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Old 07-12-2012, 09:05 AM   #1
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I should know this but I'm having mommy amnesia. I need some advice on how to deal with dd's new development of 'fits'. She is 11 months this Sunday.

She is generally a laid back baby and fairly independent. Yesterday I noticed that she has started throwing little fits when she is unhappy with something. This could be sitting down with a book instead of the blocks, switching sides while nursing, removing her from an outlet plug she's found, sitting her down in the bathtub when she's standing. All normal everyday things. I also suspect that she is just frustrated that she isn't free to do whoever she wants. She is fairly good at communication, understands far more than can say but she does have some 'words'.

When she starts a fit she may cry dramatically, or twist and arch her back if she's in my lap or arms. I will put her down if she does this because she becomes hard to hold on to but this just escalates her. I feel like being removed from the area (and whatever the frustration is) and being offered a distraction is enough at this age. Dh thinks she should be set down and 'ignored' for a moment while the fit is going on, that she is just learning she can do this and how we react will decide if it continues. We're both on the right track I think but we need to stick with one plan to be consistent. We've not dealt with this so young before.

We also have three other kids, one who is special needs (asd) so separating isn't always possible. Its also entirely likely that she is learning it from our ds2 who throws frequent tantrums and fits. I would love advice or ideas to gently deal with this behavior. I know she's young so lack of communication is likely the root but I don't want to encourage the fits.

Thank you!!

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Old 07-12-2012, 09:56 AM   #2
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Re: Fits under a year old?

DS started throwing some dramatic fits at about 10 months. IMO, at that age it is mostly frustration because they don't have the physical or communication skills to do what they want. I never ignored his tantrums, that just seemed to make them worse, but I didn't get all worked and coddle him either, KWIM. I'd calmly ask him "do you want Mama to help you do that?" and then help him do whatever he was trying to do, or give him a quick snuggle, or distract and redirect him. I think that was the age when we really got serious about teaching him some signs, too, which also seemed to help tons. He mellowed out again as his communication got better, he's almost 2.5 now and still a pretty chill kid. Good luck!
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Old 07-12-2012, 10:45 AM   #3
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Re: Fits under a year old?

Yeah they started at around ten months here too. By then he was a good crawler and very awere of what was going on a round him. It was then that i started saying "No" to him. He started noticing stuff like me spraying off diapers and wanted to "Help", by which I mean play in the poopy spray.
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Old 07-12-2012, 11:07 AM   #4
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My 7 month old throws some awesome fits! Especially when putting her in the highchair. She goes nuts.

For us its a good opportunity to teach no. We also ignore the behaviors. If its time to get in the chair, she goes in. The fit lasts all of a few seconds when we dont give it any attention.

Totally normal. They realize they have some independence and love to show it off.
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Old 07-12-2012, 11:22 AM   #5
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Re: Fits under a year old?

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Originally Posted by ktmelody View Post
My 7 month old throws some awesome fits! Especially when putting her in the highchair. She goes nuts.

For us its a good opportunity to teach no. We also ignore the behaviors. If its time to get in the chair, she goes in. The fit lasts all of a few seconds when we dont give it any attention.

Totally normal. They realize they have some independence and love to show it off.
I'm so glad to see this! DD throws fits and I kept thinking she was too young. She probably started at about 6 months. Especially if we are trying to do naptime or bedtime. It makes me angry (and we all know how helpful that is) so I say no, put her in her crib and walk out for a minute or two... often she stops yelling as soon as she goes in the crib and will just play or fall asleep. If she continues yelling, I get her and rock or cuddle until she falls asleep or throws another fit.

Crying isn't annoying, but the screaming arching her back and trying to throw herself out of my arms is.
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Old 07-12-2012, 01:08 PM   #6
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Re: Fits under a year old?

hehe, DD started at 6months. She'd throw herself backwards and kick and arch her back... so cute and annoying she has no other siblings to learn it from..

I think I used to tell her 'no no no' or ignore her or something, I can't remember. It worked for awhile. Now she's 21months and thinks it's fun to throw herself on the floor again. And now she's old enough for real consequences.
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Old 07-12-2012, 01:20 PM   #7
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Im glad to know others deal with early fits. She did start walking independently two weeks ago so maybe she's flaunting her new self confidence.

Is it better to ignore and walk away or is it better to redirect at this age? Is it okay for us to each deal with how we see fit in the moment or do we need to be consistent now?
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Old 07-12-2012, 01:29 PM   #8
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I react differently depending on what the fit is about. If its cause big brother has a toy she wants I acknowledge her feelings and then redirect. If its cause I said no or am doing something she doesn't like I tend to ignore. If its cause she can't do something (put a shape in her shape sorter) I ask her if she needs help and verbally help her with a little hand over hand as needed. (more hand over hand at her age less at YDS's age- she's 1 on the 28th and he is 2 and a half )
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Old 07-12-2012, 03:13 PM   #9
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Re: Fits under a year old?

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Originally Posted by m0mof6 View Post
I react differently depending on what the fit is about. If its cause big brother has a toy she wants I acknowledge her feelings and then redirect. If its cause I said no or am doing something she doesn't like I tend to ignore. If its cause she can't do something (put a shape in her shape sorter) I ask her if she needs help and verbally help her with a little hand over hand as needed. (more hand over hand at her age less at YDS's age- she's 1 on the 28th and he is 2 and a half )
This.

There are 2 types of tantrums. First define, then act. And yes, consistency even under a year is very important.

First type of fit: frustration - not getting a shape in the sorter, wanting something you can't reach, etc. This type of fit should be comforted and redirected.

Second type of fit: manipulation - you told me no and I don't like that and I'm going to make you pay!!!! This type should either be ignored or 'disciplined' depending on the age of the child/rules of your household/etc.

atleast, that's how I see it.

DD is like her mom. When the shape doesn't slide easily into the shape sorter, she throws it, knocks all the blocks over, etc. She doesn't get disciplined for this. I know what she's feeling. We just redirect or tell her to 'try again' or whatever.

But not wanting to get out of the street/go upstairs/get teeth brushed/diaper changed/etc. All of those things are non-negotiable and fits and tantrums are not allowed. They are generally swiftly dealt with or blatantly ignored by me leaving the room, looking away, etc.
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Old 07-12-2012, 03:26 PM   #10
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Re: Fits under a year old?

Okay, help me out, please! DD throws a fit every time she gets her diaper changed, unless she happens to be hungry, then she will hold her bottle. Sometimes I give her a wipe and she plays with it. Other than holding her down, or strapping her down to the changing pad (which is upstairs) how can I try to avoid the fits? I usually just hold her still and try to change her quickly.
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