Blessed with children, Struggling for more Week of June 11th

[amyltc]

Yes, none of her kids were planned, they were all oopses. Really? :roll: She was super sweet about it though, she said she didn't want to tell me, she feels guilty because we can't get pg and she has now twice in the time we've been ttc.

We just had some adoption stuff fall through, our 2nd one in 2 months and dh is just so tired of the infertility/adoption ups and downs he told me he is done for good. I said lets reevaluate in a year, he said ok. I'm really hoping that he gets a promotion in that time so maybe we can revisit the possibility of IVF. If we do it I'd like to do it by next summer before I turn 30 but who knows if it will ever be possible for us. We'd have to have at least half of it saved, I just can't bring myself to go into debt for the whole amount ( I know a lot of people do it just isn't the right decision for us).

[Love4leon]

Popping in quick to say I've had some bad news today. I went in for my ultrasound and we saw the polyp again- I guess it was never removed despite me having had surgery to remove it. So- this is a huge set back and we will probably never get to have a fresh IVF cycle because of it. We decided to keep moving forward because we had started the meds already, but that means that at egg retrieval we will have to freeze all of the embryos. I will have to do FET after I have the surgery... again... I can't tell you guys how awful this feels- it was completely unexpected and surprising.

I'll be back to check to see how everyone else is doing- I am a little bit devastated- doesn't help to be on all these meds...

[jacquelinemarie82]

No, I don't feel bad for my dh working an extra job. (lol!) Sorry, I just don't. I am secretly glad he finally has to do something to make this all happen. This entire process (years worth), I have been the one to go to appts, find a sitter or take a toddler with me, go through the exams some of which are painful, research, wait, test, talk with doctors and nurses, etc etc etc. kwim? Now he has to put in the effort too so that actually does make me feel a little better now that he is working towards the goal. Before, he was just showing up to give the sample and that is pretty much it. I carried all the load and burdens....that's what it felt like especially since so far the majority of money we have spent on fertility (before this latest round for #2) has been from insurance, health savings acct. and tax return so it wasn't the same as him working this extra job.

My appt. is rescheduled for Monday. Maybe I will make it there....maybe not.

[JCPACandMommy]

Originally Posted by Love4leon Popping in quick to say I've had some bad news today. I went in for my ultrasound and we saw the polyp again- I guess it was never removed despite me having had surgery to remove it. So- this is a huge set back and we will probably never get to have a fresh IVF cycle because of it. We decided to keep moving forward because we had started the meds already, but that means that at egg retrieval we will have to freeze all of the embryos. I will have to do FET after I have the surgery... again... I can't tell you guys how awful this feels- it was completely unexpected and surprising. I'll be back to check to see how everyone else is doing- I am a little bit devastated- doesn't help to be on all these meds...

OH Mama Im so so sorry...

[jacquelinemarie82]

I'm so sorry you got that bad news today! I know what it feels like to be devastated. I am here for you if you want to pm me. I know it helps to have a friend that you can talk to......tell every detail and know you won't get judgement of any kind, only sympathy. And you are right that meds make emotions even worse.

[Love4leon]

Amy- I'm so sorry to hear the adoption fell through. I am truly so sorry. I also understand completely wanting to give up- in fact my husband and I both discussed it today after our latest set back. Sometimes it really feels like we are working against all fate. I hope that you and your husband are quickly blessed with an answer to all of it.

[3 ladybugs]

Love4leon - YES I really don't understand the concept of oops babies. And I have known 5 women get pregnant the cycle before their IVF cycles (on their own). One I was good friends with.

Sometimes I think polyps can be caused by the meds. So it MAY be possible that when your off yours stims that you will not have to have surgery. Praying that is the case! On the other hand maybe we will end up being FET PG buddies. That would be cool!

amyltc - OH no!! I am so sorry that you had stuff fall through! That is sad! I knew a woman who was doing the adoption/IVF route and she found out when she was 5 months pregnant with her IVF baby that there was a newborn that she could have by way of adoption. So her children are only 4 months apart! Maybe that would happen to you?

jacquelinemarie82 - Oh now I understand. I saw that happen in the NICU a lot. Men (fathers) would not really even want to be there and mothers would have to be dragged out of there. DH was always there when I wanted him to be and with this next cycle I am not expecting much out him as he hasn't been at this job long. I am sorry your DH hasn't been that helpful to you. That would stink! Do you have a drop in center that you can take your child to? That has been VERY helpful to me.

AFM - I am not looking forward to my appointment tomorrow just because I am afraid of the results. However I will go to the appointment. I need to see my uterus act like a balloon. I just hope I don't cough too much. Need to take my homeopathic cough syrup I guess. I imagine they wouldn't care if I took that. DH heard of another opening yesterday that I think was tailored made for him. It would involve travel for him but I know a good doula so I wouldn't be worried too much. :crossedfingers: That is where he ends up. Oh and the farmer today was fun!

[slimy72]

Originally Posted by yellowitchgrl Yay Liesl!!!! Praying for a sticky baby!!!!!!! AFM- my son came through his scope just fine, but there are some funny things on his esophagus. Not sure what it is yet, we're waiting on the scope results. My mom gets here on Thursday, I should start my period on Saturday, and my allergies are still trying to kill me. I'm going back to working on getting my house in order, but when we find out the scope results I'll let you know.

Glad all went well.

Originally Posted by jacquelinemarie82 Well it is more nerve wracking then exciting...I cancelled today's appt. I just don't have the emotional and mental strength right now to do this. I also don't really have the emotional support at home. My dh is totally on board and even working a part time job to help expenses BUT that is all he is able to offer. He cannot offer emotional support...he just doesn't get it. He feels like let's do this because we have the money and won't be able to get kids any other way so let's just do this. But there is a lot more to it than that. Anyway I didn't make it in this morning. I rescheduled for Monday but honestly don't know for sure that I will make it in then either. If I don't, then I may just cancel the whole thing.....to possibly be done in the future when I am ready. Not sure and don't know what will help make me sure. kwim?

All I can offer is This is such a hard journey to be on, go easy on yourself.

Originally Posted by amyltc Yes, none of her kids were planned, they were all oopses. Really? :roll: She was super sweet about it though, she said she didn't want to tell me, she feels guilty because we can't get pg and she has now twice in the time we've been ttc. We just had some adoption stuff fall through, our 2nd one in 2 months and dh is just so tired of the infertility/adoption ups and downs he told me he is done for good. I said lets reevaluate in a year, he said ok. I'm really hoping that he gets a promotion in that time so maybe we can revisit the possibility of IVF. If we do it I'd like to do it by next summer before I turn 30 but who knows if it will ever be possible for us. We'd have to have at least half of it saved, I just can't bring myself to go into debt for the whole amount ( I know a lot of people do it just isn't the right decision for us).

Sounds like you need these too So sorry the adoptions fell through. I can totally understand your dh being "done". Mine and I have reached that point several times through all of this. But we just keep feeling very strongly to give it time and not go to the next step, for both financial and physical reasons (may be a few spiritual reasons there too, but I won't get into those.) Hope today is a little better day.

Originally Posted by Love4leon Popping in quick to say I've had some bad news today. I went in for my ultrasound and we saw the polyp again- I guess it was never removed despite me having had surgery to remove it. So- this is a huge set back and we will probably never get to have a fresh IVF cycle because of it. We decided to keep moving forward because we had started the meds already, but that means that at egg retrieval we will have to freeze all of the embryos. I will have to do FET after I have the surgery... again... I can't tell you guys how awful this feels- it was completely unexpected and surprising. I'll be back to check to see how everyone else is doing- I am a little bit devastated- doesn't help to be on all these meds...

I am so sorry. I hope things resolve quickly and you can be on the mend.

AFM, it's been a heck of a week. DH fell right before we left town. Fell on the stairs and banged his knee up. We didn't think to much of it, he wore a knee brace and went on with life. Still having the ulcerative colitis flare but he went on a totally minimal diet and it is clearing up (dang it's hard to cook for him because there is SOOOO much he can't eat. But he is feeling better, and has miraculously not needed the drugs (well he needs them but he's managed to start recovering without! ) So anyway, by Tuesday night he couldn't walk. His knee was huge and anytime he put his foot on the ground he just fell. So I took him to the ER, and the DR was SOOO rude! We of course had to give medical history and she felt the need to question everything! Why wasn't he on MS drugs, and who had dared approve that (um, his neurologist?!?), and why if he was having an UC flare wasn't he on drugs. Tried to give him steriod which he refused and had the nerve to tell us that she couldn't help someone who wouldn't take his meds and why were we even bothering to try having more children if we couldn't even take care of ourselves! ARE YOU KIDDING!!! I was in tears a good part of the night. But dh continued to refuse the drugs despite me begging him to take them. He told her he just wanted her to treat his knee and nothing else, and he refused to take the pain killers she offered because he knew it would make his colitis worse and then he'd have to take the steroids. So they did an xray and gave him two bags of fluid (he was really dehydrated because of the colitis) and sent us home. I'm still fuming about the dr. at one point she asked, if you don't want me to give you meds why exactly did you bother coming in? Um, because he can't walk, duh! So he's on crutches now, and the swelling is coming down a bit thanks to the chiropracter and the acupuncturist. They suspect he has torn his miniscus (sorry can't spell), and he had an MRI this morning and sees an orthopedic surgeon tommorrow. I sure hope it's just a really bad sprain. I'm honestly in awe that he is this committed to this. I really thought it was going to be all over this weekend and he would beg them to give him the steroids to stop all the pain he's been in. He's a lot tougher person than I am that's for sure. And the bright side, I ovulated!!!!!!!!!! It actually happened!!!!!!!! I can't believe it, now if we can just catch it. I know I shouldn't be so hopeful because when AF arrives I will be crushed yet again but for the first time in a long time I have hope! We both have been seeing an acupunturist (him for two weeks, me for the first time yesterday) and dh is pretty sure it's helping him. I just had to share I'm so excited, for those of you who care I have to share how pretty this chart looks http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2f68c2 I really shouldn't be so excited but it's kind of nice to finally have a good thing in this roller coaster of a week. And amazingly enough yesterday AM dh started feeling better, just out of the blue his leg quit hurting and his gut felt better and he actually feels like helping me catch this eggie which is really suprising to me, and I sure hope it works. He did ask me this morning though how far along I wanted to get in a potential pregnancy before he could "safely" start taking his meds again (since last year I got pregnant, so he immediately started meds again, and then I lost it a few weeks later but since he'd already taken the meds we had to wait months for them to be out of his system again.) SO I know this isn't easy for him but I'm so amazed at what he's willing to do to get another LO here.

[jacquelinemarie82]

Amy, sorry to hear that about the adoption. I can totally understand just being exhausted with the whole process and wanting to throw in the towel. I hope you all are able to get the break you need and hope finances are good for you next year when you are ready to possibly try it all again.

[JCPACandMommy]

Slimy it sounds like you have an AMAZING DH!!! It is great he is so into the TTC process and putting it first before him!