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Old 06-28-2012, 11:48 AM   #11
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

Thank you all so much. I don't "snap" so much as I just totally and completely disengage, which I almost think is far worse. I can't imagine being a two year old and being met with a stony wall of cold indifference, which is what happens when anxiety takes the reins when whining begins.

We already tell him we don't understand whining, and we do make him ask appropriately before he gets what he is asking for IF he gets it at all... but I REALLY like the suggestion to tell him that he needs to take some space to calm down and then enforcing it.

We use time out already for misbehavior, and that seems to work pretty well (we do 1-2-3 magic), but I do hate to "punish" for emotions. I think I will definitely try the phrase "you have a right to be upset, but I think you need some time to calm down so that you can ask appropriately for what you need"

If that doesn't seem to work after a week of consistently applying it, I'll count it like everything else, supernanny style... Thanks again. At least I don't feel like a horrible mom for not being able to handle the whining.

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Old 06-28-2012, 11:49 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doodah
First of all, we practice giving them the words to say so they ARE asking correctly.

Kid: "Moooommmm, I want this toy!"
Mom: "You need to ask the right way. Mom, may I please have this toy"
Kid repeats and gets nothing until they ask correctly. If they refuse to ask correctly, I keep repeating "You need to ask the right way" and do not get into any further discussion or attention for the whining.

If the answer is no, they cant have it no matter what way they ask
Kid starts whining
Mom "I know you are upset but the answer is no"
more whines
mom repeats phrase, walks away and ignores whining behavior. Whiners get nothing in this house.
Yep that

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Old 06-28-2012, 12:12 PM   #13
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

I try to ignore it to a point, but if it continues I give my daughter a warning to stop or she will go to time out and if she continues, she goes to time out. She is almost 3. With my 7 month old, I expect it, but she is getting 3 teeth right now and sometimes it gets a bit annoying so I chew a stick of gum and it actually helps me. Or I grab a mint and suck on that. Turning on the vacuum is also a good way to get her to calm down and I get something done. Sometimes a walk helps her calm down
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Old 06-28-2012, 12:25 PM   #14
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

One of my earliest memories is my mom telling me, "I can't hear you when you whine". It worked for me.

My LO is 2 now and doesn't have a lot of vocabulary. When she whines I say something like, "That's whining. Mama doesn't like whining. Say "please"." or "Ask nicely. No whining." The hard part for us right now is that she is only barely putting 2 words together, so she gets frustrated in trying to communicate, which leads to the whining. Usually she says "please" and we move on. If she keeps whining and starts crying, then I tell her, "You're throwing a temper tantrum." Walk her to her room (upstairs) or the laundry room/mud room (downstairs) and say, "You can come out when you are done."

I so don't have this figured out yet! It's hard knowing which whining is pain / frustration / naughtiness. But we're getting there. I think naming what they are doing and then modeling the correct way and then getting them to do it correctly is key, but hard!
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Old 06-28-2012, 01:53 PM   #15
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by Angel89411 View Post
I also have anxiety issues that whining seems to make worse. For my own sanity, I would tell ODS to go to his room. Of course at 2, that wasn't happening of his own will. So I would tell him then bring him to his room. Melt downs got him there, too. I would tell him he could come out when he was done. That he had a right to his feelings but I also had the right not to hear it. Tell him once, tell him again with the warning, execute plan. I would have to carry him back repeatedly for a while at first until it clicked. I still do this now at four years old. It gives him time to cool off and me time to collect myself so that I can deal with it better.
I struggle with whining too. This method has been most effective. I just need to ne consistent. I do still try to avoid them with sing-songy "no, silly, instead we can do x or y. Which one Will you chose?". Doesn't work all the time.
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Old 06-28-2012, 02:01 PM   #16
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

When my kids whine I tell them that I cannot understand what they are saying and that the need to speak in a regular voice. Sometimes it can take up to 5 tries before they speak plainly.
At two they really couldn't understand why they had to change their voice.
Check out happiest toddler on the block, I heard of an approach that would work really well for younger kids but I can't think of how to word it this minute and the baby just woke up from his nap. I think htat it might be some where along the lines of whining back at him and mirroring his behavior because kids can't understand the adult way of doing things.
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Old 06-28-2012, 02:01 PM   #17
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

When my kids whine I tell them that I cannot understand what they are saying and that the need to speak in a regular voice. Sometimes it can take up to 5 tries before they speak plainly.
At two they really couldn't understand why they had to change their voice.
Check out happiest toddler on the block, I heard of an approach that would work really well for younger kids but I can't think of how to word it this minute and the baby just woke up from his nap. I think htat it might be some where along the lines of whining back at him and mirroring his behavior because kids can't understand the adult way of doing things.
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Old 06-28-2012, 03:54 PM   #18
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I tell my five year old to stand still until she is done. She doesn't whine often anymore.
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Old 06-28-2012, 07:34 PM   #19
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by nicolemariep View Post
Earplugs?

Just kidding. Mostly. Even though I never ever give into whining, my 3 year old still does it. Blerg.


I tell them I do not understand whining or crying that they have to use there words. It was harder for ds1 bc he did not have many words until 3 but he was very good at communicating. ds2 has an amazing vocabulary but whine ALL THE TIME. I judt tell him I do not understand whining.
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Old 06-28-2012, 08:32 PM   #20
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Re: Whining. How do you handle it?

I have xero patience for whining and I tell that to my kids all the time. It isn't like something new that is sprung on them, lol. If they don't listen to their choices and start whining then they go to their room until they stop. If they whine at all, then they def. do not get what they want.
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