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Old 03-19-2013, 09:03 PM   #381
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I have really struggled with this at times because I have lost half of all my pregnancies...I am pregnant with baby five now, and so he or she will break that percentage if we make it to the end. It is especially hard for me to go through being sick and not being able to serve the rest of my family well and then God taking the baby. I have dealt with a LOT of anger and depression over the years, and the last time I lost a baby it took 2 years for me to be "ok" with God...I know it is wrong, but I am just being honest. I still feel so far away oftentimes. Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts and her blog aholyexperience.com has helped me through many days. I think I'll go back and read through this entire thread and see if anyone else has some insight on this...thanks, mamas! <3

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Old 03-20-2013, 06:51 AM   #382
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

I feel the same way, epanouie. I don't feel close to God like I have my whole life. I used to not be able to understand how people could get angry with God until I got here, and got angry and I didn't get angry until I lost my 3rd baby. I made it almost 30 years without getting angry with God and I think I might have been a bit smug about it.

I actually think that's part of the plan, that I needed that level of empathy and I had to break that much to get there. I also needed the humility lesson.

Now I feel distant from God and I want desperately to be back with Him, close to Him. I am praying to get back there.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:46 AM   #383
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

((HUGS)) Praying for you!!


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I have really struggled with this at times because I have lost half of all my pregnancies...I am pregnant with baby five now, and so he or she will break that percentage if we make it to the end. It is especially hard for me to go through being sick and not being able to serve the rest of my family well and then God taking the baby. I have dealt with a LOT of anger and depression over the years, and the last time I lost a baby it took 2 years for me to be "ok" with God...I know it is wrong, but I am just being honest. I still feel so far away oftentimes. Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts and her blog aholyexperience.com has helped me through many days. I think I'll go back and read through this entire thread and see if anyone else has some insight on this...thanks, mamas! <3
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:47 AM   #384
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

I HIGHLYreccomend the CD "The Hopeful Theology of Miscarriage" from Vision Forum. It is AWESOME! One of the best audios EVER!
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:48 AM   #385
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Those of you who suffer misscarrages often just think you have the honor of carrying that baby (and dying to self) and delivering him or her straight into the loving arms of Jesus. What a sacrifice for his Honor and Glory!
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:49 AM   #386
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Praying for you! You are right. We all need a humility lesson often I know I do.

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I feel the same way, epanouie. I don't feel close to God like I have my whole life. I used to not be able to understand how people could get angry with God until I got here, and got angry and I didn't get angry until I lost my 3rd baby. I made it almost 30 years without getting angry with God and I think I might have been a bit smug about it.

I actually think that's part of the plan, that I needed that level of empathy and I had to break that much to get there. I also needed the humility lesson.

Now I feel distant from God and I want desperately to be back with Him, close to Him. I am praying to get back there.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:53 AM   #387
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I feel the same way, epanouie. I don't feel close to God like I have my whole life. I used to not be able to understand how people could get angry with God until I got here, and got angry and I didn't get angry until I lost my 3rd baby. I made it almost 30 years without getting angry with God and I think I might have been a bit smug about it.

I actually think that's part of the plan, that I needed that level of empathy and I had to break that much to get there. I also needed the humility lesson.

Now I feel distant from God and I want desperately to be back with Him, close to Him. I am praying to get back there.
Thank you so much-- I definitely needed to hear your perspective this morning!!
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:53 AM   #388
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((HUGS)) Praying for you!!
Thank you so much!!
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Old 03-20-2013, 09:03 AM   #389
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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Originally Posted by yellowitchgrl View Post
I feel the same way, epanouie. I don't feel close to God like I have my whole life. I used to not be able to understand how people could get angry with God until I got here, and got angry and I didn't get angry until I lost my 3rd baby. I made it almost 30 years without getting angry with God and I think I might have been a bit smug about it.

I actually think that's part of the plan, that I needed that level of empathy and I had to break that much to get there. I also needed the humility lesson.

Now I feel distant from God and I want desperately to be back with Him, close to Him. I am praying to get back there.
I am right there as well. Struggling to get back but still angry. It's a tough place to be.

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I HIGHLYreccomend the CD "The Hopeful Theology of Miscarriage" from Vision Forum. It is AWESOME! One of the best audios EVER!
JMHO but I REALLY disliked this message. It threw me for a pretty big loop when he talked about how he believes we may not see our babies in Heaven if they were not part of His predestined. I came to the prayerful conclusion that I just can not agree with that philosophy. It's pretty horrid, again, IMO. The other part of the message was great about God's hand in choosing us as a vessel for a new soul, but to then say that soul could be in hell? Makes absolutely no sense. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that is how I heard it. I've only listened to it once (I have the DVD) but I was devastated by it until I sought His insight.
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Old 03-20-2013, 09:35 AM   #390
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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Those of you who suffer misscarrages often just think you have the honor of carrying that baby (and dying to self) and delivering him or her straight into the loving arms of Jesus. What a sacrifice for his Honor and Glory!
The honest (and ugly) truth is that I can't seem to focus on that or think that way. I'm stuck in the now and not with the Kingdom in mind. I want my babies HERE with me. I find only minor comfort in them being in heaven.

It's something else I have to work on.
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