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Old 08-06-2012, 03:54 PM   #161
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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Originally Posted by peacefulj View Post
Thank you Erin. Ok, so here is what I erased. Had such a hard day today....no support no friends, very alone where I live....anyway, here's my thread killer....



Some of this is sad, please do not make me feel bad by letting me kill this thread!
We got started late, I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids, and that I shouldn't. VERY VERY VERY hard pregnancies, and two miscariages. First three children were born in less than three years, then with the fourth I found out I had cancer. Already had a lot of judgement, but I knew that baby was a blessing for us in spite of it all. Then crazy crazy got pregnant with number five several weeks after number four. 11 months a part. Because of my health situations we didn't tell many people. Most of baby number four I was dying and others mothered my children, so it made no sense to anyone for us to be pregnant again. BUT we KNEW that life was from God! And oh the love that was in our hearts for baby number five! I have two children who are high functioning autistic so with the cancer it has been a hard road. Went through hell on earth getting rid of cancer/tumor in spleen and liver but I am alive. And even with all the difficulty and confusion I cannot tell you how blessed I have been to have my precious children, each one is a miracle!
Two weeks ago my fifth child died at almost five months. I was home alone when I found him, most horrible moments of my life and my littles watching the terror. There are no words.
Life IS from God. I am sorry to be sad, but we all need that reminder. A few of those who judged us for our "numbers" saw our deep love for our number five at the funeral. My husband wept openly like no man I've ever seen. I pray that those that love children will love them more and those who judge will see that those (most anyway) of us who make choices to have more love each of our children and we WANT our blessings!
I will probably tell my story somewhere else, I do not want to kill this positive thread so please no need to you are sorry here....please keep encouraging each other in the lonely choices, it blesses me to read your posts. Each life is a gift--and I want the short life of my little Nicholas Abraham to underline that fact!
Also....I am the oldest of eleven, my husband middle of nine. All the siblings but one from each of our families came from all over to grieve with us. Ages from 15-45 between our two families. What a testimony.... these little blessings will be a BIG blessing to all of you in the future and then all the people stop their mouths!

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Old 08-06-2012, 05:39 PM   #162
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Sending my love and prayers!

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Originally Posted by peacefulj View Post
Thank you Erin. Ok, so here is what I erased. Had such a hard day today....no support no friends, very alone where I live....anyway, here's my thread killer....



Some of this is sad, please do not make me feel bad by letting me kill this thread!
We got started late, I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids, and that I shouldn't. VERY VERY VERY hard pregnancies, and two miscariages. First three children were born in less than three years, then with the fourth I found out I had cancer. Already had a lot of judgement, but I knew that baby was a blessing for us in spite of it all. Then crazy crazy got pregnant with number five several weeks after number four. 11 months a part. Because of my health situations we didn't tell many people. Most of baby number four I was dying and others mothered my children, so it made no sense to anyone for us to be pregnant again. BUT we KNEW that life was from God! And oh the love that was in our hearts for baby number five! I have two children who are high functioning autistic so with the cancer it has been a hard road. Went through hell on earth getting rid of cancer/tumor in spleen and liver but I am alive. And even with all the difficulty and confusion I cannot tell you how blessed I have been to have my precious children, each one is a miracle!
Two weeks ago my fifth child died at almost five months. I was home alone when I found him, most horrible moments of my life and my littles watching the terror. There are no words.
Life IS from God. I am sorry to be sad, but we all need that reminder. A few of those who judged us for our "numbers" saw our deep love for our number five at the funeral. My husband wept openly like no man I've ever seen. I pray that those that love children will love them more and those who judge will see that those (most anyway) of us who make choices to have more love each of our children and we WANT our blessings!
I will probably tell my story somewhere else, I do not want to kill this positive thread so please no need to you are sorry here....please keep encouraging each other in the lonely choices, it blesses me to read your posts. Each life is a gift--and I want the short life of my little Nicholas Abraham to underline that fact!
Also....I am the oldest of eleven, my husband middle of nine. All the siblings but one from each of our families came from all over to grieve with us. Ages from 15-45 between our two families. What a testimony.... these little blessings will be a BIG blessing to all of you in the future and then all the people stop their mouths!
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Old 08-06-2012, 06:05 PM   #163
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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Wrote out some of my story but too sad right now so tried to delete the whole thread but they won't let me...or I'm just dumb...so I have to say something. Maybe I'll get brave and post the whole thing later.

Thanks for all the sharing--it is encouraging. We had our first three in three years and five in six years. Because of major serious health concerns and warning from drs. my husband felt like we should "wait", yet both of us were open and wanting all the children God would give us. Ha, ha, and we still had them close...last two were 11 months a part. And God has kept me alive through it all. My children are my miracle blessings and so worth it. I feel like it is in the heart of the matter--Jesus said, Let the little children come unto Me for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven!
Big hugs mama! I read your story before and it touched my heart. Much love and peace to you and yours.
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Old 08-06-2012, 07:41 PM   #164
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Thank you ladies, you are a sweet group. Blessings on all of you and your sweet little ones! And on all of your husbands too, can't forget the wonderful men who love thier wives and children and are willing to sacrifice for them.
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Old 08-06-2012, 07:44 PM   #165
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

What a HUGE HUGE HUGE blessing this post was to me! Thank you!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by peacefulj View Post
Thank you Erin. Ok, so here is what I erased. Had such a hard day today....no support no friends, very alone where I live....anyway, here's my thread killer....



Some of this is sad, please do not make me feel bad by letting me kill this thread!
We got started late, I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids, and that I shouldn't. VERY VERY VERY hard pregnancies, and two miscariages. First three children were born in less than three years, then with the fourth I found out I had cancer. Already had a lot of judgement, but I knew that baby was a blessing for us in spite of it all. Then crazy crazy got pregnant with number five several weeks after number four. 11 months a part. Because of my health situations we didn't tell many people. Most of baby number four I was dying and others mothered my children, so it made no sense to anyone for us to be pregnant again. BUT we KNEW that life was from God! And oh the love that was in our hearts for baby number five! I have two children who are high functioning autistic so with the cancer it has been a hard road. Went through hell on earth getting rid of cancer/tumor in spleen and liver but I am alive. And even with all the difficulty and confusion I cannot tell you how blessed I have been to have my precious children, each one is a miracle!
Two weeks ago my fifth child died at almost five months. I was home alone when I found him, most horrible moments of my life and my littles watching the terror. There are no words.
Life IS from God. I am sorry to be sad, but we all need that reminder. A few of those who judged us for our "numbers" saw our deep love for our number five at the funeral. My husband wept openly like no man I've ever seen. I pray that those that love children will love them more and those who judge will see that those (most anyway) of us who make choices to have more love each of our children and we WANT our blessings!
I will probably tell my story somewhere else, I do not want to kill this positive thread so please no need to you are sorry here....please keep encouraging each other in the lonely choices, it blesses me to read your posts. Each life is a gift--and I want the short life of my little Nicholas Abraham to underline that fact!
Also....I am the oldest of eleven, my husband middle of nine. All the siblings but one from each of our families came from all over to grieve with us. Ages from 15-45 between our two families. What a testimony.... these little blessings will be a BIG blessing to all of you in the future and then all the people stop their mouths!
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Old 08-06-2012, 08:18 PM   #166
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Quote:
Originally Posted by peacefulj View Post
Thank you Erin. Ok, so here is what I erased. Had such a hard day today....no support no friends, very alone where I live....anyway, here's my thread killer....



Some of this is sad, please do not make me feel bad by letting me kill this thread!
We got started late, I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids, and that I shouldn't. VERY VERY VERY hard pregnancies, and two miscariages. First three children were born in less than three years, then with the fourth I found out I had cancer. Already had a lot of judgement, but I knew that baby was a blessing for us in spite of it all. Then crazy crazy got pregnant with number five several weeks after number four. 11 months a part. Because of my health situations we didn't tell many people. Most of baby number four I was dying and others mothered my children, so it made no sense to anyone for us to be pregnant again. BUT we KNEW that life was from God! And oh the love that was in our hearts for baby number five! I have two children who are high functioning autistic so with the cancer it has been a hard road. Went through hell on earth getting rid of cancer/tumor in spleen and liver but I am alive. And even with all the difficulty and confusion I cannot tell you how blessed I have been to have my precious children, each one is a miracle!
Two weeks ago my fifth child died at almost five months. I was home alone when I found him, most horrible moments of my life and my littles watching the terror. There are no words.
Life IS from God. I am sorry to be sad, but we all need that reminder. A few of those who judged us for our "numbers" saw our deep love for our number five at the funeral. My husband wept openly like no man I've ever seen. I pray that those that love children will love them more and those who judge will see that those (most anyway) of us who make choices to have more love each of our children and we WANT our blessings!
I will probably tell my story somewhere else, I do not want to kill this positive thread so please no need to you are sorry here....please keep encouraging each other in the lonely choices, it blesses me to read your posts. Each life is a gift--and I want the short life of my little Nicholas Abraham to underline that fact!
Also....I am the oldest of eleven, my husband middle of nine. All the siblings but one from each of our families came from all over to grieve with us. Ages from 15-45 between our two families. What a testimony.... these little blessings will be a BIG blessing to all of you in the future and then all the people stop their mouths!
I don't really belong in here (agnostic with two kids, one on the way and planning to get a tubal after this one gets here) But I was lurking and reading the stories and just wanted to tell you that yours touched me. You sound like an awesome woman and a great mother. My heart goes out to you and your littles. You sound like an amazing family.
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Old 08-07-2012, 01:01 PM   #167
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

we also leave our family planning to the Lord, and despite being a part of a solid church are the lone rangers on this topic. it's hard when you are alone in something like this that requires so much encouragement!

we have a 23 month old, 10 month old and are expecting another in february. they will be 2/12 and under. it took 1 1/2 years after marriage to conceive our 1st daughter and now they seem one after another.

actually was looking for encouragement today!
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Old 08-13-2012, 04:31 AM   #168
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Thank you peacefulj for sharing your story. I will honor your request to keep the thread upbeat but I would love to read more of your story if you do share it. What a journey you've had.

I'm very excited to report that my DH seems to be coming back to wanting more!! I hadn't brought it up in a serious way in a long time and I've even started telling people "Maybe" when they ask if this will be our last baby. Well, we were at a family wedding over the weekend and when someone asked that I simply said "We just take it one at a time." but DH chimed in with "Ah, we might have another." His work situation has been killer and with his commute he's gone 12 hrs a day. He decided to take a 6 week paternity leave when I have the baby and I think the relief of knowing he'll get a break soon has helped already. I figured that stress was the main reason he was saying that maybe this should be our last baby. What a blessing for him to even hint that he's open to more!
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Old 09-01-2012, 09:14 PM   #169
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

I am sure she appreciates the thoughts and care all the same.
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Old 09-06-2012, 01:02 PM   #170
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

My grandmother had 11 children, and my mother was the 9th. I love my extended family very much, but all my aunts uncles and cousins have chosen to keep their families smaller. I will, too, because of how having such a large family affected my mother growing up and my grandmother's health.

Having so many children really wore out my grandmother's body, and they couldn't afford to eat healthy food, either, which didn't help. I miss my grandparents (grandpa died of smoking) and I wish they were still alive. Our extended family was a lot closer when my grandparents were around because we'd have monthly family nights at their house. Now I don't see everyone together much anymore. I wish that my grandparents had taken better care of their health so we could be together as a family again.

I wish my mom hadn't been a ninth child. She loves my sister and I dearly, and she's do anything for us, but because she was raised by her sisters, she doesn't really know how to be a mother. It's easier to accept now that I'm older, but it was really hard for me to deal with growing up. My mom didn't understand what a parent's role was as her child was growing up. I know it must have been really hard for her growing up, too. I know her mom was too tired to be involved enough in my mom's life.

What I wanted to say is that having a large family can be a lot of fun, but the downsides can be quite serious and can last for generations. A lot of my cousins have had serious struggles growing up, probably from similar issues as those I struggled with with my mom. I love all my aunts, uncles and cousins, but if I could shrink my family to still have my grandparents, and give my mom a normal childhood, I would in a heartbeat. There's a reason all of us have had small families since.
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