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Old 07-18-2012, 07:41 PM   #41
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Re: Baby is here.


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Old 07-19-2012, 05:01 AM   #42
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Re: Baby is here.

Congrats on the newbie!
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:34 PM   #43
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Re: Baby is here.

Any suggestions for what a relationship with a birth mom who's using should look like? What is best for the kids?

Anyone had a meth baby who was prescribed a sedative? or something else?
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:45 PM   #44
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I have been following your thread. First This sounds so tough. Obviously this woman has MAJOR issues including addiction. Although she did let these children have a family and life she clearly cannot provide she chose not to be honest regarding using which causes these children to suffer What sort of legal obligation for contact do you have from your other child from this birth mom? I would certainly not allow ANY unsupervised contact. If you did choose to visit I would ask for a public place and perhaps a social worker. I assume you must be feeling pretty angry about how dishonest she has been.
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:49 PM   #45
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No suggestions, but you always have to put the baby (well, both girls) first. I know it can be tough to balance.

Unfortunately the intake worker of my meth exposed baby didn't take my concerns about her seriously since her meconium tested negative even though bmom tested positive just a week and a half before her birth. She definitely could have used something, imo, as it was a rough 4-6 weeks. Her stools were finally getting better by 3 months.
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Old 07-20-2012, 01:22 PM   #46
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Old 07-20-2012, 02:56 PM   #47
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I'm sure that would be very hard on your dd to not allow contact with bmom though not to mention if her dds are taking it hard already it won't be easy for them to have no contact with your family. And I'm sure bmom would not be quite so agreeable. Its a hard position to be in. I'm guessing your dh wouldnt be heartbroken if you cut ties?
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Old 07-20-2012, 09:34 PM   #48
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Re: Baby is here.

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Our o/a agreements stipulate no drug use. I don't allow drug users in my kids' lives, period.

I am sorry that you are faced with this situation. I hope baby wasn't exposed to too much ... whatever that is.
And how do you determine that? Do you make her take a drug test? How is that even arranged
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Old 07-20-2012, 09:37 PM   #49
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Re: Baby is here.

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I'm guessing your dh wouldnt be heartbroken if you cut ties?


good guess

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Old 07-20-2012, 09:43 PM   #50
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Re: Baby is here.

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What sort of legal obligation for contact do you have from your other child from this birth mom?
She was adopted through foster care so there is no open adoption agreement. They don't do that here. Although the agency usually does so I think we will be asked about that for this one.

Here's my thing. Last year when i was pregnant with ds, dd2 started talking about "When I was in your tummy Mommy.." and I replied with, "Well, honey, you weren't in my tummy, you were in X's tummy. And then she went to the hospital and you came out and Mommy and Daddy came to get you." And she looked at me for a minute and said, "Oh, yeah." (like, yeah, that's how it was - but she'd never heard that before as it hadn't come up). And I just truly think that if she had no idea who X was, had never met her, that that would have been a much more difficult conversation / idea for her to grasp. But, maybe pictures would suffice?? I just don't know. I have always believed it's better for the kids to know who birthmom is and just grow up like that and it's not a big deal...


eta: but then, what to do when she is still using? what boundaries to set? obviously need to keep my kids safe as number one priority, but isn't it possible to do that and still see her? what is the harm in meeting her at a park a few times a year so the kids can play with their friends (her kids)?

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