Your thoughts please..... and support

[momtojande]

Originally Posted by Leighleighbuggy Sometimes it is so shocking it is hard to stand up for yourself.

Yup. It's not always easy to know how to react in the moment.

[misskira]

I do believe a church nursery is a great place for kids to learn to be separated from parents. But the nursery workers need to work at making a kid feel cared for and comfortable. Which sometimes means holding the baby the entire time for weeks u fil the baby decides to venture out. In every church I have attended it also means calling for parents when the baby stays upset or reaches a certain point. It never means disciplining a baby for crying for mama or crying for snuggles. Never. I would be livid. I would never leave my child with that woman again. If the church refused to address it I would be finding a new church.

[Sha-nanagins]

Originally Posted by GreenHome Sewing I probably would have done the same things Mama. I would speak to someone about this woman's behavior, honestly, because she may be doing things to other children that would be upsetting to them and their parents as well. Then, I would find a new church.

Absolutely this! 13 month old babies do not play with other babies. They may sit and play with toys near other children, but generally children do not start playing with other kids around their age until they are 2-1/2 to 3 years old.

Appropriate response for a caregiver who is dealing with an upset infant/toddler is to comfort the child, then attempt to distract the child. To ignore and punish a child for being frightened and upset is, in my opinion, abusive.

If I were you, and wished to continue attending this church, I would go back to the old routine of staying with the baby. If you are pressured to leave him, I would refuse, and ask why they seemed so determined to separate me from my child. If they continued, or if you observe this type of abusive behavior toward other children, I would speak to the church leadership. If this is the prevalent attitude, I would, as others have mentioned, search for another congregation.

[bea2269]

Originally Posted by misskira I do believe a church nursery is a great place for kids to learn to be separated from parents. But the nursery workers need to work at making a kid feel cared for and comfortable. Which sometimes means holding the baby the entire time for weeks u fil the baby decides to venture out. In every church I have attended it also means calling for parents when the baby stays upset or reaches a certain point. It never means disciplining a baby for crying for mama or crying for snuggles. Never. I would be livid. I would never leave my child with that woman again. If the church refused to address it I would be finding a new church.

I totally agree! It is so hard in this society sometimes to AP or anything resembling that. We are told from the go not to spoil our babies and teach them to self-soothe. It is awful to second guess our instincts so much. I would definitely speak to the pastor, but I daresay if she was so open with you about it, then it may likely be acceptable discipline to other congregants. KWIM? Hugs!

[dmj]

Originally Posted by GreenHome Sewing I probably would have done the same things Mama. I would speak to someone about this woman's behavior, honestly, because she may be doing things to other children that would be upsetting to them and their parents as well. Then, I would find a new church.

I am so sorry that someone could treat your child, or any child (really a baby) like that. How could anyone just put their hand up in his face and walk away when he just needed to be held and reassured that you would be back?
Some people think that babies are not real humans. I don't feel it is ok to train animals like that either
I would talk to anyone you have to, but I don't think I would leave the church quite yet. See how the people in charge react to you and your complaint first. This woman needs to be stopped! If they don't do anything about her then I would find a new church, or if you feel too upset about the whole thing and don't feel comfortable there anymore then I would leave.
Maybe you should take over the nursery? Show them how AP takes in to consideration the baby/child's needs and feelings. I am so sorry this happened. Don't feel bad, you trusted someone and gave it a try. You caught this person and now they are outed for what they really are

[knodceo]

Definitely find another church! How awful! No one should make you feel this way or treat your child that way. I'd write a letter to the pastor and state that you won't be retuning and why. I'm so sorry you had to experience that!

[dmj]

Originally Posted by misskira I do believe a church nursery is a great place for kids to learn to be separated from parents. But the nursery workers need to work at making a kid feel cared for and comfortable. Which sometimes means holding the baby the entire time for weeks u fil the baby decides to venture out. In every church I have attended it also means calling for parents when the baby stays upset or reaches a certain point. It never means disciplining a baby for crying for mama or crying for snuggles. Never. I would be livid. I would never leave my child with that woman again. If the church refused to address it I would be finding a new church.

Perfectly said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[KingsDaughter76]

Thank you soooo much for all the wonderful support and kind replies!!! It really really helps me to feel better about it all. We are taking measures to notify this church and the leadership of what has happened, but we have decided this church is not for our family anymore. We have only been attending for about 2 months since we just moved here. In that time we have had to discuss "issues" with the childrens pastor twice already. The first issue was the nursery workers were not cleaning their hands after changing diapers (even dirty ones) or after wiping noses etc...no hand sanitizer..nothing! Then they would just go right from changing diapers etc to feeding a child a snack or bottle...GROSS! So we reported that to the leadership and they did address it but I feel now that probably came back to bite me in the rear. After that the lead nursery lady was annoyed acting with me for telling on her. She always acted weird towards me after that. Then the second issue was my 4 yr old dd was in their care for VBS classes and came home one day with a very nasty, broken skin, FULL set of teeth (top and bottom) bite on her arm. No one told us anything when we picked her up and no one administered any first aid to her!! So we contacted the childrens pastor about that issue and they did know about the bite, but forgot to tell us!! Honestly I feel like this church is just like a bad daycare or something...they seem very disorganized and lacking in proper supervision of their childrens workers. My dh and I discussed at length whether to stay or go find another church. We decided that we just need to go somewhere else before one of our kids gets hurt worse or something else happens. We know that once we contact them again about this issue we are going to get pegged as the "troublemaker parents"...and our kids will suffer as a result.

Time to move on...we are planning a visit to a new church next sunday. :-)

As for some of the posted comments/thoughts- We too seriously wonder what else could be going on in the nursery...since the workers seem so annoyed if a parent stays...the lead baby teacher seemed quite pleased with herself in how she treated my "tantrum throwing" son....so I figure she probably raised her own kids this way and treats all crying babies with this hard hand...pretty sad to me! She is in her older 40-50's....so she probably looked at me as some young mother with no experience...she seemed surprised when I told her I have 8 kids I am raising- I am nearly 36 yrs old..but do look a little younger..so I dunno. My son most definitally is not a high needs baby either...far from it...he is actually one of my most laid back kids! He is very quiet, calm and easy to care for...and not prone to throwing fits...like I said in my OP he is just now starting to clench his fists and scream out when frustrated...otherwise he is pretty much always smiling and happy! So that's another reason I was soooo caught off guard by this lady's assessment of my baby- it was SOOOO off on how I know he is all the time...he was crying and bawling because he was SCARED! So her treatment of him was just SOOO wrong and uncalled for. I now think she may have been targeting him because she was upset with us for telling on her before.

My son seems better today than yesterday...he did cry out in his sleep a lot last night, but I just nursed and snuggled him close all night and then he has been snuggling in his pouch with mama all day...so I hope to reassure him that mama is still here and he is gonna be ok....

Thank you again sooooo much for all the support- I love diaperswapper mamas!!!

[TooBusyBearcubs]

Originally Posted by KingsDaughter76 Thank you soooo much for all the wonderful support and kind replies!!! It really really helps me to feel better about it all. We are taking measures to notify this church and the leadership of what has happened, but we have decided this church is not for our family anymore. We have only been attending for about 2 months since we just moved here. In that time we have had to discuss "issues" with the childrens pastor twice already. The first issue was the nursery workers were not cleaning their hands after changing diapers (even dirty ones) or after wiping noses etc...no hand sanitizer..nothing! *snip* Then the second issue was my 4 yr old dd was in their care for VBS classes and came home one day with a very nasty, broken skin, FULL set of teeth (top and bottom) bite on her arm. No one told us anything when we picked her up and no one administered any first aid to her!! So we contacted the childrens pastor about that issue and they did know about the bite, but forgot to tell us!!

SERIOUSLY??? Do they EVER alert the parents to ANYTHING!? Just...wow.

Originally Posted by KingsDaughter76 Honestly I feel like this church is just like a bad daycare or something...they seem very disorganized and lacking in proper supervision of their childrens workers. My dh and I discussed at length whether to stay or go find another church. We decided that we just need to go somewhere else before one of our kids gets hurt worse or something else happens. We know that once we contact them again about this issue we are going to get pegged as the "troublemaker parents"...and our kids will suffer as a result. Time to move on...we are planning a visit to a new church next sunday. :-) *snip* My son seems better today than yesterday...he did cry out in his sleep a lot last night, but I just nursed and snuggled him close all night and then he has been snuggling in his pouch with mama all day...so I hope to reassure him that mama is still here and he is gonna be ok.... Thank you again sooooo much for all the support- I love diaperswapper mamas!!!

Awwww - I wish you lived near me! It sounds like we have a lot in common, and I would totally invite you to church with me! We searched for a LOOOONG time for the right church family. We tried 7 or 8 (maybe 10?) churches before we found our current one. There were some pretty huge issues at some of them.
It sounds like there are some serious underlying problems with their staff and procedures, possibly deeper than that! I think it probably is best to move on, but it is good that you let them know of the issues first, in a loving and prayerful way.

[mibarra]

Sounds like an awful place for your kids. Here daycare workers are required to wear a fresh pair of non-latex gloves for EVERY CHILD when changing diapers. You stuck it out way longer than I would have....