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Old 06-09-2012, 05:50 PM   #1
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Feeling like a friend is going to be unsuccessful

I've got a friend with a 2 week old. Today I strongly got the feeling that she isn't going to be successful with the breastfeeding. Here are why I think this.

1. I went to see her yesterday at her house. Her son got a little fussy and she said, "he didn't eat as long last time, I was worried he might be hungry". I told her I certainly didn't mind if she fed him. She said no, there was a whole set up upstairs where she nursed. She just had him suck on her finger. I left pretty quickly in hopes that she would go feed him. :-(

2. They came over to a get together at our house today. Lots of people. She said he ate at 1:30. They got there around 3 ish. Little guy was sleeping so they left him in the carseat the whole time. She made some comment about the pediatrician saying they didn't have to wake him every 3 hrs at night anymore. So, she didn't wake him at my house either. Everyone started leaving around 5:30 and the baby woke up. So, it had been 4 hrs since he had eaten. I offered up my nursery boppy, glider and all. She said they'd press through and wait until they got home.

3. During the party someone said something about the Time article and her husband told a story about seeing some woman NIP an older child and how weird it was. My friend chimed in with how she (the mom) wasn't being discreet or anything. This is the second time she has told this story.

I know none of these things is really a black and white, "it ain't gonna work" but they are just evidence to my gut feeling. I want to be supportive of her, but don't know how to be. The one thing I have been successful with is getting her to go to a LLL meeting before he was born. I do get the vibe that she wants to breastfeed, at least in theory, but she just seems soooo uncomfortable with ACTUALLY breastfeeding.

Any suggestions on how to be supportive without being pushy? I think it might complicate matters that we work together. I don't know of hat makes it weirder for her or not...

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Old 06-09-2012, 05:56 PM   #2
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I don't think you can say much but be encouraging and supportive. If you nurse then nurse in front of her...she's still learning and figuring it out. So be patience. Any breast milk the baby gets is great. I would celebrate the time she has nursed and ask how she feels. Is it her first? It is always awkward and uncomfortable at first. Encouraging words is best.
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Old 06-09-2012, 06:01 PM   #3
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Re: Feeling like a friend is going to be unsuccessful

Yeah I agree not a whole lot you can do except model for her what is the norm and continue to encourage LLL meetings.
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Old 06-09-2012, 06:11 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by qsefthuko
Yeah I agree not a whole lot you can do except model for her what is the norm and continue to encourage LLL meetings.
I agree.

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Old 06-09-2012, 07:21 PM   #5
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Re: Feeling like a friend is going to be unsuccessful

I agree to everything the other mamas said. It's hard to encourage sometimes without sounding pushy or like you're noticing that she is "failing". I think that sometimes upsets people the most, the fact that other people/mamas are taking notice to the failure that they themselves feel. Insecurity matched with 'failure'. There really isn't much 'failing' with FF (excuse me if I am wrong, I have never FF), so perhaps if she feels failure with breastfeeding she knows she can 'safely' fall onto FF. I am no expert and I don't know your friend, but try to come from a place of understanding and love rather than judgement and such. I think relating her experiences (bad and good) to your experiences (bad and good) and relaying information that way may be the best way... I hope that makes sense. lots of love you (and her) way!
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Old 06-09-2012, 07:37 PM   #6
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Re: Feeling like a friend is going to be unsuccessful

It sounds to me like she just prefers nursing be private. I wouldn't think those were reasons that she would quit, just that she's a private person when it comes to nursing. I probably could have said/done all of those things, and I have nursed both of my girls to 14 months.
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Old 06-09-2012, 07:53 PM   #7
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Re: Feeling like a friend is going to be unsuccessful

Is this her first? It just sounds like she isn't established with nursing yet and likes to do it in private.
With my first I would go upstairs to nurse and it sucked when there was company because it seemed like it took forever and everyone would be downstairs hanging out waiting. Now I just nurse wherever but back then I was not comfortable enough to do it in front of anyone. Maybe once she gets more comfortable she'll be ok. You could just keep your visits with her short for now. Does she have a nursing cover? If not maybe get one for her.
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Old 06-09-2012, 07:54 PM   #8
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Re: Feeling like a friend is going to be unsuccessful

I think she might be uncomfortable nursing around people, or excusing herself to nurse. I did a lot of the things you described when DD was born, I just wasn't comfortable. Mainly because the people around me didn't make me feel comfortable, or because I wasn't used to seeing women excuse them self or NIP. LLL meetings really helped me a lot.
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Old 06-09-2012, 07:55 PM   #9
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Re: Feeling like a friend is going to be unsuccessful

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Originally Posted by mrspnut82 View Post
Is this her first? It just sounds like she isn't established with nursing yet and likes to do it in private.
With my first I would go upstairs to nurse and it sucked when there was company because it seemed like it took forever and everyone would be downstairs hanging out waiting. Now I just nurse wherever but back then I was not comfortable enough to do it in front of anyone. Maybe once she gets more comfortable she'll be ok. You could just keep your visits with her short for now. Does she have a nursing cover? If not maybe get one for her.
Totally agree!
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Old 06-09-2012, 08:11 PM   #10
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Re: Feeling like a friend is going to be unsuccessful

I agree, she probably just isn't comfortable nursing around people yet. It helped me when one of my friends nursed in front of me, soemtiems that was in public, sometiems that was "Would you like to come chat while I nurse ___?" and she would go to a more private area, it really helped me gain courage. :-)
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