(CIO) Cry It Out = Compassion Intentionally Obscured

[Joyful Tie Dyes]

There is a BIG difference between 5-10 minutes of fussing to wind down and what most of the Moms I know IRL call 'CIO' which is "put the baby in the bed and close the door and don't go back until morning." That kind of 'CIO' IS abuse and neglect IMO. Letting a child cry for hours is not teaching them anything other than they can't count on Mom and Dad for comfort. Not something I want to teach my kid.

ETA: I do not believe you can "teach" someone to "self-soothe" I think that is a developmental milestone that happens when a child is developmentally ready.

[Kirsie]

Originally Posted by Joyful Tie Dyes There is a BIG difference between 5-10 minutes of fussing to wind down and what most of the Moms I know IRL call 'CIO' which is "put the baby in the bed and close the door and don't go back until morning." That kind of 'CIO' IS abuse and neglect IMO. Letting a child cry for hours is not teaching them anything other than they can't count on Mom and Dad for comfort. Not something I want to teach my kid. ETA: I do not believe you can "teach" someone to "self-soothe" I think that is a developmental milestone that happens when a child is developmentally ready.

Exactly. It's cry "it" out and "it" varies from parent to parent. To some parents "it" is 2 minutes; others "it" is indefinitely.

[nicolemariep]

Originally Posted by Joyful Tie Dyes There is a BIG difference between 5-10 minutes of fussing to wind down and what most of the Moms I know IRL call 'CIO' which is "put the baby in the bed and close the door and don't go back until morning." That kind of 'CIO' IS abuse and neglect IMO. Letting a child cry for hours is not teaching them anything other than they can't count on Mom and Dad for comfort. Not something I want to teach my kid. ETA: I do not believe you can "teach" someone to "self-soothe" I think that is a developmental milestone that happens when a child is developmentally ready.

Perhaps, but can a child do it without being given a chance?

[mibarra]

Originally Posted by nicolemariep Perhaps, but can a child do it without being given a chance?

No, but you have to give the chance at the developmentally appropriate time. Otherwise you set them up for failure with unreasonable expectations. A child can't learn to use a cup without being given a chance. That doesn't mean I expect my 6 month old to do it successfully.

[mcpforever]

I can't get worked up about an "article" with so many grammar errors. I don't feel as though it gives any voice or explanation about CIO to anyone who considers it. IT doesn't really educate or enlighten.

Really, it's just another "pat myself on the back for being superior" editorial.

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by mcpforever I can't get worked up about an "article" with so many grammar errors. I don't feel as though it gives any voice or explanation about CIO to anyone who considers it. IT doesn't really educate or enlighten. Really, it's just another "pat myself on the back for being superior" editorial.

This.

I am tired of the people acting like people enjoy hearing their children cry 'but it's not for us'. Whatever.

My baby would scream if I tried to rock her to sleep at 6 wks old. She'd fuss/cry for a few minutes and fall asleep if I put her down and walked out.

Even if it's used for different purposes by desperate parents, it doesn't make you superior because you've never been desperate enough. Your kids are not their kids. They aren't the same temperament, they aren't the same anything.

I hate these threads.

[hilaryisinked]

Originally Posted by bluedaisyma let's not ignore the science of the article. the "women/babies in the jungle" reference is to the women Jean Liedloff spent years studying. Read "The Contiuum Concept". Dr. William Sears was also quoted with his information on the stress hormones that are released when babies cry (and other issues). Whether or not you choose to do it, or if it works for you and your child, there is research about potential harm. If you are a parent who lets your child cry, but it isn't the "locked door, in the crib for hours" method, this article shouldn't bother you at all

This

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

[FernHollow]

There is a HUGE difference between letting a baby fuss (not scream!) themselves to sleep over the course of 5-10 min, vs "CIO" approach. I think mommy wars like this only serve to guilt women into thinking that they must be martyrs and hold their babies every moment they start to cry. Babies cry, even much loved, attachment parented babies! I have always considered myself to be an attachment parenting mama and I was horrified to think that anyone might let their child cry at ALL unattended when I had my first. Well, lets just say she had less than desirable sleep habits by age 3 and I was so worn out. I truly believe that you can gently, at the appropriate age for your specific child, in a manner that works for THEM (all babies are different!) teach them to self-soothe. I would never just let my kids scream their heads off or do any form of organized CIO, but in our household *gently* teaching good sleep habits is important to the whole household.

I have an almost 10 mo that nurses all night keeping us both awake unless I transfer him out of bed into his own space and give him a good 5 min of fussing (not full on crying). Are my needs so unimportant that I should just continue to try to let him cosleep, use me as a pacifier, screw up my back/neck and make me exhausted?

All babies are different in how much work they are to get good sleep habits, but I truly think we are shortchanging well meaning mamas by making it sound like any bit of crying, ever, is a terrible thing. I'm sorry if my post upsets anyone, but I found that when I was first parenting that the big push to be a perfect AP parent really hurts some mamas, myself included.

[el's mama]

The article obviously was not referring to 5 or 10 minutes of fussing. There are many who go by a popular book and let their baby cry (or scream) for much longer than 10 minutes and they are told not to go in to comfort the baby.

Of course everyone is allowed to parent as they wish, but I'm for informed choices and I believe people should know that long periods of crying can cause damage. It's not judgmental or superior to share facts.

[ulawolf]

Originally Posted by FernHollow There is a HUGE difference between letting a baby fuss (not scream!) themselves to sleep over the course of 5-10 min, vs "CIO" approach. I think mommy wars like this only serve to guilt women into thinking that they must be martyrs and hold their babies every moment they start to cry. Babies cry, even much loved, attachment parented babies! I have always considered myself to be an attachment parenting mama and I was horrified to think that anyone might let their child cry at ALL unattended when I had my first. Well, lets just say she had less than desirable sleep habits by age 3 and I was so worn out. I truly believe that you can gently, at the appropriate age for your specific child, in a manner that works for THEM (all babies are different!) teach them to self-soothe. I would never just let my kids scream their heads off or do any form of organized CIO, but in our household *gently* teaching good sleep habits is important to the whole household. I have an almost 10 mo that nurses all night keeping us both awake unless I transfer him out of bed into his own space and give him a good 5 min of fussing (not full on crying). Are my needs so unimportant that I should just continue to try to let him cosleep, use me as a pacifier, screw up my back/neck and make me exhausted? All babies are different in how much work they are to get good sleep habits, but I truly think we are shortchanging well meaning mamas by making it sound like any bit of crying, ever, is a terrible thing. I'm sorry if my post upsets anyone, but I found that when I was first parenting that the big push to be a perfect AP parent really hurts some mamas, myself included.

This. I have a colicky 5 week old and she can cry no matter what I do for 3-4 hours. I rock her, walk her, nurse her, etc and she still cries and sometimes I have to put her in her crib for a few minutes and just walk away.