lying to your kids....

[EmilytheStrange]

it's cost vs. the quality..

she doesn't think the quality is up for the cost.. so even if it's not a monetary issue, it may really be too expensive

[luvthefluff]

I will admit i have told "little lies" to my DD..which every time have bitten me in the butt! I have learned that eventually the truth comes out. similar situation we have a yearly fair that we couldnt afford to go to..i have fully commited to NEVER telling my kids we couldnt afford something or money is tight ect because that excuse was thrown around as i grew up and i worried about money at a way to young of age. SO...back to the fair thing i told my daughter it was cancelled as well. well when we drove by the fair by accident and she asked why the rides were moving i told her they were just testing the broken ones...lie 2...i made sure i didnt drive by there again however when riding with gramma in the car they drove by it again and g-ma asked if she was going to the fair this year...man oh man..so not only did i lie to DD twice! but i failed to let my family in on my little lie to save me from being exposed. so long story short, i cannot say i NEVER say little lies to my kids ex: vitamins are candy ect...but but when it comes to something that i know could potentially be let out of the bag and my children would be very dissapointed i really try to be honest. now since then every year during fair time my daughter reminds me of when i lied to her. and that really makes me feel crappy. mistake i made that i wont make again. one argument i will make tho is that im sure most of the parents who say they NEVER lie to their children still have santa come at xmas and the easter bunny at easter...isnt that a lie? but one we cherish to make every year to see the looks on their faces of pure joy? when i was 12 and learned santa/easter bunny didnt exist i did not resent my parents for "lying" but happy they kept it alive in me for so long

[HeatherlovesCDs]

Originally Posted by luvthefluff I will admit i have told "little lies" to my DD..which every time have bitten me in the butt! I have learned that eventually the truth comes out. similar situation we have a yearly fair that we couldnt afford to go to..i have fully commited to NEVER telling my kids we couldnt afford something or money is tight ect because that excuse was thrown around as i grew up and i worried about money at a way to young of age. SO...back to the fair thing i told my daughter it was cancelled as well. well when we drove by the fair by accident and she asked why the rides were moving i told her they were just testing the broken ones...lie 2...i made sure i didnt drive by there again however when riding with gramma in the car they drove by it again and g-ma asked if she was going to the fair this year...man oh man..so not only did i lie to DD twice! but i failed to let my family in on my little lie to save me from being exposed. so long story short, i cannot say i NEVER say little lies to my kids ex: vitamins are candy ect...but but when it comes to something that i know could potentially be let out of the bag and my children would be very dissapointed i really try to be honest. now since then every year during fair time my daughter reminds me of when i lied to her. and that really makes me feel crappy. mistake i made that i wont make again. one argument i will make tho is that im sure most of the parents who say they NEVER lie to their children still have santa come at xmas and the easter bunny at easter...isnt that a lie? but one we cherish to make every year to see the looks on their faces of pure joy? when i was 12 and learned santa/easter bunny didnt exist i did not resent my parents for "lying" but happy they kept it alive in me for so long

OT - I don't like to tell my kids I can't afford something either. And, having nothing to do with this thread, the biggest reason is because usually it isn't actually true. If we wanted it (within reason), we could get it or do it. But also, I don't want them to think we can't get the things we need or if we do buy them a toy we might not be able to eat. So, rather than saying "We can't afford that." I say something like, "We aren't choosing to spend our money on that." Sometimes I go little deeper like, "We have to spend our money wisely, blah, blah." or "we can't buy/do everything we see. Daddy works hard for our money....blah, blah." But to me, this is teaching my children that 1. we have to think about what we spend money on, 2. they can't get everything they see just because they want it, and 3. there is a difference between wants and needs. Just my thoughts on the "we can't afford it" statement.

ETA - Also, just wanted to say, as a mom who tries not to lie to her children, we don't do Santa, Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. We don't want to lie, however, the biggest reason for that is that I feel Santa and the Easter Bunny take away from what the holidays mean for us. We haven't banned them, but the children know they aren't real. The Tooth Fairy is because I see no reason to lie about it. My kids still get prizes for losing a tooth and they enjoy it.

[jen_batten]

Originally Posted by HeatherlovesCDs OT - I don't like to tell my kids I can't afford something either. And, having nothing to do with this thread, the biggest reason is because usually it isn't actually true. If we wanted it (within reason), we could get it or do it. But also, I don't want them to think we can't get the things we need or if we do buy them a toy we might not be able to eat. So, rather than saying "We can't afford that." I say something like, "We aren't choosing to spend our money on that." Sometimes I go little deeper like, "We have to spend our money wisely, blah, blah." or "we can't buy/do everything we see. Daddy works hard for our money....blah, blah." But to me, this is teaching my children that 1. we have to think about what we spend money on, 2. they can't get everything they see just because they want it, and 3. there is a difference between wants and needs. Just my thoughts on the "we can't afford it" statement. ETA - Also, just wanted to say, as a mom who tries not to lie to her children, we don't do Santa, Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. We don't want to lie, however, the biggest reason for that is that I feel Santa and the Easter Bunny take away from what the holidays mean for us. We haven't banned them, but the children know they aren't real. The Tooth Fairy is because I see no reason to lie about it. My kids still get prizes for losing a tooth and they enjoy it.

I think you've got a smart approach to the money thing. Not like saying, nope, we're too broke, but getting them to think about things.

And to the previous poster who said that some who say they don't lie still do santa...can't speak for others, but we don't. I agree with Heather. I don't want to do them because they are lies, and I really don't see the point in it. Your kids can be happy with the gifts, and you can still see that look of excitement, but without santa you get the credit for it. Not some jolly guy who doesn't exsist and didn't have to fork over cash for the gift. When you take santa out of the equation, your kids are just thankful to you instead of him. And for our family personally, it takes the meaning out of the holiday.

[jamieism]

I don't lie to my kids, but DH does. Sometimes I swear it's some weird family habit. They will ask a question and he will lie, when there is no reason I can see for not just telling the truth.

I sometimes talk about things being expensive or having to make money choices. So then dd2 gets obsessed with getting more money. One day I caught her working on a sign. Her plan? To panhandle in our driveway! She wants to raise money for a bigger house. She has even volunteered to contribute her collection of dimes. But mostly she figures she will just ask passersby to give her money.

She did pick out a picture from the paper of the house she thinks we should buy - one of the great big McMansions. A bargain at 1.5mil. We live in a 2br house, 3 kids (plus cat and dog). A little tighter fit, but a lot more affordable!

Jamie. Anthropologist mama to three baby feminists, married to my best friend.

[jamie714]

Originally Posted by jen_batten I don't lie to my kids. There are several reasons, the first being my faith, which states that we're not supposed to "bear false witness", and I believe that to include white lies as well. I also think it sets the parents up for failure. You may have control over this situation, but what if you pass by the carnival when it's open? What if they talk to other kids that went? You will loose your credibility. In their little minds when they have caught you lying before, they will believe that you will do it again and they will question things when you tell them stuff. I want my kids to believe that we can have an open and honest line of communication. Also, if you lie to your kids...what do you say when they lie to you? It too double standard for me. It's like telling your kids they can't have a candy bar, because it's bad for you, and then sitting right in front of them to eat one. In this situation, I would tell my kids that it is too hot. If we could go swimming or something else fun I would tell them that. Otherwise, I would tell them it's too hot, and maybe next year. We don't have a huge whiney problem around here so that wouldn't be an issue. For the record, we also don't do the Easter bunny or santa or anything. I want my kids to be able to know without a shadow of a doubt that I respect them and I will only tell them the truth, even if it's hard. And I expect the same from them. I don't mean to sound like a big downer and I realize that everyone parents differently. What you tell your kids is up to you, and is no issue of mine. I don't judge other parents on their parenting decisions, that is not my place. This is just personally how I feel for my family.

Did not read all the responses but this is exactly us too. And yes, we do not do Santa or Easter Bunny either.

[bluedaisyma]

Originally Posted by luvthefluff i cannot say i NEVER say little lies to my kids ex: vitamins are candy ect...but but when it comes to something that i know could potentially be let out of the bag and my children would be very dissapointed i really try to be honest. now since then every year during fair time my daughter reminds me of when i lied to her. and that really makes me feel crappy. mistake i made that i wont make again. one argument i will make tho is that im sure most of the parents who say they NEVER lie to their children still have santa come at xmas and the easter bunny at easter...isnt that a lie? but one we cherish to make every year to see the looks on their faces of pure joy? when i was 12 and learned santa/easter bunny didnt exist i did not resent my parents for "lying" but happy they kept it alive in me for so long

you tell your kids that vitamins are candy? Don't you worry that if they found the whole bottle...and chose to eat the "candy"? Just wondering....
And no, I never lie (not on purpose or that I can ever remember) and I don't tell my kids about Santa, or the Easter Bunny, etc...oh, well I tell them about them, like how Winnie the Pooh is a character, Santa is a character that represents Christmas for some people, etc.

[mel j]

No Santa, Easter bunny or tooth fairy here either.

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by jen_batten I think you've got a smart approach to the money thing. Not like saying, nope, we're too broke, but getting them to think about things. And to the previous poster who said that some who say they don't lie still do santa...can't speak for others, but we don't. I agree with Heather. I don't want to do them because they are lies, and I really don't see the point in it. Your kids can be happy with the gifts, and you can still see that look of excitement, but without santa you get the credit for it. Not some jolly guy who doesn't exsist and didn't have to fork over cash for the gift. When you take santa out of the equation, your kids are just thankful to you instead of him. And for our family personally, it takes the meaning out of the holiday.

this is exactly it.

What does it tell kids that they have some fairytale creature that they insist must bring them this or that?

What does it tell kids that their parents wanted to buy them something special to celebrate a season of giving?

Why write a letter to santa? Why not just ask mom and dad?

people don't like character things because kids get SO attached to Mickey or Dora or whatever. Santa is the ultimate 'character'. Kids LOVE him. They cry in happiness, they cry if they can't sit on his lap, they flat out worship him.

I'm sorry, but I want the credit and love and letters and cuddles myself. I am selfish that way

[mel j]

Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange people don't like character things because kids get SO attached to Mickey or Dora or whatever. Santa is the ultimate 'character'. Kids LOVE him. They cry in happiness, they cry if they can't sit on his lap, they flat out worship him.

In some pics I've seen they cry IF they sit on his lap.