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Old 06-28-2012, 02:54 PM   #11
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I could totally be wrong on this, but since your dd is in the toddler room I think you can use the tuition as a deduction on your taxes. Every little bit helps!
I was a Montessori unbeliever but my son was in the class for just one year and it's pretty amazing. It's worth every penny. I've put my other son on the wait list.

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Old 06-28-2012, 05:58 PM   #12
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Re: Guilt about not being good SAHM; Montessori moms- questions!

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In regards to the question about finances- I won't be bringing home much extra money. It won't be enough to contribute to savings, have much fun time with, or plan a vacation within the year. It will primarily help as a mental boost for me and a positive, stimulating atmosphere for her. I am trying to remind myself that you cannot put a price on those things. I once called it "paying someone else to watch my child," because my income won't allow for taking much extra home.

Of course, I think Montessori will be much more than "paying for someone to watch my child," but that is not far from a logical statement for us.

kts- thanks for the advice about transitioning to school for my DD. The only expectation that I have is not to expect anything in particular for a while! I know that it might be rough for a while.

DH is more concerned about the finance aspect as it will be a new car payment, tuition, insurance raised, and we will be in a serious bind if our 100,000 + miles car causes problems with our new expenses! It is going to be an adventure. He does think that I should feel blessed to be able to stay at home. He knows a couple of friends whose wives are all too happy to do so. All I can do is explain to him that I have to do right by my child and my mental health, and hopefully he will see the proof is in the pudding soon!

In response to pcjs,

You are right- a happier mom makes for a happier child. I already get a small sense of that when I work some weekends.

Honestly, we really love the Montessori method and might follow it through for several years into elementary lower and upper. One step at a time though, right? I can't believe that school costs are so high everywhere! I live in the south right outside of a metro area. Guess that makes a huge difference.

Yea, if he wants someone staying at home, he can go for it. I think he would do a great job. He makes the most between us though, unfortunately lol.

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Those are all the right reasons to do it. Go for it. I get your husband's concerns and they are valid as we'd have the same ones if I went back to work (I do like staying home much to my surprise but I didn't plan on it and it just happened). It sounds like you are making a great educational choice for your daughter. I think its good for kids to do some type of school at 2-3 and know a lot of people picking Montessori especially because of the age issue and their kids just miss the cut-off to K. so they are putting them in at age 3, so by 5, they can do K. and 1st grade there and then transfer to pubic school (we may be joining them too). You haven't given me one reason NOT to do it. Its like any issues, especially the ones debated here, ultimately you are doing what is best for your child if it is right and works for you. My mom worked and it was right for her. I have no ill feelings toward her for working and it made her happy. It was all I knew so it was never even something I thought about growing up. If you are happy working and you know based on your part-time work, then take the job.
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Old 06-28-2012, 06:58 PM   #13
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Re: Guilt about not being good SAHM; Montessori moms- questions!

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Originally Posted by gabmaxi View Post
I could totally be wrong on this, but since your dd is in the toddler room I think you can use the tuition as a deduction on your taxes. Every little bit helps!
I was a Montessori unbeliever but my son was in the class for just one year and it's pretty amazing. It's worth every penny. I've put my other son on the wait list.
I did not think about this. I think there might be a tax break indeed (think I remember seeing it last year).

I'm glad that hear from someone who was converted to happy with Montessori! Good luck to your son on the waiting list

pcjs,

Thanks for summarizing and supporting me. It really helps me with a bit of confidence right now. I'm so glad to hear that you have no ill feelings as a child of a working mother, and that others know that staying at home is not for everyone.

Hopefully DH will feel better about this in a few months. I guess that a huge hit in the finances is never fun.
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Old 06-28-2012, 07:07 PM   #14
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Re: Guilt about not being good SAHM; Montessori moms- questions!

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Originally Posted by atria View Post
I did not think about this. I think there might be a tax break indeed (think I remember seeing it last year).

I'm glad that hear from someone who was converted to happy with Montessori! Good luck to your son on the waiting list

pcjs,

Thanks for summarizing and supporting me. It really helps me with a bit of confidence right now. I'm so glad to hear that you have no ill feelings as a child of a working mother, and that others know that staying at home is not for everyone.

Hopefully DH will feel better about this in a few months. I guess that a huge hit in the finances is never fun.
I have a few friends who work at least part-time just to get out of the house/do not like being home full-time. Its pretty "normal" around here. More women we know are home more because of finances/day care costs than for any other reason. That is the main reason I ended up staying home (now it is because I like it). Of those working, most are in your situation where they are making enough to pay expenses. Its pretty common. Just keep telling yourself, like diapers, formula (for those who use it) and other things, they are all time-limited and will be over soon enough.

Its a huge hit lifestyle and financial but if you are ultimately happier, that will benefit your family. I'd try to put it in the budget for someone to come in monthly or twice monthly to help with cleaning/laundry to also take some stress off of you now working full time.

Now that my son is 2 1/2, I wouldn't think twice if I needed to about putting him in a program that I was comfortable with. Next year I'm having him three afternoons a week. There are a lot of benefits for kids and no worries, she will thrive. Maybe if you are close by, once a week you and/or your husband can stop by for lunch. Sometimes kids respond better to other people so not having those daily power struggles will also be a huge benefit and you can enjoy the time you have together better. There are some days where I joke with my husband about now I know why women work, especially with the all day tantrums.

I think there is a tax credit and flexible spending account for child care too but I think you can only do one or another. I looked at it but it was a few years ago so I don't remember.
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Old 06-28-2012, 07:36 PM   #15
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I teach, so I'm a WOHM September-may and a SAHM June-August. I could NOT SAHM all year. It's June 28, and I'm already going stir crazy. I think you are setting a good example that its possible to love your children, make sure they are well taken care of by you and others, and you respect yourself enough to do what is best for you! You'd want your daughter to enjoy life, so its ok to show her how! A happy mom is the best mom.

Well, unless meth makes a mom happy, that's probably not the best mom. But I digress...
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Old 06-28-2012, 07:42 PM   #16
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Re: Guilt about not being good SAHM; Montessori moms- questions!

I agree with the PP who said as a child of a WOHM they never even thought about it. In fact I only had one friend (growing up) who had a SAHM and I don't recall thinking a thing about it. My mom always worked (she was a single mom most of my life though). I always thought she did absolutely everything she possibly could for me!
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Old 06-29-2012, 07:21 AM   #17
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Re: Guilt about not being good SAHM; Montessori moms- questions!

Thank you all! I didn't know I would receive such support
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:21 AM   #18
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Re: Guilt about not being good SAHM; Montessori moms- questions!

In addition to the tax credit, you can look into setting up a dependent care account. It will take money from your paycheck tax-free and put it into an account for you to pay child care from.
Mine is tied to our flexible spending account through my employer.
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:29 AM   #19
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Re: Guilt about not being good SAHM; Montessori moms- questions!

I can't speak to the WOHM question, but I can tell you that Montessori is a WONDERFUL choice! It is a relatively unique philosophy that ideally will involve the whole child and give them a great love of learning and ongoing curiosity about life. If you've done a tour, then you've already seen how the structure of both the classroom and the day are different than a typical school.
I would encourage you to look at some of the Montessori books out there. One of the coolest things about the philosophy is that you can incorporate a LOT of the Montessori structure and ideals into the things you do at home, which makes their education that much richer and more consistent. It really is very cool, and by incorporating some of those Montessori ideas, you can still be very involved in her day and what she is learning and doing, despite not being around her every single minute.
If you think you can afford it, I'd stretch to fit the school into your budget, and even if you aren't able to afford it in the future, you can continue to use the ideas at home.
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Old 06-29-2012, 09:55 PM   #20
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Re: Guilt about not being good SAHM; Montessori moms- questions!

This happened to me too mama. I was a nanny for 6 years and it seemed obvious that I would give my baby the same time and attention I gave to other people's babies. But when I got my little boy I was working in a new job I loved and finally felt like I was putting my brain to work. Changing diapers and doing laundry just didn't give the same reward. I was shocked and embarrassed, but I've come to terms. I work a modified schedule (4 days a week, leave work at 5 on the dot) and give more than half of each paycheck to our wonderful nanny. Don't feel bad about doing what's right for you and your family. I firmly believe a happy mama creates a happy home and a happy baby!

Regarding montessori: virtually all the children I nannied went to montessori after age 2. I do think it's a bit overpriced, though yours sounds much cheaper than those in my city. The curriculum and classes seem very warm and nurturing, so that's a real plus. However, for some kids I felt under 3 years was too young. The kids I watched all had an adjustment period, since they had been used to spending time with adults and in their homes, and were then suddenly surrounded by screaming toddlers. It seemed sort of unfair when they still didn't have adequate language to explain their feelings or communicate with the other children. If the cost is equivalent I would choose a nanny and postpone school until at least 3, because the change in language, social skills and overall maturity from 2 to 3 is huge. But every child is different, and you know yours best. I'm sure you'll make the right choice!
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