Church with an out of control 3 yr old?

[luvsviola]

We have a church near us that has a special needs ministry. It is a large church, but if they find that a kiddo can't be successful in the Sunday school class (which is during church), they move him/her to the special needs class where there is a 1 on 1 person to be with the child. I really want to go there because DS is very aggressive (he's in therapy) and sometimes hard to manage, but DH is a life-time ELCA Lutheran and cannot/will not go to a non-denominational church.

[TooBusyBearcubs]

Originally Posted by mamashhon Wanted to offer hugs. We stopped going because of this reason. They offer a nursery but DS has autism and can't be left there (my choice, and I don't want to stress him out, he can't handle strangers and nursery shift changes from week to week). My DS distracts other people and its downright embarrassing sometimes. He will smack and kick me and scream that he wants to leave, so we don't go at all anymore

Hey mama - have you looked at some of the larger churches in your area? If you really want to find a place to go, I would start with the churches that have weekday preschools. Many of them have experience with a variety of kids, and there are some that actually do have experience with special circumstances, and that can sometimes translate into a Sunday School with the same people.
A good, responsible church will have the same main teacher in the class every week, with volunteers rotating. That was one of our criteria - we wanted both kids to have consistent Sunday School teachers each week, or we moved on. I realize that you have more to consider than that, though.
I realize you didn't really ask for advice, but if you do want to find a church, I would make a few phone calls to the Children's Ministries directors at some of the larger churches and see if they can recommend a church that would suit you and your son. With the right church, your son and his teachers would totally be a blessing to each other.

[MommyLyssa]

A couple of other ideas for the mama's who wanted them

- a magnet board/box. We use their metal lunch boxes, but you could use a small cookie sheet/ anything metal...we have magnets of cars/princesses/etc. from the $ bin at target, pretty colored magnets, or you can make them yourself! Then they are able to play and create stories and pictures with the magnets that stick right to the lunch box or cookie sheet

-lacing cards. We made our own out of ribbon and foam paper. We just cut shapes out of the foam, and then gave them a long thin piece of ribbon, tied the end of it, and let them lace it through the holes.

-Many times I just make bags of...stuff. Pipe cleaners, pom poms, clothes pins, buttons, a little make up bag (zipper things), cotton balls, really a lot of totally random craft or household items. Little ones can keep themselves occupied with the most random things (remember the cardboard box?)

-A match up. here is a pic, but you can make it of whatever he does know...shapes, colors, animal moms and babies, etc. http://pinterest.com/pin/48202658481641060/

-My daughter does great with little figurines, but my boys end up having them flying and fighting, and that doesn't exactly stay quiet, so that is up to you.

-my almost 7 year old is just staring to read (I know...late), and he loves it when I write a bunch of easy words on a paper and he has to draw the picture of what the word is. This isn't for the 3 year old, but for any moms of young elementary schoolers

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[mrseum]

I so feel you! I didn't read everything; but if you enjoy that church it makes it harder. I have no option to change right now since hubby is a youth pastor! we do have a pre-k room for ds1 but he REFUSES to go! No; I get dragged to the Korean service, hoping to make the English service for a few mins. Then we go to the nursery (thank God ds2 stays there!) then BACK to the Korean service. He is in control here- because I feel like 1. As a Pastor's wife I cannot have my child tantuming the entire time in pre-k, 2 I try to practice ap and it's his only alone time with me and 3 really- he loves he worship/k service, so why should I take it away if he's learning, just so I can go to service??
Anyways; we are going out of town for a month and I'm debating whether or not to go to my old church... If taking him is worth the hastle on my part.
Have you asked wy there is no care provided? Are there no young parents?? If you can switch that may be best- but be warned your lo just may NOT sit in the nursery pre-k room that yo switch for. taking breaks from church... I never find it to be a good idea- but sometimes it's just necessary. Do you have someone who
Could take dd to church while you work on ds' patience level? Maybe she has a classmate that goes and the parents wouldn't mind her tagging along?

[3 ladybugs]

I feel you also. My son has missed I think 3 Sunday services his WHOLE life. He has more then made up with those with going to church on other days though. He is 3.75 and he still has issues in church.

One thing we found helped us is to go to the first service of the day. Many older people think the opposite is true. That this makes them worse. I found that DS behaves better when he is more awake.

My church has a cry room that you can still follow along with everything and not be in the sanctuary. This room we have used for time outs when DS was too much. He can scream his head off in there and not bother people... though I admit that I can hear him when DH takes him in there. The rest of the congregation, is un bothered by it.

We have a bag of fun things that he can do ONLY in church. This bag we keep in the car and is wonderful. Though now that I think about it I should bring it into the house as it has crayons in it.

We have also rewarded DS for being good in church. We are not expecting perfection, but when he is better then normal, we will reward him. That helps a bit.

One thing you need to remember is that no matter how bad we think our children are, odds are they are not that bad to other people. I can't tell you how many times I have had one of those days in church where I felt like I was at the end of my rope with DS, only to be told by people how well behaved my son was THAT day. Any church that is a growing and thriving church is going to encourage families to be there. Family's bring noise. As my father said one time when I told him we were having problems with a church who didn't like the noise my son was making, "I don't go to Chucky Cheese and expect it to be quiet. If I am going to be where children are, there is going to be a level of noise." Needless to say we left the church that was giving us problems.

Good luck!

[MamaJules]

At our church, the kids go to the main service for the beginning singing and stuff, then to children's church during the sermon. But at my mom's church, all the kids stay in the service the whole time. Every time we go to my mom's church, I end up taking my kids to the cry room in the back about half way through. It always amazes me how those kids who have always stayed in the service, are able to do it without being fussy and trying to run around the room. There are some great ideas given here. Hope you are able to work out a solution! I personally feel like regular church attendance is so important. No, it is not mandatory, and doesn't make you a better Christian or anything, but I get so much out of it. And I want my kids to grow up and know that it's Sunday, so we are going to church. I don't want them to wonder are we going this week? Or can I sleep in?

[luvsviola]

Originally Posted by MamaJules It always amazes me how those kids who have always stayed in the service, are able to do it without being fussy and trying to run around the room.

No...I think there is more to the story. I think most of the time, those who have children who cannot sit quietly have just gotten fed up and switched churches to one with a nursery, or don't bring their kids to church.

[penelope picklebottom]

Thanks to all you wonderful mamas for the advice and support. We will keep working on it and hopefully come up with a solution soon. Switching churches is not an option because I need one within walking/biking distance. That limits me to about 5 and this is the best fit out of those 5. I really like the pastor and we just became members about 3 weeks ago so I really would feel silly starting the process all over again. They do have a nursery during the winter months for the early service and the pastor told me she has no problem with kids making noise in church, she is happy to see families there and kids make noise etc. I just feel bad because of the amount we miss or or I spend out in the back because of ds's behavior. What needs to happen is DH tell his work he cannot work Sunday mornings so we can attend service together as a family and that way I have a little backup and don't get so stressed. He works in retail and ends up with the garbage shifts because the college kids get to pick and choose their hours. It ticks me off that he gets scheduled EVERY Sunday.

[AbbieJack]

So what happens when he has a tantrum? What is his consequence for such behavior . Have you tried giving him a small reward (such as a sticker) if he can sit through service?

[bluedaisyma]

I have a 2 yr old who can sit for an hr looking at books, doing puzzles, etc without making a peep. At home. I haven't gone to church in a while. He likes the music but then he gets excited "hi man!" "mama, lady's hat!!", etc, so when it's quiet, he is not. (I haven't been since he was 22 mo maybe and he is 25 mo). Our church has a nursery but I won't leave him in there and the nursing room doesn't have a working TV (to see and hear the service) in a while. Now with a newborn, not sure when I will get back. It's hard bc my teens go there and I am not there. DH won't do church and I suppose I could leave the 2 yr old with him (he is now more into daddy now that the baby is here) but I want him at church too....