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Old 07-06-2012, 06:53 AM   #1
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How Can I Get Over My Mama Fear?

We are moving to North Carolina next month. DH is transferring and we are super excited about the move. But I am also really scared!

I've been researching the area looking for fun things to do and join for my little girls (2 and 1), and found that the parks dept. has a really nice gym with yoga, spinning, etc. They also have a childcare center and it's only $5/child/hour. I would love to do something like this because I never do anything for me and never get out of the house except for PT work, which I will no longer be doing after the move. However, I am totally paralyzed by the idea of letting strangers watch my girls, even for a short time while I am right there.

I really want to get over this. I want this move to be a fun change for the better for us all, and I would love to be able to someday leave the girls with a trusted sitter so DH and I could have a date night weekly. I just can't get over the suspicion that someone will hurt my babies.

I don't have a history of abuse or violence. I grew up in a large, close, loving family and was never victimized by anyone. I did struggle through eight years of infertility, though, so I might be more overprotective than I would be otherwise. I also think maybe my fears of being away from my family for the first time ever are playing into this. They've never been watched by anyone else.

So, how can I work my way into this? I am a Head Start teacher so I know not everyone in the childcare field is a weirdo out to harm kids, because I am one! Lol, a childcare worker, not a weirdo.

I just want to be able to trust someone with my girls so we don't end up strange hermit people now that I'm going to be SAHMing full time again. Please help me out?

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Old 07-06-2012, 07:09 AM   #2
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Re: How Can I Get Over My Mama Fear?

Don't force yourself to do this. That is the worst thing.

I also have HUGE issues with leaving my son with anyone. Family didn't even watch my son for a while and to this day there are people that will never be alone with my son in my family. However in order for me to go back and have another child, I did have to trust someone with my son. I found a drop in center for him and he seems happy there and that helps me.

I say you wait a bit after you move. I know when I moved from Boston to New Jersey, even though we had no children at the time, it took me a bit to settle in. I had issues with DMV and other things that needed to be taken care of. Before I knew it, a couple of months had passed. Seeing that you will not be working, I wouldn't worry too much about activities right off the bat.

and good luck on your move!
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Old 07-06-2012, 07:12 AM   #3
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Re: How Can I Get Over My Mama Fear?

First your girls names are lovely I have a very similar anxiety. I have been a mama for over 10 years I don't have any super great advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Your LOs are still very young and it does get better. I don't even let my childen stay overnight at the grandparents until they are 3yo. Perhaps after you get settled in you might make friends with a neighbor that you could look towards trusting for date night child care exchange? I had a wonderful neighbor that was so helpful when our youngest was born and had a 6 day NICU stay. I refused to leave the hospital or the floor for that matter and she was happy to even take time from work to care for our older children. She moved a year ago this month and we miss her and her boys very much. My best advice is to not rush yourself
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Old 07-06-2012, 08:32 AM   #4
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Re: How Can I Get Over My Mama Fear?

Don't rush! Look into Mommy groups in the area and make some friends that you can feel comfortable with. Then offer to trade kiddo-care occasionally. Just take it slow What part of NC are you moving to? We are in the Triad area and there are a ton of wonderful groups here
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Old 07-06-2012, 09:03 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by 3 ladybugs
Don't force yourself to do this. That is the worst thing.

I also have HUGE issues with leaving my son with anyone. Family didn't even watch my son for a while and to this day there are people that will never be alone with my son in my family. However in order for me to go back and have another child, I did have to trust someone with my son. I found a drop in center for him and he seems happy there and that helps me.

I say you wait a bit after you move. I know when I moved from Boston to New Jersey, even though we had no children at the time, it took me a bit to settle in. I had issues with DMV and other things that needed to be taken care of. Before I knew it, a couple of months had passed. Seeing that you will not be working, I wouldn't worry too much about activities right off the bat.

and good luck on your move!
Thank you! I think you're right about taking it slow. There will definitely be a lot to do when we get there! Starting with a ton of unpacking, ick.
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Old 07-06-2012, 09:12 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by MDever
First your girls names are lovely I have a very similar anxiety. I have been a mama for over 10 years I don't have any super great advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Your LOs are still very young and it does get better. I don't even let my childen stay overnight at the grandparents until they are 3yo. Perhaps after you get settled in you might make friends with a neighbor that you could look towards trusting for date night child care exchange? I had a wonderful neighbor that was so helpful when our youngest was born and had a 6 day NICU stay. I refused to leave the hospital or the floor for that matter and she was happy to even take time from work to care for our older children. She moved a year ago this month and we miss her and her boys very much. My best advice is to not rush yourself
Thank you! We chose Persephone because after eight years of trying, I felt like I was Demeter wandering the world searching through a cold winter and when we finally had her, my search was over and spring came into bloom. We picked Pandora because she was a surprise and a wonder and we hadn't even dared to hope for her.

I'm glad I'm not the only worried Mama. I really generally believe the best about people, but I've worked with a lot of kids with trauma as a teacher and just can't get past my fears. I think I'm gonna take it slow and trust my instincts about people and try to make some friends...a whole other kettle of fish after living in the same tiny town my whole life!
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Old 07-06-2012, 09:18 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by redheadsnotwarheads
Don't rush! Look into Mommy groups in the area and make some friends that you can feel comfortable with. Then offer to trade kiddo-care occasionally. Just take it slow What part of NC are you moving to? We are in the Triad area and there are a ton of wonderful groups here
We are going to be in Sylva. Is that anywhere close? I don't know much about NC geography yet! I will definitely be looking into mommy groups and was thinking we might join Kindermusik. It sounds fun!
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