Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-07-2012, 09:49 PM   #1
Tiffanylamp's Avatar
Tiffanylamp
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 495
My Mood:
Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

I will try to keep this brief

My dd is a happy 5 month old who gets fussy and upset when my inlaws come over. Not a big deal, except today she really wailed, seemed scared and had HUGE tears running down her face. This really upset my mil and even after a long afternoon visit she had warmed up somewhat to them, but I could tell she was still a little unsure. The thing is she doesn't do this with anyone else!

My DH is gone for two weeks for work and she is all smiles and happy to see him. My mom and sister see her about as often as the in laws and she adores both of them. I stopped in to luncheon with old co-workers (about 7 of them) and handed her to them the minute I came in the door and she was all smiles and let them pass her around. I even left for about 15 min. to go chat with others and she was great! I have friends we see once a month or less that she is fine with, but my inlaws was a disaster!

The past few visits with them I can tell she wasn't all that comfortable, but today was really bad and made the entire visit not go very well. I can't figure out why them?

I do know my mil wears strong perfume and my fil smokes cigars so I wonder if it is a smell thing (dd isn't around either of those things any other time). My husbands family can be loud... but she started crying just being within 3 feet of them even with my husband/me holding her.

DH now wants her to see them 1-2 times a week because he feels she just isn't use to them, but she sees other people even less often and doesn't have an issue. they live about 1.5 hours away and because he travels most of this would be on me.

I just can't figure this out? Does anyone have any ideas? She smiles and laughs at strangers why in the world does she seem frightened at her grandparents? And, I want her to know her grandparents and be happy with them (this isn't about me not wanting her to see them), but I am not convinced her sobbing is because she "doesn't remember them". I guess I feel like there is something else that bothers/upsets her about them (maybe the stronger smells/odors?)

If ANYONE has any ideas or theories about this please let me know I do have a very busy life (for being a sahm) especially since my husband travels 3 weeks a month and I am not looking forward to 1.5 hour drives one way 1-2 times a week (and there really isn't a good meet in the middle place). Plus, mil still works. This just has me baffled and I am hoping for a solution that doesn't require such a time commitment!

Thanks in advance!

Advertisement

__________________
Loving wife to my high school sweetheart since 2003, mommy to my baby girl since 1/12
Loving Ebates and the cash back I get shopping online at my fav stores

Happily getting my Groupon on
Sign up and earn SWAG! Already earned over $350 in Amazon GC!
Tiffanylamp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 09:52 PM   #2
qsefthuko's Avatar
qsefthuko
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 16,762
Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

Time and patience.

All the grandchildren loved Papa except my youngest. He cried and wouldn't have anything to do with him. Now at 13 months he is more comfortable with him.

The more often she sees them the more comfortable she will get.
qsefthuko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 10:03 PM   #3
tallanvor
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 13,354
Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

I agree that the more time she spend with them, the more comfortable she'll be. However, I think the smell thing could also be an issue. See if you and DH can find a way to suggest that your LO might be bothered by the smells and see if they can work on it, while y'all work on getting together more often.
tallanvor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 10:04 PM   #4
abunchoflemons
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: usa
Posts: 14,278
My Mood:
Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

I think it might be smells if that is not there with others......with grandparents.
abunchoflemons is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 10:07 PM   #5
doodah's Avatar
doodah
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 9,958
Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

maybe compromise and do one visit a week for like a month and see what improves? do they approach her differently than other people do? too loud? too fast? too grabby? will they be receptive to trying a few things to see what works? perhaps coming in and letting her get comfortable, then you put her down to play and let her get comfortable, then they sit next to her and let that settle, and THEN they pick her up. Babies do get a vibe from people but they can also get overwhelmed by movement, smells, new sights like if they were glasses or something else that is new and scary. Do they come visit at times that are good for her? when she is well fed and well rested
doodah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 10:12 PM   #6
qsefthuko's Avatar
qsefthuko
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 16,762
Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

I would also have the in laws come to your house instead of you to theirs. Baby will be more likely to relax if she is on her own turf.
qsefthuko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 10:15 PM   #7
Greenebean214's Avatar
Greenebean214
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dirty South
Posts: 718
Quote:
Originally Posted by doodah
maybe compromise and do one visit a week for like a month and see what improves? do they approach her differently than other people do? too loud? too fast? too grabby? will they be receptive to trying a few things to see what works? perhaps coming in and letting her get comfortable, then you put her down to play and let her get comfortable, then they sit next to her and let that settle, and THEN they pick her up. Babies do get a vibe from people but they can also get overwhelmed by movement, smells, new sights like if they were glasses or something else that is new and scary. Do they come visit at times that are good for her? when she is well fed and well rested
Agreed. My DD hasn't liked SIL from the beginning. Too loud, too in her face and grabby, it scares her and I don't blame her. At 13 months she will warm up after a day but its touch and go. She only sees SIL a few times a year, but she is fine with other family members she sees less often. I really think babies are sometimes sensitive to certain, how do I say, personalities? Maybe that's a part of it too.

In any case, I wouldn't be forcing the issue on such a young baby. Visit once a month or twice, she will get used to them eventually.
__________________
Loving Life as a Coastie Wife

Welcomed Liberty Grace May 12, 2011!
Greenebean214 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 10:21 PM   #8
emerino's Avatar
emerino
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 807
OP, I could have written your post! My 5mo cries when mil so much as looks at her. It started recently. Its a different cry, too, like she's frightened. Weird. She, too, wears a lot of perfume and she smokes. I wondered if it was the perfume as well. My mom smokes and dd is fine with her. I'm not worried, I know she'll outgrow it. If your inlaws are upset, I would try to reassure them that it's temporary and perhaps suggest that the perfume and/or smoke might be a factor. Now that I think of it, when dd1 was an infant, she seemed uncomfortable with mil, and she was living with us at the time. It very well could be the smells!
__________________
Emerson - happy, far-from-perfect, Christian, not-so-crunchy wife to K(3/05) and momma to M(11/06), S(2/08), and N(1/12)
emerino is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 10:29 PM   #9
lissa~K's Avatar
lissa~K
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,311
My Mood:
Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

Personally I think it sounds cruel to forcibly subject an infant to people who clearly upset her. I'm not suggesting avoiding them, but increased visitation simply to "train" her out of her fear doesn't seem fair to her. It sounds like your DH is hurt because they are his parents, but I say suck it up (sorry!). Any of my children that have disliked relatives have gotten over it with age and I believe that your daughter will as well.
__________________
HSing Mama of five
lissa~K is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 10:33 PM   #10
HeatherlovesCDs
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 10,081
My Mood:
Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

I really don't have any advice, but after reading about the possible smell issue (which I think you could be on to something) I'm wondering if taking her to their house is the best option. I would assume that their smells will be stronger in their house, especially the cigar smell. It is something to consider in deciding to take her there and how often. Could you at least alternate houses? One week you go there, once not twice, and the next week they come to you? Just a thought.
__________________
Heather SAHM to 6 who are 7 and under, including 2 sets of twins and our last little miracle, a surviving identical twin, born Oct 2012!
HeatherlovesCDs is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.