Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

[dannimom]

cropraiser-God wants you to be healthy to raise your kids! He'll understand, and guide you to what's right for you.

[jcalumna]

My husband has 7 siblings. My MIL tells me stories of people making comments about the number of children they had. Just recently, she said to me, "Why do these people care? They are not the ones having the children."

She also told me that whenever people made a comment about them having another child that she & my FIL would say "We love children" and that would usually shut people up.

My FIL shared with me early in my marriage that each time they found out they were having another child, he would get a raise or a promotion and that God always provided for them. My ILs managed to raise 8 healthly, socially & financially responsible children on the salary of a super market manager. (MIL was a SAHM).

I also have a visual memory of my FIL's funeral. I recall walking out of the church after his funeral. There was a procession of his casket with my MIL walking behind it & then their 8 children behind their mother. That image has made a profound impact on me. At that point, I realized what an impact this one man made on the world - he left 8 children. Pretty impressive legacy for a supermarket manager who was an average person.

Recently my 79 year old widowed MIL told me she feels bad for people who don't have children because it must be so lonely. She says there's always someone calling or coming over & it keeps her busy. And let me tell you, she's very sharp for her age! She still knows all the birthdays of her 8 children & their spouses plus her 19 grandchildren & all her great grandchildren. She's a great woman & a wonderful MIL.

My ILs inspire me when it comes to dealing with people who have opinions about YOUR life and YOUR children.

I'm surprised at how many comments I have been getting with my 2nd pregnancy (from both family & strangers). After 5 years of marriage which included a miscarriage & an ectopic pregnancy, my DD was conceived. We were surprised that we were pregnant & so happy when she was born. When she was 7 months old, we conceived again. I can't say it was necessarily planned or unplanned. My hubby & I agreed to be open to life & see what happens. We were both surprised to be pregnant again so soon, but happy.

I remember telling my grandmother that I was pregnant again & her remark was "What did you go & do that for?" Yet, this is the same woman who growing up taught me that "children are a blessing".

When someone makes a comment about the spacing of my children, I respond "That's how God gave them to us!" That usually suffrices.

Last week while at the supermarket, a stranger saw me carrying my 14 month old on my hip into the grocery store. She said of my daughter "She's so cute!". I replied "Thank you!". Then the lady said in a nasty tone, "You're having another one?". As much as this annoyed me, in a cheerful tone I responsed, "Yes, she's so cute, why wouldn't I want to have another one?"

[weesej]

We leave our family up to God, except for some brief stretches of time for health reasons. I had Lyme last year and needed a good space of time to treat it and heal. We actively avoided for about 5 months...then couldn't feel comfortable doing it any longer...God gave us another 8 months on top of that! We are now expecting #9, but with a 19 month old this is the longest I haven't been pregnant by many months since I was 18 years old!

[weesej]

Does anyone here fear having too many kids/more that they can handle? This is something that is always on my mind. I've been pregnant pretty much every year since I've been with DH and I'm only 25 which means I still have 10ish years left of fertility and the thought that I could get pregnant each of those years really freaks me out :/

Normally fertility slows as you get older. i can't tell you how often I see a mom with loads of little ones from her 20's then it spaces way out in her 30's and maybe has 1 or 2 in her 40's. I had 7 in my 20's and YES it could be overwhelming at times. I had 1 at 30 and will have another now at 33, so already we can see I am NOT on track to have 7 in my 30's

A good friend once told me that once our oldest hit age 10 (if well trained) we get more and more helpers rather than more and more babies. What a blessing!! I might have the same # of toddlers and babies, etc but I have more hands to help around the house! My 11 DD has been such a blessing now that I am feeling yucky with #9.

[boogamama]

Originally Posted by raisingcropsandbabies I have had 4 kids in 4 years and am 27 years old. The last 3 births being c-sections after a traumatic birth with my first. My last c/s was more complicated and healing was harder. I am fertily (I know not a word) blessed. Right now, we are praying hard and seeking God's will about another baby and the timing when/if it should happen because of possible risks to me/baby and healing issues. We feel He will direct us in what path to take and so we pray and trust that He'll show us His will and give us the strength to carry it out, no matter which way He leads us. I feel such a God-peace about waiting and seeking Him right now and know He is blessing our decision. If we didn't use condoms, I know I would be pregnant right now (God has blessed me so much with fertility, it's just the birthin' part where I think a fallen world has come into play). So we are using condoms while we wait on Him. I think a lot is all about convictions too. While some people may say we are not leaving our childbearing upto God because we are using condoms or others are using NFP (and their conviction for them is to use nothing), I feel like we are leaving it upto God because we are actively praying and seeking His will for our lives and family and trusting God will show us in His time. If I felt God was was convicting me about our use, then I would stop immediatly Hope I'm wording that right. I think to some extent, we all have a bit of a say about our family size. One can choose what day to have sex on or not to have sex on. If we choose to have sex on a day when we are ovulating without using a barrier method, you are saying, "yes, God, we are open to another baby and we leave it upto you to decide to help us make a baby". If you abstain from sex on those days (or the few days prior to ovulation), then you are not going to get pregnant unless it's some true miracle. So even if some women use NFP, then one can argue they not leaving childbearing upto God, yes? (I know many who claim to be quiverful and still use NFP for spacing. And I know a few who've decided to be done childbearing when Mama's life would become more at risk if they chose to continue having children. Then there is the issue of fertility issues and couples' choices to try IVF to get pregnant because it's not happening naturally). I find no fault with thse, but wonder if die-hard quiverful families do.... My aunt's mom and dad were Catholic and had 10 children and were maxed out. They never technically used "birth control", but started sleeping in separate bedrooms and limited sex because they felt so done at 10 kids... in my opinion, that was birth control... Anyway, things to ponder... it's a tricky subject. I think, in the end, you have to seek God's will for YOUR family and go the direction you feel HE is leading you. And asking Him to make your heart so sensitive to His voice. Not the way a "movement" is leading you. I hope I'm wording that right. A theme in my life has kind of been thinking there is "a right way -such and such- should happen" and then forces beyond my control changing it and realizing that God can bless many circumstances. Okay, enough rambling! Off to bake some bread while all is quiet (or does that mean I should check on my hooligans???)

I think you worded this perfectly! It really is about our personal relationship with the Lord. Being open to hear as you seek HIM! He says in His word that we will find Him if we seek Him with our whole heart. I believe this wholeheartedly, and have been witness to its' truth.

[dannimom]

weesej-Wonderful story! Lovely family!

[christina2babyboys]

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing! What a wonderful testimony! Praise the Lord! ((HUGS)) So glad you shared.

Originally Posted by fishmom We had our first three in three years. When I found out I was pregnant with #3, I cried. After he was born I had pelvic floor dysfunction and had to get physical therapy to resolve it. I told everyone that my body was closed for business! DH went in to consult for a V, but never followed through. I went on the pill, but had issues from that so DH used protection from then on. (May God forgive me for any babies lost during that time.) Our marriage and spiritual life were shaky at best. We were involved in a legalistic, spiritually abusive church which culminated in a life/marriage crisis 6 years ago. We went through 2 years of counseling and God slowly worked on our hearts and placed us in a great church. One day during service there was a mom with the cutest baby sitting in front of us and we both couldn't stop staring. We turned to each other and we just knew that we were ready to open our hearts and arms again. That summer we spent a week w/my SIL & BIL who had 9 (now 10) kids. It was a wonderful, confirming time for our newfound conviction. Their family was such a blessing to be around. It turns out I was newly pregnant on that trip, but ended up miscarrying a month later. We were all heartbroken, but our desire for more babies was cemented further and our faith in His perfect will was strengthened. I became pregnant again 2 months later and our whole family has been blessed with the joy of our little guy. I am now due with #5 in August and we are all so excited. It has been a journey and I can only hope that our lives will stand as a testimony to His grace and goodness. I think some people keep waiting for us to stumble to say "I told you so." Surely your teens will rebel, they say. Surely you will become too overwhelmed with all those kids. Surely you are getting too old and will end up with a special needs child; that'll teach you. I'm ashamed to admit that I used to think that way about my SIL. There will always be naysayers and the enemy hates families like ours, but we know Who prevails! Having a large family doesn't guarantee anything good or bad. I must always remember that it is Christ alone and none besides. This is my struggle as I deal with the distractions of this world and the work I've been given called motherhood. Pray that I always seek Him first and I will do the same for you sweet mamas! Sorry for the novel, but I really wanted to share our testimony ever since I saw this thread begin.

[christina2babyboys]

Amen! My dear friend has never used BC and has always been open to whatever the LOrd gave and they only have 1 child who is 19 yrs old (my friends are in their late 40s). And they are content with what He gave them.

Originally Posted by supejed05 What a beautiful testimony, fishmom! I think you're comment about large family size (and I would add small family size as well) not guaranteeing a good life is right on. No matter how many children or how few we are blessed with, we must work out our salvation by bearing our cross daily. The important thing is the openness to life, the abandonment of self will to God's will. Those who expect children just because they are not doing anything to avoid conception should beware pesuming on the Lord's generosity. There are many couples who have "done everything right" but are unable to conceive or must endure the heartbreak of multiple miscarriages. All iterations of family size are by God's will, as long as the couple is generously open to life. I once read a marrige book that said choldren are the bonds that draw husband and wife together and strengthen the marriage. Some people love so well that all they need is one or two "bonds," but most marriages probably need at least five or six! When you allow God to plan your family, you are open to receiving the gifts that are best for your marriage.

[christina2babyboys]

I get those comments too. We have 4 boys under 5 years old and we are expecting and we get that stuff everytime we leave the house. You inlaws sound amazing! Children definitely grow us spiritually and humble us as well.

Originally Posted by jcalumna My husband has 7 siblings. My MIL tells me stories of people making comments about the number of children they had. Just recently, she said to me, "Why do these people care? They are not the ones having the children." She also told me that whenever people made a comment about them having another child that she & my FIL would say "We love children" and that would usually shut people up. My FIL shared with me early in my marriage that each time they found out they were having another child, he would get a raise or a promotion and that God always provided for them. My ILs managed to raise 8 healthly, socially & financially responsible children on the salary of a super market manager. (MIL was a SAHM). I also have a visual memory of my FIL's funeral. I recall walking out of the church after his funeral. There was a procession of his casket with my MIL walking behind it & then their 8 children behind their mother. That image has made a profound impact on me. At that point, I realized what an impact this one man made on the world - he left 8 children. Pretty impressive legacy for a supermarket manager who was an average person. Recently my 79 year old widowed MIL told me she feels bad for people who don't have children because it must be so lonely. She says there's always someone calling or coming over & it keeps her busy. And let me tell you, she's very sharp for her age! She still knows all the birthdays of her 8 children & their spouses plus her 19 grandchildren & all her great grandchildren. She's a great woman & a wonderful MIL. My ILs inspire me when it comes to dealing with people who have opinions about YOUR life and YOUR children. I'm surprised at how many comments I have been getting with my 2nd pregnancy (from both family & strangers). After 5 years of marriage which included a miscarriage & an ectopic pregnancy, my DD was conceived. We were surprised that we were pregnant & so happy when she was born. When she was 7 months old, we conceived again. I can't say it was necessarily planned or unplanned. My hubby & I agreed to be open to life & see what happens. We were both surprised to be pregnant again so soon, but happy. I remember telling my grandmother that I was pregnant again & her remark was "What did you go & do that for?" Yet, this is the same woman who growing up taught me that "children are a blessing". When someone makes a comment about the spacing of my children, I respond "That's how God gave them to us!" That usually suffrices. Last week while at the supermarket, a stranger saw me carrying my 14 month old on my hip into the grocery store. She said of my daughter "She's so cute!". I replied "Thank you!". Then the lady said in a nasty tone, "You're having another one?". As much as this annoyed me, in a cheerful tone I responsed, "Yes, she's so cute, why wouldn't I want to have another one?"

[christina2babyboys]

Congrats on this pregnancy! Your family is beautiful!

Originally Posted by weesej We leave our family up to God, except for some brief stretches of time for health reasons. I had Lyme last year and needed a good space of time to treat it and heal. We actively avoided for about 5 months...then couldn't feel comfortable doing it any longer...God gave us another 8 months on top of that! We are now expecting #9, but with a 19 month old this is the longest I haven't been pregnant by many months since I was 18 years old!