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Old 06-26-2012, 05:06 PM   #31
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Re: Church with an out of control 3 yr old?

i feel so sorry for you. i would also find a church with a childrens program. we have a wonderful children's program at our church and our kids beg us to go each sunday.

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Old 06-26-2012, 05:27 PM   #32
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Re: Church with an out of control 3 yr old?

I don't understand why people are trying to get the OP to change churches. It sounds like the OP is having issues with her son where ever they go but church is the worst. I don't think it's fair to the workers or the other children to place him on the childrens ministry if he can't behave. If he won't listen to his mother it is highly unlikely that he wool listen to the worker. Op I'm not saying your child is a bad kid or anything he has just not learned yet which is totally acceptable for a three year old as they are still little.
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:40 PM   #33
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Re: Church with an out of control 3 yr old?

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Originally Posted by AbbieJack View Post
I don't understand why people are trying to get the OP to change churches. It sounds like the OP is having issues with her son where ever they go but church is the worst. I don't think it's fair to the workers or the other children to place him on the childrens ministry if he can't behave. If he won't listen to his mother it is highly unlikely that he wool listen to the worker. Op I'm not saying your child is a bad kid or anything he has just not learned yet which is totally acceptable for a three year old as they are still little.
Agreed, even if the nursery was an option I would be too embarrassed to leave him there with his current behavior. He is good for our DCP but does not do well with strangers. The issue is not with the church, it's with the behavior of my child. To answer your first question about what do I do about the tantrums, he is immediately removed from church, the store, wherever it is when he starts up. At home he is sent to sit on the stairs until he calms down but that can sometimes take 20 min or more. There is no talking him down. All the tricks I used for my oldest have no effect on him. I talk to the kids before we go somewhere and let them know my expectations. Ex: "we are going to the store and you will ride in the cart and use our quiet voices. If you follow the rules we can do something fun afterwards. If you don't, we will have to sit in the car/ go home etc." My oldest needed the occasional reminder and there were a few times we had to leave places but for the most part the tantrums were short lived when she realized I was serious about the consequences. Good behavior was praised often and sometimes rewarded with small treats. My ds is the opposite and stubborn as a mule, he just flat out refuses to listen and the more firmly you tell him know the louder and more persistent he becomes. I have never give in, but I still feel like he is winning because he is interrupting our activities. How much can you really punish or take away from a 3 yr old? I can try to punish or redirect until i'm blue in the face but I feel like i'm getting nowhere. When he is good he gets a ton of verbal praise for it.
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Old 06-27-2012, 07:03 PM   #34
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Re: Church with an out of control 3 yr old?

I would suggest some behavioral counseling. DS (also 3) is in counseling, and it is a great help to us. I'm a teacher, and thought at first it would be a waste of time, but it has helped us a ton in stopping to think about why he is doing what he is doing, planning our discipline for him, and helping to get everyone in his life on board with the same plan of attack. Our DCP comes, as well as us. We have a counselor that comes to our home. At first, we did it every week while we got things under control, and now he comes every other week or every third week.
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Old 06-27-2012, 09:50 PM   #35
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Re: Church with an out of control 3 yr old?

i know exactly how you feel! Nothing works to calm down my ds! Some things I have been working on for a year with ZERO progress. And when We are out we spend the entire time disciplining him...so there is no point of even leaving the house. And your kid is the only one that acts up because all the other kids like him are probably kept at home.

You should try some behavioral therapy. Basically it's a rewards/discipline system put together by a professional who works with your child. You just continue the system at home.

Best of luck with your DS! don't let those meanies with their eye rolling get you down. A lot of these behaviors we dislike in children, we value in adults. Just think of how his current 'difficult' behaviors will turn into assets when he is the CEO of some huge corporation.
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Old 07-12-2012, 09:35 AM   #36
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Re: Church with an out of control 3 yr old?

Hi penelope ~
It's great that so many here have responded to your post and they've given you some really good ideas! I just wanted to jump on and tell you about a book you may want to check out. It's Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman. While working at Focus on the Family, I've heard from lots of folks about how they appreciate Dr. Leman's practical strategies. Anyway, just thought I'd mention it to you. Parenting is such hard work...yet so rewarding. Hang in there!
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Old 07-12-2012, 03:39 PM   #37
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Re: Church with an out of control 3 yr old?

I totally relate - and I promise, it gets easier.

My son is really...challenging. He went through a stage of major tantrums and yes it happened every Sunday in Church.

I think for about 8 months, I didn't actually hear much of anything in mass at all, and spent most of the time out in the foyer trying to entertain him. BUT we kept going, and it is way better now.

I left him bring a quiet toy, try to sit at the front so he can see what's going on - and I let him and my dd move. As long as they are quiet, they can move a bit in the pews, I don't over correct their behavior. They are waaay better, and it really helps to just keep at it.

Remember, it's about you and your relationship with God...not about what everyone around you thinks...and if you are calmer and less affected the kids will be too.

Just know you are not alone, and that it does get better!!
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