Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-11-2012, 10:35 PM   #1
aldermother's Avatar
aldermother
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: In the Sierra Foothills
Posts: 1,787
My Mood:
So how do you handle dessert?

My son has a terrible sweet tooth (gee, I wonder where he got that!) We eat fairly well here, not a lot of processed food, and definitely not a lot of available sweets.
So when my son has asked for sweets (usually he has a stash of candy in the refrigerator from a holiday...this bag of candy could last nearly 6 months...or I occasionally buy ice cream) I have been telling him he can have a piece for dessert, which means he has to eat a given amount of food, or x amount of remaining bites...
My DH thinks this is force-feeding him. "No dessert if you don't eat your dinner!" If he wants the treat, he ends up making himself eat more than he normally would...DH says it's going to give him food issues.
I obviously can't just let him eat the sweet without eating dinner...he'd never eat real food again and say he was done after two bites...
And I am sorry, fruit for dessert doesn't cut it with him (he eats it for his snacks). We've gone down a sinful path he's now accustomed to.

Anyhow, how do you handle "dessert" with your kids? Or just sweets in general?

Advertisement

__________________
We're a CDing (potty-learned), co-sleeping (bunk beds), extended BFing (weaned), baby-wearing (big boy-wearing), non-circing, Waldorf loving, tree-hugging, hand-me-downs-welcome Earth friendly family!
PT preschool teacher& FT Mama to my beautiful tree & our little growing sapling
aldermother is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2012, 10:41 PM   #2
EmilytheStrange's Avatar
EmilytheStrange
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mountain Home, ID
Posts: 7,418
My Mood:
My DD is much younger and I don't think she remembers about dessert yet.

But, I sorta agree with your husband on this. It shouldn't be a 'eat this and you'll be rewarded' type of deal. That devalues the good food and puts huge value on the dessert.

I'm going to my computer now to get a link.

eta: http://itsnotaboutnutrition.squaresp...as-for-pi.html

Here are 10 reasons why you shouldn’t make your kids “earn” dessert:

1) Eating veggies doesn’t somehow inoculate your kid against the sugar in sweets. Eating one should have nothing to do with eating the other.

2) Making your kids eat vegetables to get to the good stuff turns vegetable-eating into a chore. No one likes chores.

3) It teaches kids that vegetables are important but not very likable.

4) It makes sweets even more desirable.

5) Once your kids learn the system you’ll have to serve dessert every night if you want them to eat their veggies. Do you really want to do that?

6) Making kids eat more than they want-- even with the best intentions -- disconnects them from their own hunger/satiation sensations.

7) Teaching kids to stuff themselves BEFORE eating dessert is kind of crazy. We should teach them to save room for dessert instead.

8) Making kids “earn” dessert ramps up the control struggle. Any child dedicated to winning the war will have to refuse even more foods.

9) It teaches your children to reward themselves with sweets, a habit they’ll probably practice throughout their lives.

10) The nutritional payoff from getting your kids to eat a few more bites is too meager. It isn’t worth the cost to their habits.

What can you do instead?
■Don’t link foods. Manage desserts in a way that is reasonable for desserts and if you need to work on vegetable consumption, do it on its own terms.
■If you want to reward your children for eating veggies, go ahead. This can be a successful approach. Just don’t use food as the reward, and have your children work for 2 or 3 days before they are compensated. (Research shows these strategies work best.)
■When it comes to dessert, shoot for the stars. Identify how often you your kids ought to eat dessert when they’re grown and strive for that goal now.
■Decide how big that dessert should be. I recommend you make it larger than a grape but keep it smaller than their head!
■Let your child eat dessert whenever it’s served, no matter how well or how poorly they’ve eaten. (If it’s small, this won’t drive you mad.)


another good one:
http://itsnotaboutnutrition.squaresp...love-thee.html
__________________
SAHM to Magnolia May (09/10) and Luke Russett (04/13) and wife and best friend to my airman.

Last edited by EmilytheStrange; 07-11-2012 at 10:47 PM.
EmilytheStrange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2012, 10:52 PM   #3
aldermother's Avatar
aldermother
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: In the Sierra Foothills
Posts: 1,787
My Mood:
Re: So how do you handle dessert?

This is what I was writing as you were putting in this above link...now I'll go back and read yours...

I realize what you and DH are saying...my son didn't know what candy was until last year probably...and he was four. Once he discovered it, it opened a flood gate. He wakes up asking for candy. I feel like the candy nazi, and I make sure as much of it disappears as possible. But I don't want him to not have any, because I also think that will give him issues. Moderation is my view, I just don't know how to incorporate it. Would you suggest just as an afternoon treat, apart from other meals?
__________________
We're a CDing (potty-learned), co-sleeping (bunk beds), extended BFing (weaned), baby-wearing (big boy-wearing), non-circing, Waldorf loving, tree-hugging, hand-me-downs-welcome Earth friendly family!
PT preschool teacher& FT Mama to my beautiful tree & our little growing sapling
aldermother is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2012, 10:58 PM   #4
aldermother's Avatar
aldermother
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: In the Sierra Foothills
Posts: 1,787
My Mood:
Re: So how do you handle dessert?

■Let your child eat dessert whenever it’s served, no matter how well or how poorly they’ve eaten. (If it’s small, this won’t drive you mad.)

This is good, this makes sense. And this is really what we have been doing...one or two pieces of candy, or a small scoop of ice cream. I need to get over the "how poorly he's eaten" part though. He's a horrible dinner eater...which is an issue that goes beyond dessert.
__________________
We're a CDing (potty-learned), co-sleeping (bunk beds), extended BFing (weaned), baby-wearing (big boy-wearing), non-circing, Waldorf loving, tree-hugging, hand-me-downs-welcome Earth friendly family!
PT preschool teacher& FT Mama to my beautiful tree & our little growing sapling
aldermother is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2012, 11:27 PM   #5
luvsviola's Avatar
luvsviola
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 17,103
My Mood:
Re: So how do you handle dessert?

You have to eat your food to get dessert here too. DS is in feeding therapy, and they definitely bribe him in therapy! He's had about 8 different therapists, and they all do it that way, so I know it is just part of most feeding therapy.

It is behavior modification. You are using a reinforcement to get a desired behavior (eating the healthy food).
__________________
Kristen
Middle school teacher by day, super mom by night
Mommy to The Boss~2007, The Energizer Bunny~2009, and The Princess~2011
My kids are no longer in diapers, but somehow, my computer keeps finding its way back here...
luvsviola is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2012, 12:03 AM   #6
emerino's Avatar
emerino
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 807
We do the same thing and I have no qualms with it. DD will eat anything, but DS is picky and I was the exact same way, so I know a lot of it is mental. A lot of times, he just chooses not to have the treat. I don't do it so he'll eat his veggies, I do it so that he will work through his mental pickiness and learn how to enjoy food. I don't make him eat food that makes him gag.

I don't consider "bribing" with treats as force-feeding at all. It's still the child's choice. And when he's being really stubborn, like, that chicken has a black speck so I can't eat it, I make him eat some regardless of if he wants the treat or not. My kids talk about what foods are healthy or not and they get excited about eating healthy foods.
__________________
Emerson - happy, far-from-perfect, Christian, not-so-crunchy wife to K(3/05) and momma to M(11/06), S(2/08), and N(1/12)
emerino is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2012, 12:04 AM   #7
mrosehughes's Avatar
mrosehughes
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Arvada, CO (near Boulder/Denver)
Posts: 1,776
My sister has instituted a 'no thank you bite' for every type of food she serves at dinner with her oldest (now 7), and I plan to do this with DS as well. They have to take one bite of each thing (particularly if its something they've never had before, or not in a while -- foods they repeatedly have said they don't like are excluded), then they're free to finish eating. We always offer a snack before bed as well, that sometimes includes 'dessert'. This at least addresses the issue of them eating nothing healthy; my nephew often says he isn't hungry then eats half his plate with 'no thank you' bites

I would probably just try to keep the sugary treats unavailable except for a few days per week, and then just make them a surprise dessert.
__________________
working mom to Owen 10/29/2009 and wife to Brad.
My ISO/IHA http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/...2#post10991862
mrosehughes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2012, 04:48 AM   #8
jbug_4's Avatar
jbug_4
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Chase, MI
Posts: 6,716
My Mood:
Re: So how do you handle dessert?

If we have something dd really wants we do more of a cumulative day rather than based on one meal. So she has to eat the majority of her food the whole day to get the dessert. In general she eats well so we don't have to say- if you don't eat, you don't get dessert. The only time we really do is when she only take a few bites and tries to leave the table. Last night she had spaghetti- her favorite- and she tried to leave the table to play after 3 bites. We just told her if she needed to eat if she wanted a cookie (one of our local stores just started selling allergy safe chocolate chips- we've been making a lot of cookies lately). the choice is completely hers. I remind her and then when I clean the table i ask her if she is sure. Sometimes she does pass and sometimes she comes back to the table and eats a little more. She doesn't have to clean her plate and she doesn't have to eat a certain food first- you know like "you have to eat your broccoli first". She does have to eat some of it but if she wants to eat all her rice and only one bite of meat- ok. We're pretty lucky my kids like good food. They are much more likely to eat their veggie before their meat or carb.

DS doesn't get desserts yet- he doesn't really like cake or cookies and I don't give him candy yet. For him his dessert is blueberries- so I have no issue with him eating blueberries before finishing his dinner. A lot of times we have fruit with meals and I do keep the fruit off his plate until he has eaten some food first, just so he eats something other then fruit.
__________________
SAHM to LR 7/26/07 and IHM 10/6/10, wife to a self proclaimed genius, ex-navy guy. Going places and doing things that I always dreamed of, but never imagined I would.

Last edited by jbug_4; 07-12-2012 at 04:51 AM.
jbug_4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2012, 04:53 AM   #9
bcarroll9494's Avatar
bcarroll9494
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 3,094
Re: So how do you handle dessert?

My kids are not picky eaters and usually eat everything and seconds.... which in itself is a problem with NEVER feeling full!
We only offer dessert if there has been good behavior during dinner (and the day).
__________________
Hi, I'm Becky, the "B.C." behind..... B.C. Fleecy Diapers

Unique hand-dyed diapers and more.
bcarroll9494 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2012, 05:45 AM   #10
luvsviola's Avatar
luvsviola
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 17,103
My Mood:
Re: So how do you handle dessert?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrosehughes View Post
My sister has instituted a 'no thank you bite' for every type of food she serves at dinner with her oldest (now 7), and I plan to do this with DS as well.
We do that too, but we call it your "Courtesy Bite" because it is good manners to try everything (courteous to your host that you try all of his or her food).


Dessert here is generally fruit. We do peaches or applesauce a couple times a week.
__________________
Kristen
Middle school teacher by day, super mom by night
Mommy to The Boss~2007, The Energizer Bunny~2009, and The Princess~2011
My kids are no longer in diapers, but somehow, my computer keeps finding its way back here...
luvsviola is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.