Help:upset and need advice - Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community

mslulubellekiwi · 06-03-2012, 02:49 PM

Today is my due date and last night S.O told me that his parents have doubts that he is the father and he has the same concerns and wants a paternity test to confirm things "for everyone". He said their concerns are valid because we were not living together when baby was conceived. I was absolutely devastated and asked him to leave which he didn't. I ran into the bedroom crying and he kept trying to push thru the door, after begging him to leave he kept coming forward so I pushed him on the shoulders and tried to close the door. He then threatened to have me charged with assault. It is my apartment and I had asked him multiple times to let me be.
I'm here on my own because months ago he promised to care for baby and I if I stayed in the USA, my family are all Down Under. He promised his family would embrace us too and I rarely see or hear from them. I feel deeply hurt and no longer want him at the delivery, I planned a natural birth and feel his presence would cause me too much upset. I feel very alone and sad. I spent most of the pregnancy addressing his personal insecurities and 'pep talking' him, I've carried this baby girl so far and enjoyed my pregnancy despite the lack of support. Only to find out on the eve of my due date that I've been cast under a cloud of doubt all along. I absolutely don't know what to do or how to move forward except I love this baby and will stay strong and positive for her. Any advice would be welcome....

keen1981 · 06-03-2012, 03:05 PM

You know... I'm gonna be the odd man on this and say do it. What difference does it make? If you were broken up at the time, you had issues. So why let this fester for the next 18 years.

I AM a child who's father paternity was questioned. For MANY years. Please, put your pride aside and do it for your CHILD.

kelpie169 · 06-03-2012, 03:06 PM

Wow. I have no words other than wow. What a...bad word. It's one thing to question paternity but it's a whole other ballpark with what he did. If it was me and I had the option I'd go home. I'm so sorry this is happening. I wish I was closer to offer real support, but alas this is it. I'm so sorry darlin!

happymama1 · 06-03-2012, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keen1981

You know... I'm gonna be the odd man on this and say do it. What difference does it make? If you were broken up at the time, you had issues. So why let this fester for the next 18 years.

I AM a child who's father paternity was questioned. For MANY years. Please, put your pride aside and do it for your CHILD.

I agree with this

mama!

bigmamakelsey · 06-03-2012, 03:32 PM

While I agree to just do the test, I think is is absolutely inappropriate that he waited until NOW to bring this up! How about when you got pregnant? How about AFTER the birth? But, no, 1 day before your DD. Totally insane. I would be so upset and hurt too, mama. Now was not the time.
I personally wouldn't want him at the birth, either. If you're going natural it would probably just make it progress really slowly if you aren't on good terms with eachother.
Have you thought about hiring a doula?

marliah · 06-03-2012, 04:43 PM

I agree with the others advice, just doing it so that it's not an issue for the rest of this child's life.

What horrible timing and a cruel way to bring it up to you though.

lemurkinsmommy · 06-03-2012, 05:04 PM

I agree with everyone else too, do the test. That way there is 100% no shadow of a doubt in anyone else's mind when the test comes back. I think its rediculous that he waits until now to accuse you.

bluemoonbutterfly · 06-03-2012, 05:24 PM

sorry that you are having to go through this. With the attitude he has, I would say that him being in labor/delivery with you would not be a good thing. Having a DNA test sounds like a good idea. Not saying that you where unfaithful or that the baby could be someone else's, just that it would prove the child is his.

princesslilahsmom · 06-03-2012, 05:47 PM

I also say take the test- I wouldn't want him at the birth though and I'd probably go home to my family. so sorry!

mslulubellekiwi · 06-03-2012, 05:48 PM

Thank-you for the responses! He said he did not bring his doubts up earlier because I would've flown back to my own family (who would've loved and accepted him unconditionally, cared mostly that we are healthy and happy). Now it is too late for me to make the twenty plus hour flight back.
Still it was very unfair for him to wait so long to voice his 'valid concerns' and now he is calling me selfish because I don't want him to attend the birth. And calling me selfish for considering having baby closer to my family and support system in the first place. His words mean nothing given that today is DD and his family have rejected baby and I already. Its just me, my big belly and my cat.
When I do get the test results I hope they feel like the pathetic grandparents they are. I won't tell them when I go into labor and won't allow them to see baby till after the results are in. Till then I plan on treating them how I feel baby and I have been, mostly ignored.
I'm just grateful that I hired a doula to assist me thru labor and delivery because I'm going to need all my strength to birth my little girl. I need to be surrounded by Light and Love at this time, baby and I deserve better than this and I'm going to protect her whatever it takes. I want to bring her into the world unmedicated and can only do this if I feel grounded and empowered. I won't allow him to take this from her.

06-03-2012, 02:49 PM	#1
mslulubellekiwi Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: virginia Posts: 30	Help:upset and need advice Today is my due date and last night S.O told me that his parents have doubts that he is the father and he has the same concerns and wants a paternity test to confirm things "for everyone". He said their concerns are valid because we were not living together when baby was conceived. I was absolutely devastated and asked him to leave which he didn't. I ran into the bedroom crying and he kept trying to push thru the door, after begging him to leave he kept coming forward so I pushed him on the shoulders and tried to close the door. He then threatened to have me charged with assault. It is my apartment and I had asked him multiple times to let me be. I'm here on my own because months ago he promised to care for baby and I if I stayed in the USA, my family are all Down Under. He promised his family would embrace us too and I rarely see or hear from them. I feel deeply hurt and no longer want him at the delivery, I planned a natural birth and feel his presence would cause me too much upset. I feel very alone and sad. I spent most of the pregnancy addressing his personal insecurities and 'pep talking' him, I've carried this baby girl so far and enjoyed my pregnancy despite the lack of support. Only to find out on the eve of my due date that I've been cast under a cloud of doubt all along. I absolutely don't know what to do or how to move forward except I love this baby and will stay strong and positive for her. Any advice would be welcome....

06-03-2012, 03:05 PM	#2
keen1981 Registered Users Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 12,360 Ratings: 127 Feedback: 100%	You know... I'm gonna be the odd man on this and say do it. What difference does it make? If you were broken up at the time, you had issues. So why let this fester for the next 18 years. I AM a child who's father paternity was questioned. For MANY years. Please, put your pride aside and do it for your CHILD. __________________ BFing, CDing, all natural mama to three boys! Certified lactation Counselor

06-03-2012, 03:32 PM	#5
bigmamakelsey Registered Users Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Montana Posts: 9,622 Ratings: 163 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Help:upset and need advice While I agree to just do the test, I think is is absolutely inappropriate that he waited until NOW to bring this up! How about when you got pregnant? How about AFTER the birth? But, no, 1 day before your DD. Totally insane. I would be so upset and hurt too, mama. Now was not the time. I personally wouldn't want him at the birth, either. If you're going natural it would probably just make it progress really slowly if you aren't on good terms with eachother. Have you thought about hiring a doula? __________________ K&K My little firecracker Lennon 10.09, crying before he fully emerged and My little sweetheart Indi 6.12, born smiling

06-03-2012, 04:43 PM	#6
marliah Registered Users Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Maine Posts: 1,591 Ratings: 25 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Help:upset and need advice I agree with the others advice, just doing it so that it's not an issue for the rest of this child's life. What horrible timing and a cruel way to bring it up to you though. __________________ Tara Joyfully serving Yeshua, Happy helpmeet to my dear husband J, Blessed momma to: J - 14, M - 12, D - 9, R - 3, M - 7/31/12 and praying for more!

06-03-2012, 05:04 PM	#7
lemurkinsmommy Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Lethbridge AB Posts: 2,242 Ratings: 66 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Help:upset and need advice I agree with everyone else too, do the test. That way there is 100% no shadow of a doubt in anyone else's mind when the test comes back. I think its rediculous that he waits until now to accuse you. __________________ Rosina, mommy to L (02-08-07) A (17-02-09) & A (05-06-12) the lights of my life, married to B my superhero!