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Old 06-09-2012, 08:31 AM   #1
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Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

Hi,

We starting daytime ECing at 9months. He was home with a nanny at the time. We have always done it by timing versus signals.

Fast Forward to 2.5 years old. My son know how to eliminate in the potty, but he doesn't really know how/when to tell us when he has to pee. Poop he generally does.

Last Friday I officially said done with diapers and he's been wearing undies during the day since. He's in daycare 3 days a week and was dry there because they potty at the diaper change intervals, and he know how to hold it and go on the potty (Daycare is thrilled).

If we continue to tell him to sit on the potty regularly he would generally stay dry all day. But I haven't been, even when I know he needs to go... cause I want him to learn to tell us. We do have potty time before and after sleeping and car rides. Also usually before watching tv. So some days when things line up well he is even dry at home.

Am I expecting too much of a 2.5 year old? I know having a child who knows how to use the potty is half the battle (one many have to fight as well) should I just help him not have accidents or should i let him have accidents to try to learn?

What would/do you do?
Thanks

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Old 06-09-2012, 08:49 AM   #2
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Re: Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

I think depends on kid. Try samething as daycare. Consistency is best.
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Old 06-09-2012, 10:15 AM   #3
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Re: Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

Sounds like he needs a signal - have you tried teaching him one? Even if he's verbal, it's pretty a complicated process to notice he has to pee, figure out what to do about that feeling, and then figure out how to communicate it to you verbally. Maybe every time you take him to pee have him do a hand gesture (some people use the sign for letter p) - it might make it easier for him to communicate. I also agree, though, that consistency with daycare on this issue is best. He will eventually learn to go on his own without being reminded - no need to force it if that's not where he's at. Now, we did not EC with my middle child - but I definitely found that 2.5 year old transition to be frustrating with him. Obviously he knew how to use the potty, he knew how to hold it, he would even tell me when he had to pee sometimes... so why did he have so many accidents!? So frustrating, but that's just how it is. They know how to do it, but consistently implementing that skill isn't always possible. So, I figure you either have to be organized enough to remind him every hour (I am not), or realize that accidents are going to be part of your life for awhile (you HAVE to be okay with that; he can help clean up maybe, but absolutely NO shaming, no muttering under breath, no side comments to other adults or children, no exasperated breathing, NONE of that - not that you do, but I have seen that SO often with other mommy friends and even my husband needs reminding). It'll happen, he's not going to need to be reminded to pee forever, whether you push him on it now or not.
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Old 06-09-2012, 10:35 AM   #4
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Re: Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

Thanks for the thoughts. He can easily go 2 -2.5 hours between pees. So he has sat on the potty during diaper changes for a while now. Back before 2 years old we would have dry or near dry days in his cloth diapers (i wish we had switched to undies back then).

Since 2ish he has been too busy, i guess, and has been wet more, even refusing the potty outright. Before we switched to undies I waited for him to become more positive in general and more willing to use the potty. He has also step stools and potty inserts to do it mostly by himself when he wants.

We always sit on the potty after accidents (usually the one in his playroom) with a reminder to tell us before he pees. Then we walk to the bathroom to get dry clothes. Idea being that it takes longer to get back to playing when you have an accident. Other than that were is no repercussions for his accidents. I do like that he almost always says "i need to go potty" while he is peeing on the floor - so he does know the associated behavior, just a little too late. He has also stopped peeing to finish on the potty some times.

I guess I also worry that if I pester him about, bring up using the potty more than he needs, it will get annoying and turn him off to the whole thing...

Thanks again
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Last edited by Pixi6s; 06-09-2012 at 10:36 AM.
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Old 06-09-2012, 02:55 PM   #5
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Re: Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

DD was out of diapers at 12 months. About the same age 2-2.5yrs she started having accidents. Even at over 3 she has 1-2 accidents a month. They're always because they're engrossed in what they're doing and she usually knows that she's holding it.

At 2-2.5 I was still reminding regularly if she felt like she needed to go. I didn't tell her to go sit on the potty, but asked if she felt like pee needed to come out. The focus being on the pee not her having to go potty. I also would tell her that she could come right back to what she was doing and that always helped to get her to break away. Even now at 3.5 I see her do the peepee dance and tell her it's ok to leave what she's doing it'll be there after she goes potty. Darn pee getting in the way of life At 2 I don't think she would have fully understood that if she had an accident that it's longer time she's away from what she wants to do. Also think about what message your sending your DS when you make him sit on the potty after he's done. Make sure it's positive and not punishment that he has to sit on the potty out of playtime as it will put a negative feeling associated with the potty.

Personally I'm lax about it and made DD self-sufficient in cleaning it. She has peepee towels to mop it up, wipes to clean herself and can reach all her clothes and laundry basket. I did ask her to tell me where she peed so that I could put some baking soda on it and make sure it's fully out of the carpet. The baking soda is for smell but more so that she would tell me that there's pee on the carpet so there isn't puddles in the carpet.
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Old 06-09-2012, 06:42 PM   #6
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Re: Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

I don't think sitting on the potty as negative. To help with the association of what he needs to do and ensure that he has finished (since sometime he stops mid-pee). He never has to sit long. We generally have a hard time getting off the potty once he is on. He really enjoys sitting there.

I like the idea of asking if the pee needs to come out.
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Old 06-10-2012, 05:19 PM   #7
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Re: Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

I think you should definitely do the asking if he needs to pee, but don't just tell him to go to the potty you know? And having him sit on it for a minute after/during an accident is fine as long as he doesn't think of it as punishment, it doesn't seem like he does which is good! If he likes the potty use that to your advantage! lol GL!
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Old 06-10-2012, 07:52 PM   #8
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Re: Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

I've decided on bringing it up to him for now. Unfortunately if we just ask if he needs to pee even if he doesn't he often will say no -- though sometimes he will change his mind soon after. I am going to try the "does the pee need to come out" approach to see how that works.

It gets tough because if I am going to suggest it and he says no, then how long do I wait to suggest again without becoming a nag. Requesting that he sit for potty time is a lot easier, he is very used to that request from us for more than a year.

Hopefully we will find a balance.

Thanks for helping me think this out.
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HELP ME Choose Blanket Colors!!! Mom to LO#1 born 1/7/2010 (Cloth diapered since day 1; Part-time EC since 9 months; Daytime PL since 29 months; Nightime PL at 5.5 years) & LO#2 born 12/1/2013 (First diaper was cloth! Part-time EC since 12 months & daytime PL at 26 months) Checkout my absorbency tests. Thoughts on how long a cloth diaper REALLY lasts. Thoughts on Yeast , here, here, here & a newer one here. My thoughts on how to Wash Wool & Sanitize Wool and my Tinkle Traps Review.

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Old 06-12-2012, 02:07 PM   #9
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Re: Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

My goal would not be for him to tell you when he needs to go, but just to go by himself. We didn't EC but used "Toilet training in Less than a Day" with all my boys - 8 of them - and within a week they went on their own. They didn't come tell me they had to go (because really, if they did, all I said was "well then go!"), they just went to the potty, sat down, peed, got up, pulled pants up, and went on their way. That's my goal and mine were usually done by 2 years old. I know that's not exactly what you're asking, but that is what I would be trying to work toward... reminding him that when he needs to go, to just go.
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Old 06-27-2012, 09:03 PM   #10
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Re: Am I expecting too much of my 2.5 year old ECer

One of the key principles and joys of EC, in my opinion, is knowing and acknowledging your child's needs. If you know he has to go, take him. Don't give him the option of saying "no" but don't force him, either. If you know that he needs to go, then there is no reason to ask if he needs to go. If he refuses to pee, then just remind him that it is important to listen to his body and let him recognize and experience the consequence of not listening to his body, but be gentle. At 2.5 he is not always going to go to the bathroom when he needs to, because he has more important things to do, like play! As you begin to trust him more, and he begins to recognize that he is in control of his own decisions, he will gradually move more towards going when he needs to go, but you will still have to remind/encourage him from time to time. I still have to tell my almost-6-year-old to go once in a while, because otherwise he will wait until the last possible second and while he doesn't pee his pants any more (he has been out of diapers since 15 months), a hurry to go does not a good aim make and at his age the consequence for his delay includes cleaning the pee off of the back of the toilet.
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