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Old 06-05-2012, 08:02 AM   #11
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Re: (CIO) Cry It Out = Compassion Intentionally Obscured

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Originally Posted by syfitz View Post
Yep. Same here. I had children that needed that little bit of crying to settle and slept much better that way, and others that slept better having me close all night.
Yep, I have 4 kids and found the same thing... 2 were one way and 2 were the other...
With my first baby, I tried so hard to fit him into the babywearing, cosleep, etc category; but he hated it and would cry at me the most when I tried to force my wants of that lifestyle on him. He needed to cry a bit before falling asleep on his own (and it was a much calmer cry than when I would be trying to rock him/bounce him/soothe him to sleep), have his own space, not be on my hip all the time, and so on. I realized then that babies are all so different and I needed to do what was best for HIM and forget all styles of parenting and just do what my gut said was right for each child I had!
My second child was the exact opposite of my first! haha. My third was like my first. My 4th baby like my second. Kinda funny how that worked out.

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Old 06-05-2012, 08:34 AM   #12
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Re: (CIO) Cry It Out = Compassion Intentionally Obscured

I really don't like this "mom in the jungle do..." reference. Which jungle? Where? How long were these families studied? Who studied and watched them? How did they collect their data?

I think you just have to know your baby. I went through the "I will follow the book" phase and nothing from books ever worked. I think I'm finally done throwing my books across the room in frustration.

For my DS, I think he actually needs his crying time. It really has a protest "but I don't wanna go to bed lets read ANOTHER story" tone to it. Usually as soon as I walk out of the room and shut the door he stops crying. And he wakes up happy and cheerful too!
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Old 06-05-2012, 08:57 AM   #13
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I just wish they would call it something else. I think there are plenty of people neglecting their children and calling it CIO when it's not. Letting a 3 month old scream their head off for 3 hours because you think they shouldn't need to eat for 12 hours while you sleep is NOT CIO...but many people just hear the term and assume it means let a baby scream themselves out for hours on end instead of meeting their needs ....
Exactly. CIO when done correctly isn't terrible or neglect but lots of people hear cry it out and just let their young babies cry and cry until they pass out.
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Old 06-05-2012, 08:59 AM   #14
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Old 06-05-2012, 08:59 AM   #15
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Re: (CIO) Cry It Out = Compassion Intentionally Obscured

Thank you OP for the article. I have a tough time watching parents neglect their children and being ok with it. I was at the park over the weekend with my two boys and there was a little girl there (3 y.o.) and she fell off a swing and hit her head and was crying. Her mom didn't come so I went over and tried to comfort her. I noticed her feet were bare and that one had a significant cut and lots of dried blood on it. I was so worried about this little girl -- her mom never did show up but the girl said she was over in the ball fields. I didn't know what to do. I know that everyone parents in their own way and makes decisions that feel right to them and I guess you just have to learn to be ok with it. But, it really hurts my heart to see and hear others in distress.

Also, I couldn't agree more with the analogy with other family members. I wouldn't look anyone in a pitch black room and ignore them. But, again, to each their own.
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Old 06-05-2012, 09:01 AM   #16
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Re: (CIO) Cry It Out = Compassion Intentionally Obscured

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Originally Posted by aleatha5 View Post
Thank you OP for the article. I have a tough time watching parents neglect their children and being ok with it. I was at the park over the weekend with my two boys and there was a little girl there (3 y.o.) and she fell off a swing and hit her head and was crying. Her mom didn't come so I went over and tried to comfort her. I noticed her feet were bare and that one had a significant cut and lots of dried blood on it. I was so worried about this little girl -- her mom never did show up but the girl said she was over in the ball fields. I didn't know what to do. I know that everyone parents in their own way and makes decisions that feel right to them and I guess you just have to learn to be ok with it. But, it really hurts my heart to see and hear others in distress.

Also, I couldn't agree more with the analogy with other family members. I wouldn't look anyone in a pitch black room and ignore them. But, again, to each their own.
Careful, you will open a can of BEES (not worms) by making the analogy that the women you described at the park, is on the same level as those of us who have used CIO to better then lives of their children.

As I stated and others stated, not every child LIKES attachment style parenting and none of us have "ignored" our babies in "pitch black rooms."
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Old 06-05-2012, 09:05 AM   #17
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Re: (CIO) Cry It Out = Compassion Intentionally Obscured

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My 6-month-old will ONLY fall asleep crying. Catch her when she she's tired, lay her down wide awake, nurse her sleep, rocking, holding, cuddling, in the swing, laying her in a dark quiet room, in the car, in a sling, does not matter, she essentially CIO to sleep every freaking nap and almost every night for bed. She is my fourth child and the older three did NOT do this. We had our typical ups and downs with sleep, but my youngest just does this.

It does not make me uncompassionate. If I could do anything at all to change it, I would (and believe me, I have tried!). So I have essentially "given in" and when she just starts acting tired, I lay her in the crib, close the door, and walk away. She CIO four times a day, every day (3 naps and bedtime). When I try anything else, including holding and nursing her, she screams and becomes hysterical. This has been going on for probably two months. She is otherwise happy, loving, and totally healthy. People comment all the time what a cute, happy baby she is. This is just how she goes to sleep. I believe in following my baby's cues, and believe me, I never expected CIO to be something "normal" for a baby, but it is for her!
It's really easy to be judgmental when what we do is perfect for our kids, it makes us think our way must be perfect in general. But not every kid is exactly like ours. My babe fusses to sleep. He doesn't scream or really cry, but he fusses and I've learned that he's okay, even happy fussing. If I go in while he's fussing it often escalates him and prolongs things. Babies cry for many reasons, and it isn't always just because they are distressed and need mom. Sometimes they just feel like crying. I'm anti CIO when we're talking about a baby crying hysterically for mom, but that isn't how most moms use it. If, like the mom above, you use CIO because that's what your baby has made clear is best for him/her, then who are we to say you're wrong and mean?
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Old 06-05-2012, 09:09 AM   #18
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Ok, now I do. It is totally different to neglect your INJURED child in the park than to let them cry for 5 or 10 minutes when you put them to bed. My DS co-slept until 2 and then never learned to fall asleep on his own. He's 4.5 and still has a hard time getting himself back to sleep if he wakes up in the middle of the night. My DD slept in the bassinet next to us until 3 months old and then went in to her crib, was laid down, and went right to sleep. Even now if she cries its literally for 2 minutes! By the time I can walk through the house to turn the monitor up, she's asleep.

I really don't like hearing CIO either because like a previous poster said, people think it is letting your newborn cry for hours when that simply isn't the case.

Apparently this debate will rage just like whether Babywise is good or not...
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Old 06-05-2012, 09:34 AM   #19
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Re: (CIO) Cry It Out = Compassion Intentionally Obscured

I hesitate to say anything because I don't want another mom to feel like I'm judging her for anything but I just absolutely cannot ever do CIO. From my first child to my youngest I've never let them CIO for any length of time. And that doesn't make me better than someone who does do CIO, but I've never been able to even attempt it. Nor have I wanted to.
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Old 06-05-2012, 09:44 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Freedom
I hesitate to say anything because I don't want another mom to feel like I'm judging her for anything but I just absolutely cannot ever do CIO. From my first child to my youngest I've never let them CIO for any length of time. And that doesn't make me better than someone who does do CIO, but I've never been able to even attempt it. Nor have I wanted to.
It's not like tons of people who have done "CIO" do it because we WANT to...we've done it because it was our last resort, and it worked.
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