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Old 06-28-2012, 09:26 AM   #1
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Whining. How do you handle it?

DS is turning 2 in a week, and he's started whining a lot more. Some of it, to be fair, is that he's had a virus this week and hasn't felt good. So, I know much of it is related to not feeling well and also to not getting enough sleep because stomach cramps from the virus have kept him awake.

However, a good bit of it is just old fashioned "I'm not getting my way" whining. I can usually tell the difference between "I don't feel good" whining and "I'm being a toddler" whining.

When the whining starts I tend to shut down. I get annoyed, which makes me a little panicked, which kicks in my anxiety (I have GAD), which makes me shut down into a very cold person. I also just get very quiet and don't respond at all, which actually seems to lead to more of a breakdown rather than less of one.

My approach is clearly not working well for me. What do you all do? I'll give an example... Say DS wants to watch "scoops" (construction equipment) on the IPad. I say "no, we aren't going to do that now. you may go outside and water plants or you may read a book". He starts to cry, which invariably includes him saying "mommy mommy mommy" in a very nasally, whiney voice over and over and over and over and over until I think I will go quite mad. I ignore it. It escalates. I try to acknowledge his feelings. It escalates. I try to redirect or distract. It escalates...

Help??

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Old 06-28-2012, 09:50 AM   #2
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

With my 3.5 yr old, I turn to her and say something like "you do not talk like that. If you do it again, you are going to sit in the corner." And then when she does it again...because she does...she goes and sits in the corner for 3 minutes. Sitting in the corner is our "time out." I do it very "SuperNanny" style, by sitting her down, squatting down to her (or any more it's mostly bending over due to being pregnant enough that squating is uncomfortable,) and telling her that whining (or screaming cause it's screaming half the time and whining the other half) is not the way we talk in this out and she has three minutes in the corner for whining. Set the timer, watch to be sure she doesn't get up, at the end of three minutes, tell her she was whining and that's why she was in the corner and if she does it again she will be in the corner again. Nine times out of ten, it stops the whining and repeated asking for the same thing over and over after I have said no.
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Old 06-28-2012, 09:50 AM   #3
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I also have anxiety issues that whining seems to make worse. For my own sanity, I would tell ODS to go to his room. Of course at 2, that wasn't happening of his own will. So I would tell him then bring him to his room. Melt downs got him there, too. I would tell him he could come out when he was done. That he had a right to his feelings but I also had the right not to hear it. Tell him once, tell him again with the warning, execute plan. I would have to carry him back repeatedly for a while at first until it clicked. I still do this now at four years old. It gives him time to cool off and me time to collect myself so that I can deal with it better.
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Old 06-28-2012, 09:54 AM   #4
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I just tell them if you whine you won't get what you want. Then I have them ask again in a nice way. I never give into the whining, it drives me crazy.
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:16 AM   #5
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

First of all, we practice giving them the words to say so they ARE asking correctly.

Kid: "Moooommmm, I want this toy!"
Mom: "You need to ask the right way. Mom, may I please have this toy"
Kid repeats and gets nothing until they ask correctly. If they refuse to ask correctly, I keep repeating "You need to ask the right way" and do not get into any further discussion or attention for the whining.

If the answer is no, they cant have it no matter what way they ask
Kid starts whining
Mom "I know you are upset but the answer is no"
more whines
mom repeats phrase, walks away and ignores whining behavior. Whiners get nothing in this house.
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:36 AM   #6
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by doodah View Post
First of all, we practice giving them the words to say so they ARE asking correctly.

Kid: "Moooommmm, I want this toy!"
Mom: "You need to ask the right way. Mom, may I please have this toy"
Kid repeats and gets nothing until they ask correctly. If they refuse to ask correctly, I keep repeating "You need to ask the right way" and do not get into any further discussion or attention for the whining.

If the answer is no, they cant have it no matter what way they ask
Kid starts whining
Mom "I know you are upset but the answer is no"
more whines
mom repeats phrase, walks away and ignores whining behavior. Whiners get nothing in this house.
Yup. We do the exact same thing here.
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:39 AM   #7
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

I do one of two things. I either ask them to repeat in a normal voice, and the CORRECT way or I whine back. When I start whining back it usually makes my 5yo start giggling.
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:46 AM   #8
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

Earplugs?

Just kidding. Mostly. Even though I never ever give into whining, my 3 year old still does it. Blerg.
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Old 06-28-2012, 11:10 AM   #9
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

I tell them I can't understand them, please talk normal. I give an example of talking and an example of whining if they need it...sometimes they are adamant that they ARE talking normal.

Then it escalates to them needing space. I say "i can tell you need space right now, why dont you go in your rom until you calm down and can talk" If they contest, I ask what mommy does when shes cranky, do I whine or do I take space? Usually this is enough to get them to very angrily stomp upstairs.

Last resort: "If you continue to throw fits and/or whine, it means you need a nap" Then enforce it. If they are receptive to explanation, I try to tell them everyone has cranky days and I understand, but we need to learn how to feel better, and sleep can help.




(my phone is incredibly annoying and doesnt let me scroll to the very bottom of posts, so if I mess up, I end up with fragmented sentences at the bottom that I can't reach sorry)
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has cranky days, but maps help us feel better.
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Old 06-28-2012, 11:21 AM   #10
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

Wanted to add that needing space goes both ways. If I know I can't handle this and feel myself on the verge of a fit, I tell them I need space before I deal with their whining. They have also ignored this request and seen me snap as result. They are usually pretty good about listening to that now and let me be alone for a moment. I think it's good to show them an example of how to deal with big emotions and that even parents get them. I am capable of snapping and yelling too, but they can watch my attempts to avoid it.

Last edited by harmoni247; 06-28-2012 at 11:43 AM.
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