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Old 05-13-2012, 09:41 PM   #1
Dillysmum
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Separated but living together?

So......
After 16 yrs of marriage my husband and I are separating I'm so confused at what to do. We have 2young boy's (3 and 5). I'm a stay at home mom. We are separating because my husband has had 1 physical affair (2 yrs ago) we did counseling and I was starting to trust him again. But found put he was texting and talking to another female coworker all the time. He said nothing happened but I just don't believe him. He lied to me when I questioned him about it at first them finally said they were just good friends. That is what he said about the first affair. There may be more but I'm not sure and really don't see the point in trying to find out now. I do not trust him at all. I feel so betrayed and really just want space for a while. He acts like this is a great idea! He has become very selfish lately and he loves attention from other women, that is what started the affairs. Unfortunately we are moving into a new rental house (decided and arranged before separation).I would back out but have none of my own money and new tenants are moving into our current house in a few weeks. Forgot to mention we live in Arkansas and my family all live in Florida. I really would like to move back home to Florida.
I feel like my husband wants his cake and eat it too. He wants to still live together, me to still be a stays at home mom and continue doing what I do but he wants the freedom to date other women. I have no choice but to stay for now. I have no money and no family Here. I really want to move back to Florida where I have family but don't want my boys to be so far from their dad. He has said eventually he will move back......

So....how long should I wait? Should I wait at all?

What do I do

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Old 05-13-2012, 09:48 PM   #2
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I dont think anything good will come of you continuing to live together. I honestly thing it would be best for you and your boys to move home. I understand not wanting them to be far from their dad. Things can get ugly and that's not good for them either.
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:59 PM   #3
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Re: Separated but living together?

I think leave ASAP. Do what you want and don't worry about him if you want to move back with family. ask family to help you.
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Old 05-13-2012, 10:11 PM   #4
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Re: Separated but living together?

your trust is broken. looking and reading over your post several times. it sounds like it would be better for you to leave. see if you can convince family to come and get you and get out of that negative environment. you don't need to be there, or your children involved in it.

also. as a side note. amused at your user name.
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Old 05-13-2012, 10:34 PM   #5
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Re: Separated but living together?

I think staying gives the children false hope of a reconciliaton. My opinion is it would be better for you to go home and have a support system. The only issue I can see is if you need to have permission from your soon to be ex to move the children out of state.
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Old 05-13-2012, 10:44 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by qsefthuko
I think staying gives the children false hope of a reconciliaton. My opinion is it would be better for you to go home and have a support system. The only issue I can see is if you need to have permission from your soon to be ex to move the children out of state.
This...

I'm so sorry.
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Old 05-14-2012, 12:15 AM   #7
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Re: Separated but living together?

I recommend that you read the book "the proper care and feeding of husbands" It should help you understand why this might have happened in the first place. It is worth it to try to save your marriage for your kids, I just hope it's not to late. I myself, through reading that book have had my eyes opened to why I have had some problems in my marriage. If you do leave I don't think you should leave right away. Take some time to think things through instead of doing something hasty. The children are his too and his feelings should still be considered when it comes to where they live.

Last edited by nappymaven812; 05-14-2012 at 12:16 AM.
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Old 05-14-2012, 08:11 AM   #8
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Re: Separated but living together?

I do have to say my husband has never been physically abusive to me or kids. He's not a drunk. He works to provide for us and is a great dad (when not preoccupied with himself) BUT He has turned into a crappy husband the last few years. He always puts himself first. He works out 6 days a week after work and on weekends. This has been an issue to. Sometimes the boys are in bed when he gets ho.e and they are still sleeping when he leaves for work. So I feel they are missing out. Our marriage is over. I don't see us fixing this. We have just grown apart during the last 19 years.
I feel the sooner we split ways the better and happier we will all be. I think i may hang out for a bit and get a job, enroll my boys in school and give him a time frame of 3 months then we are moving back home. That is plenty of time for him, I feel to find a job in Florida.
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Old 05-14-2012, 09:04 AM   #9
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Re: Separated but living together?

I wish you the best.
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Old 05-14-2012, 02:58 PM   #10
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Re: Separated but living together?

Dillysmum, I'm so sorry you're going through this... my heart breaks for you. If you think it would be helpful, you might want to check out the information on Focus on the Family's website about divorce and infidelity. I work with Focus, and I know that they often recommend the book, Love Must Be Tough for situations like yours. I hope that things improve for you soon. Praying for you!
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