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Old 07-07-2012, 04:41 PM   #1
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The Stranger talk

Hi!
I'm just wondering when/how you talked to your kids about strangers. I don't want to scare my 3 year old but I worry that she would leave with a stranger if the circumstance arose. Thx!

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Old 07-07-2012, 05:10 PM   #2
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It's an ever going talk with us, I started around 3 with ds1. He likes to talk to strangers and is very polite (asking them how they are, etc.) I don't want him to, stop talking to people but also to be safe. So we discuss that we don't ever go with anyone, why we don't and what to do if someone tries
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:26 PM   #3
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Re: The Stranger talk

We have had several attempted child abductions in our area in the last 6 months. The most recent being 2 days ago and more than one incident at our elementary school. We are in the military and since we have no family around, our kids are with us (and in sight at all times) unless they are in school.

We sat down with our oldest last summer (he was 5 at the time) and explained strangers, staying with the teacher on field trips, staying away from the road at recess and not leaving his classroom (classroom doors open to outside) with any except DH and I. We went over this several times over the summer and reviewed it every so often throughout the year. This was also reinforced by the teachers when kids were approached at the school.

Our 4.5 yr old is starting kindy on July 30th. Yesterday, I asked him what he would do if someone approached him and told him to get in the car. His answer was he would get in the car. So, I explained to him that strangers cannot be trusted and that he should never go with anyone except DH & I. We are going to review this several times over the next 3 weeks. I am definitely more worried about him than my oldest. Luckily, they will have recess at the same time and we have instructed our oldest to keep on eye on his brother and try to include him when he is playing. We only live 2 blocks away from the school, so I will time my walks with DD during their recesses to check on them.

We have also had the talk about how parts of their body are private and that nobody should ever tell them to keep a secret from us. I share your concern in overwhelming them with fears, so I just tell them what they need to know when they need to know it. How early depends on where and with who they spend their time.

We haven't had any stranger talks with DD (3 yrs old) but if she went to daycare, spent days at friends/relative's houses without me, etc we would have talked to her by now. (Not that friends/relatives can't be trusted for the most part, but if the kids are playing outside and they step inside to check on dinner they are vulnerable for those few minutes even if they are with older kids. I never leave my kids alone outside, even for a minute.)
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:43 PM   #4
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Re: The Stranger talk

I would suggest reading the book "Protecting the Gift " by Gavin Debecker. It's a great book. He talks about
NOT telling our kids to "not talk to strangers". Because it gives mixed message. What happens when /if they get lost? you tell them to talk to a policeman? It's not as safe as you may think! He tells us what mistakes people make all the time in telling their kids not to talk to strangers, go to someone in a uniform etc. He says to teach them to find a mother with children if they ever get lost. Teach them to listen to their instincts. Parents talk to strangers ALL the time and in fact urge their children to "say HI" "don't be rude" etc but then send mixed messages by telling them to not talk to strangers. I would really recommend reading this book. It gives lots of advice on what we should really be teaching our children to keep them safe.
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:52 PM   #5
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Re: The Stranger talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by hailey1312 View Post
I would suggest reading the book "Protecting the Gift " by Gavin Debecker. It's a great book. He talks about
NOT telling our kids to "not talk to strangers". Because it gives mixed message. What happens when /if they get lost? you tell them to talk to a policeman? It's not as safe as you may think! He tells us what mistakes people make all the time in telling their kids not to talk to strangers, go to someone in a uniform etc. He says to teach them to find a mother with children if they ever get lost. Teach them to listen to their instincts. Parents talk to strangers ALL the time and in fact urge their children to "say HI" "don't be rude" etc but then send mixed messages by telling them to not talk to strangers. I would really recommend reading this book. It gives lots of advice on what we should really be teaching our children to keep them safe.
I have told my kids that if we ever get separated (at the store, etc) to look for a mommy with kids and ask her for help. This sounds like a good resource for more ideas, thanks!
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Old 07-07-2012, 07:52 PM   #6
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This was so helpful! Great ideas... I never would ha e thought to tell my kid to look for another mother. I'm going to read that book, makes me sick to think anyone could hurt a child. Thanks for all the WONDERFUL suggestions!
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Old 07-07-2012, 08:05 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lolobug
Hi!
I'm just wondering when/how you talked to your kids about strangers. I don't want to scare my 3 year old but I worry that she would leave with a stranger if the circumstance arose. Thx!
I scare the crap
Outta my kids. Lol. Oddly, they are wickedly well behaved. HA!

Seriously, most kids. Like 90percent will talk to a stranger. Dateline does scenarios all the time and the kids almost ALWAYS talk to the stranger. And the puppy line, is a shoe in!

My kids don't talk to strangers, at all. And if they get lost? They are to ask a mommy or worker to help them.
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Old 07-07-2012, 09:06 PM   #8
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Re: The Stranger talk

We just started talking to DD about this, she's 3.5yrs old. She knows 911 gets you help (still working on it though she says 99111). We've told her that if she is with us, talking to a stranger is ok (like at the store or zoo for example). We told her that if she gets lost to find a worker at that place (love the other mommy though, that is a good one). We have been working on not opening the door to strangers. We have a lot of people door to door here and I wouldn't trust all of them. Heck, I don't open the screen door to them when I do answer (most of the tiem I ignore them and don't answer). I had someone stick their foot in the door when I tried to close it once, so I don't open. We talked about not letting anyone in the house. We are still working on it though! I like thta daycare has been reinforcing everything so she has come home with lots of restatements of what she has learned and questions.
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