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Old 03-14-2014, 09:36 PM   #1
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What resources do you use to cope with separating from SO?

So long story short my DD is a jerk. He did a lot of screwy things and I eventually found pictures of him cheating on me(maybe you read my other thread)..

Well I have decided to leave him for good.

He has been saying he never wanted DD and that I got pregnant to have "power" over him. He has been saying other mean things but the details are practically irrelevant.

It's just that my feelings are really hurt. When I got pregnant it was unexpected. But we had been together for years and he lead me to believe it wouldn't be a big deal that we would raise her together. And now I feel tricked and mislead.

I am so hurt. I hold it together throughout the day but by the time I've put DD to bed and the house quiets down, I start falling apart. All I can do is silently cry. I tried talking to my family and no one is sympathetic. They just say they told me so. No one understands that the reason I forgave so much and put so much behind me was because of DD. I just wanted to try so hard to give her a good life.

What do you do to try to cheer yourself up to make it through that utterly hopeless sad phase that comes along with such a hurtful event? Who do you talk to when you feel like your friends and family are tired of hearing your sob story?

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Old 03-16-2014, 07:29 PM   #2
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Honestly, it just sucks. You just have to push past these feelings. Time helps, but it doesn't really take the pain away. It hurts to think about a child growing up without both parents.
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Old 03-16-2014, 07:59 PM   #3
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I haven't been in your position, but would finding a new hobby or craft to do help occupy your time and take your mind off of it? Maybe sewing, knitting, or crocheting? Maybe take an online class or two?
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Old 03-19-2014, 03:33 AM   #4
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Re: What resources do you use to cope with separating from SO?

There's always support groups to be had - if writing helps you release, start a blog. Write in forums seeking help, join a club somewhere, make friends. I haven't been in this situation but I have had to deal with heartbreak before. Just know that once you hit rock bottom, there's no where to go but up. When you decide that the past is not worth investing all your emotions into anymore, you'll slowly start doing things to make yourself and your Daughter happy. Get a make over and start over. Get rid of things you don't need. Think of it as a fresh start. You are a strong, independent woman and you don't need him to be happy!
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:26 AM   #5
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What do you do to try to cheer yourself up to make it through that utterly hopeless sad phase that comes along with such a hurtful event? Who do you talk to when you feel like your friends and family are tired of hearing your sob story?
Give yourself time for starters. This feeling won't go away over night and it will take time, but one day you'll wake up and it'll be easier to smile.

When I left my DD's father (he was "the one that got away"....when we were younger) I felt lost. I couldn't concentrate. Going to the grocery store was interesting because even with a list in front of me I had trouble getting what I needed. I struggled to let go of that family I wanted so bad.

I spent a lot of time with my DD. We went on a lot of walks. We went to the park. We did crafts. We read a lot. Now she's 6 (I left him shortly before she turned 1) and we have this bond that is strong. I think it's because her & I went through so much together. I learned that I could do it on my own, I could support the both of us. It was hard and there were times I questioned if I was making the right decision or not, but it's been over 5 years and I definitely know I made the right decision.

Your friends and family are probably tired of seeing you get hurt. You deserve better than how he treats you and your DD.
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Old 03-20-2014, 10:02 AM   #6
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Re: What resources do you use to cope with separating from SO?

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Give yourself time for starters. This feeling won't go away over night and it will take time, but one day you'll wake up and it'll be easier to smile.

When I left my DD's father (he was "the one that got away"....when we were younger) I felt lost. I couldn't concentrate. Going to the grocery store was interesting because even with a list in front of me I had trouble getting what I needed. I struggled to let go of that family I wanted so bad.

I spent a lot of time with my DD. We went on a lot of walks. We went to the park. We did crafts. We read a lot. Now she's 6 (I left him shortly before she turned 1) and we have this bond that is strong. I think it's because her & I went through so much together. I learned that I could do it on my own, I could support the both of us. It was hard and there were times I questioned if I was making the right decision or not, but it's been over 5 years and I definitely know I made the right decision.

Your friends and family are probably tired of seeing you get hurt. You deserve better than how he treats you and your DD.

We have been on the rocks since shortly after I became pregnant. I think both of us really tried to make things work because of DD but it just got to the point where I had the last straw. I caught him cheating with pictures and to this day he denies it. I had this feeling that hit me.. like emotional un-interest. Is that a word? I am at the point now where I just feel like maybe I should forgive him and be a family. For me it is so hard to walk away from that hypothetical family.. Even thought I know it's not him I'm in love with its the idea of the family we had. I'm starting to realize its only the idea of the family that I continued to love after a certain event that I was sure would have been the last straw.

On one hand I feel so lucky to see the situation with clarity. On the other hand I am so angry with him for the things he did to me. I feel angry because me and our daughter deserved to have that family. And he threw it all away.
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Old 03-21-2014, 09:23 AM   #7
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We have been on the rocks since shortly after I became pregnant. I think both of us really tried to make things work because of DD but it just got to the point where I had the last straw. I caught him cheating with pictures and to this day he denies it. I had this feeling that hit me.. like emotional un-interest. Is that a word? I am at the point now where I just feel like maybe I should forgive him and be a family. For me it is so hard to walk away from that hypothetical family.. Even thought I know it's not him I'm in love with its the idea of the family we had. I'm starting to realize its only the idea of the family that I continued to love after a certain event that I was sure would have been the last straw. On one hand I feel so lucky to see the situation with clarity. On the other hand I am so angry with him for the things he did to me. I feel angry because me and our daughter deserved to have that family. And he threw it all away.
And that anger will be there for a long time unless you find a way to work through it. It's been over 5 years for me and I still get mad at the holidays sometimes. My DD shouldn't have to hop around on Christmas because her dad couldn't keep it in his pants.

You do deserve that family and I'm sorry he can't be the one to give it to you.

Staying with him just to have that family will not work out the way you want, I promise you that. My ex cheated on me when I was pregnant. I left, but ended up coming back because I felt like my DD needed her dad, she needed that family unit. If I could go back, I would have stayed gone. I would have never went back to him.

There were times I thought about staying with him just so we could have that family, but I know now that my DD would not be the happy & smart kid she is had we stayed. I would not be the mama I am today had I not left him.

It's very very scary to leave, but I promise you there will come a day you look back and think "why did I wait so long".

Do not forgive someone who doesn't deserve your forgiveness. I forgave my ex because I didn't want to carry around all the hurt and anger, not because he deserved it. To this day his story flip-flops around. I have no idea the extent of his cheating, nor do I care. I'm thankful that my DD & I escaped with no longer term health issues (like STD's)
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Old 03-22-2014, 06:47 PM   #8
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Re: What resources do you use to cope with separating from SO?

I've been split for almost 7 years, but the boys' dad is still involved so a little different situation.

It took time. Once he was moved out and all the divorce papers through I finally started really coping with it. I think until that point I was hoping that he would come to his senses, or something like that.

I did keep myself busy. I was in graduate school when he left. I kept myself scheduled a lot of the time and did things I would be proud of, even if it was teaching the boys something, volunteering, anything to help me remember I'm not an idiot, that I'm a good person.

I also got on a low dose of zoloft, helped tons! I still cried at night plenty of nights. If you can hold it together during the day than you are doing really good!!!
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Old 03-25-2014, 08:43 AM   #9
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I've been split for almost 7 years, but the boys' dad is still involved so a little different situation.

It took time. Once he was moved out and all the divorce papers through I finally started really coping with it. I think until that point I was hoping that he would come to his senses, or something like that.

I did keep myself busy. I was in graduate school when he left. I kept myself scheduled a lot of the time and did things I would be proud of, even if it was teaching the boys something, volunteering, anything to help me remember I'm not an idiot, that I'm a good person.

I also got on a low dose of zoloft, helped tons! I still cried at night plenty of nights. If you can hold it together during the day than you are doing really good!!!
Most days I can. But to be 100% honest I do sneak away to the restroom and cry. Then I regain myself and the day goes on. Don't worry I will not be going back to him. But it just hurts because I know dd and I didnt deserve this.
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Old 04-15-2014, 05:58 PM   #10
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Re: What resources do you use to cope with separating from SO?

Time helps! You can do it for your baby! You and the baby are most important. His loss Hunny, I know it's so hard to do at first, but eventually you will see you are so much better off! And maybe eventually you'll have someone you're meant to be eith!! Prayers!
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