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Old 07-01-2012, 08:06 PM   #11
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Re: do you get alot of unwanted advice?

No, I mostly get passive aggressive comments that let me know someone is judging me.

I do my own thing unless I am really struggling and think the person can actually help. But I am firm in my convictions about certain topics, and don't care if other people don't like the way I parent just because it isn't how they do/did things.

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Old 07-01-2012, 08:08 PM   #12
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Re: do you get alot of unwanted advice?

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Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
Part of it is that you are first time parents and part of it is that giving advice is how people make conversation with parents. Parents like to talk about their kids and other folks commiserate, sympathize, give advice, and generally talk about their own kids in response, as part of the conversation. It's generally not something to take offense at.
this x 1000

people are just trying to talk to you about something that they think might interest you.

I think they're trying to be nice. So, I generally respond as nicely as possible. If their parenting idea is one that I definitely do not like, I still respond nicely like 'I really think DD prefers.... ' or whatever.
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Old 07-01-2012, 08:10 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by happysmileylady
Part of it is that you are first time parents and part of it is that giving advice is how people make conversation with parents. Parents like to talk about their kids and other folks commiserate, sympathize, give advice, and generally talk about their own kids in response, as part of the conversation. It's generally not something to take offense at.
So true! Just listen and smile, say thank you...no one is trying to be malicious or discredit you, they just want to share and relate to you. You should only listen to your gut...
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Old 07-01-2012, 08:12 PM   #14
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Re: do you get alot of unwanted advice?

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I actually like getting advice. I have gleaned some great advice on here. I take what I like and forget what I don't. I have to try hard to not give advice though. I"m always so eager to share things that have worked for me.
also this.

I like hearing what other people think/do/etc.
Gives me things to consider as I make my own choices.

and I know that tons of people have never heard of growth spurts and sleep regressions, etc. Doesn't mean that they wouldn't benefit from hearing about it. Especially the growth spurts. I read a ton before I had a baby and I never really understood that one. I WISH someone had knocked me over the head with information about that one. My midwife didn't even think about it when DD was 3 weeks and I was thinking I wasn't making enough since she wanted to be on the boob 24/7.

I find it all to be useful even if it's just something to file away under 'do not let them babysit'.
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Old 07-02-2012, 12:18 AM   #15
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Re: do you get alot of unwanted advice?

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Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange View Post
also this.

I like hearing what other people think/do/etc.
Gives me things to consider as I make my own choices.

and I know that tons of people have never heard of growth spurts and sleep regressions, etc. Doesn't mean that they wouldn't benefit from hearing about it. Especially the growth spurts. I read a ton before I had a baby and I never really understood that one. I WISH someone had knocked me over the head with information about that one. My midwife didn't even think about it when DD was 3 weeks and I was thinking I wasn't making enough since she wanted to be on the boob 24/7.

I find it all to be useful even if it's just something to file away under 'do not let them babysit'.
im having a hard time letting people watch him. even if its for a few hours people just dont understand cloth diapering and not letting lo cio. also offering bottles like they are going out a style just because he is crying. i know my kid will be alive when i get back but the quality of care is still a bit ify. yay for new parent jitters! its funny because most times its my parents of in laws and it shocks me to see they did this stuff with us when we where wee ones. but we didnt die so i guess they did something right lol
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:54 AM   #16
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Re: do you get alot of unwanted advice?

When my son was a baby I did and I was 28 at the time so not real young or real old for child bearing. Usually I ignored it but with my mother I came down very hard on her. My son was her only grandchild at the time and she kept crossing boundaries, like calling him "my baby" etc....
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Old 07-02-2012, 05:57 AM   #17
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With our first, we got a ton of "advice". We were young (I was 18, dh was 22) so we really trusted that advice whether we agreed with it, especially if it came from my mil. Our second we still got a fair amount of advice. Our third, that's another story! Not sure if I sorta put a preface out there from the beginning that we were going to do things our way, perhaps I just seemed more confident or maybe it was some of my "extreme" ideas (extended bfing, cloth diapers, Babywearing, delaying solids and then making my own baby food). Whatever the reason, no advice with #3!
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Old 07-02-2012, 06:18 AM   #18
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Re: do you get alot of unwanted advice?

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also offering bottles like they are going out a style just because he is crying
Feeding a new baby is the universal response to a crying baby I see it all over kellymom.com-if baby fusses, stick a boob in his mouth! People who aren't mom have to resort to bottles because they don't have the right physical equipment to "stick a boob in his mouth" like mom does, but the response of sticking something with food coming out in his mouth is still the same.
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Old 07-02-2012, 06:24 AM   #19
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Honestly, no. Most people who know me know that I don't do anything without doing a ton of research first, and yea, I'm also a bit of a know-it-all.
I do get a lot of questions because I do a lot of things differently than the people I know IRL, but I think I just don't put out that "help me" vibe.

ETA: we were/are relatively young. I was 23 and 26 when my boys were born.
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Old 07-02-2012, 06:49 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by wordbox
No, I mostly get passive aggressive comments that let me know someone is judging me.

I do my own thing unless I am really struggling and think the person can actually help. But I am firm in my convictions about certain topics, and don't care if other people don't like the way I parent just because it isn't how they do/did things.
Oh yes the passive aggressive judgment is what I get too. Very little outright advice anymore since I stay on top of the research into issues I'm concerned with and refute what they say every single time. Used to do it nicely but not anymore. So they just try to make me feel bad now. Oh well.
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