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Old 07-13-2012, 10:49 AM   #21
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Re: delete

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They will not have phones with internet access or computers in their rooms, so I think it would be hard to be on facebook in secret. They would have to be on at the library or a friends house. I am sure that both of those scenarios (allow FB &head in sand) are true, but I don't think they are the only possibilities.

Besides, I am not going to go against what I think is appropriate because all the other kids are doing it and mine will probably want to/try to also. I don't parent based on what is easy to enforce.
Could very easily do it at a friend's house, then tell said friend what to post. Could very easily do it from a friend's phone on the bus. Could very easily do it in the library at school (its easy to get around school blocks, and kids know exactly how to do it). Even the strictest parents will find that kids WILL find a way.

What I am suggesting is that you and he sit down, and create an account that you both have the password for, and you show him how to set privacy rules, what is appropriate to post on there, and what to do if girls post inappropriate things to his page.

Our junior high has Facebook pages for each academic team, each sport, and many of the elective classes like band and orchestra. It is assumed that kids have Facebook access because test reminders, homework assignments, and other class information is posted there for students and parents to see. The school also has a Twitter account, and the principal sends out Tweets regularly.

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Old 07-13-2012, 11:01 AM   #22
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The school also has a Twitter account, and the principal sends out Tweets regularly.
That makes me giggle, it just seems so odd to me. Best stop before I really show my age.
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Old 07-13-2012, 11:03 AM   #23
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I'd say desperate if it was boys doing the calling as well. But from being a girl who was not boy crazy the boy-crazy girls always came off to me as doing anything to get a "bf" or attention. fwiw I wasn't even on the phone with my friends at 11pm much less a boy.
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Old 07-13-2012, 11:06 AM   #24
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Re: girls obsessed with my ds

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I did not see anyone bashing, in fact I saw phrases like "a touch bit in denial" which to me shows an effort to spare your feelings.

You received actual real advice - set boundaries and limit access to social media. That is were you have power, you cannot control the girls involved but you can control their access to your son.

I am not judging you as a parent, I just shared how we plan to handle this with our children (no facebook.) We did not arbitrarily make this decision, we feel there are far more negatives than positives when it comes to kids and social media/texting, etc.
I don't see any bashing either. Not everyone is going to agree with you. It doesn't mean they are bashing you. I read through all the posts, and IMO, no one was rude at all.
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Old 07-13-2012, 11:14 AM   #25
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I think it's normal for girls of this age to be more forward- they are socially more mature than boys (at least usually ime). The only thing you can do is be very clear with your son about what is appropriate and keep an eye on the situations that develop.

And delete never works- in fact I read this thread simply because it said delete.
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Old 07-13-2012, 11:16 AM   #26
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Re: delete

I was not aware that sharing our own experiences (since we were 11 yo girls at one time) and ideas on how to curb the behavior from a parenting standpoint qualified as bashing. Several of us have children at or close to that age so it's not like we're a bunch of judgemental newbies with babies in diapers who can't see a decade down the road yet.

And surely you've been around here long enough to know that posting "delete" in the subject line is akin to putting the thread title in neon flashing lights.

ETA: I said this in a previous post:

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And for heaven's sake teach him to never be in a room with a girl with a closed door! For everyone's peace of mind.
I apologize if you took this as my being rude as it was not my intention for it to come across that way. So often we teach our daughters this concept (as well as good touch/bad touch) and just forget to tell our sons. It seems so common sense for our girls, but not so much for boys.

ETAA: I went back and reread. You mentioned that the girl involved with neck sucking was "that kind of girl." Do you perhaps have some guilt about letting him play with her and this is causing such a strong reaction?
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Old 07-13-2012, 11:39 AM   #27
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I am remembering back to when *I* was a girl and thinking that I did the exact same type stuff (but I only had access to a landline phone back in the stone age) except it was with girls, because I preferred to be persued by the boys. My mother had to set boundaries with me then as well. I can't tell you how many times she picked up another extension in the house at 9pm to tell me that it was time for me to get off the phone.

She also went through my paper folded notes on occasion. If I had had a phone or email, she'd have gone through that instead, but back in the stone age, we had to use pencils.

Soooo, I'd lay down some basic framework rules concerning the use of electronics. I'd pick a cut off time and have them all turned in to me at that time. He can communicate those rules with his friends the same way I had to tell my friends, "I can't talk on the phone after 9, so don't call or expect me to call you." I'd disable the networking functions on the ipod, because he has other outlets for those. I'm really not sure I understand why they are enabled in the first place. It seems to me that limiting the access will help a lot. He still has to learn to tell them he doesn't feel (and can't) the need to talk to them 24/7 or that he doesn't like them in that way, but he at least has some consistent breaks and boundaries.

And for heaven's sake teach him to never be in a room with a girl with a closed door! For everyone's peace of mind.

I have a feeling that this little guy is very approachable and non-threatening to girls and that is why he is getting all this attention. I remember being drawn to those kinds of boys when I was that age.
Truly excellent advice!

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i have to say this is exactly the reason why i never post on DS except about diapers! some of you mamas are so rude it makes my blood boil! i dont understand why ppl feel the need to say whatever they want - ppl come on here for support, not to be bashed. and that is why so many ppl like me refrain from really participating in this community and what it has to offer. they dont want to be treated that way. you want to defend ppl who are judging these girls i wrote about, yet you are completely judging me!

i didnt come here to get beat up, i came here for support. if you dont want to do that, then please do not post in my thread. its just rude.

that being said, as far as playing vampires and having girls call him over and over - that is not my sons doing. i know the girl who wanted to play and i know my son. he would never ask a girl to suck his neck (at least who he is now). this girl would. she is just that kind of girl. she gets to do whatever she wants - that is clear. she did it with another neighborhood boy who is even more innocent than my son. and yes i said the word innocent. he's 11! he has no experience with girls in this way. this is the first time he's had conversations with texting, etc with girls. he isnt allowed to go over to these girls houses anymore. and it is the girls - he talks to boys from his old school and his neighborhood friend - completely different. no calling obsessively ever. no asking "do you like me, are you mad at me?" etc. and like i said, i have been monitoring his texts and FB. he rarely even goes on FB and I only originally got him an account to play a game. Its ridiculous to berate me for letting him have a FB account when that is not even the problem.

im sorry, im just so mad i couldnt fully read through all the posts, and im not sure i will continue to read this thread. this is the third time i wrote about a problem i had that i wanted actual real advice on that i got bashed. im tired of it.
Are we even reading the same thread? No one has bashed you even a little. As far as FB goes SOMEONE had to lie about his age in order to be on FB right? It doean't seem like a good precedent to allow your 11 year old to break the rules just because. The rules are there to protect children from getting into situations where they are over their heads. (like the situation you have now)

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I don't see any bashing either. Not everyone is going to agree with you. It doesn't mean they are bashing you. I read through all the posts, and IMO, no one was rude at all.


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And surely you've been around here long enough to know that posting "delete" in the subject line is akin to putting the thread title in neon flashing lights.
Seriously.
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Old 07-13-2012, 11:41 AM   #28
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You realize changing the title to delete will warrant 10x the traffic, it won't get deleted, right? Just saying.

I would talk to the 11pm caller's parents. I used to sneak the phone at that age, landline but none the less, and I would want to know if my child was doing that. She should be in bed! Lol.

I would also do the time cut off, and have your DS inform all friends of it. Teaching him appropriate and courteous ways to deflect such things will make it easier than you having to do it.

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Old 07-13-2012, 12:06 PM   #29
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Re: delete

Another delete thread and im here like a magnet! Not very juicy though. Op i am sure it feels like you are being ganged up on and bashed but i dont think anyone means you any harm. If that were true the thread would be a lot juicier!

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OP, could be you have raised him to be sensitive and respectful of girls, which in my opinion is what mothers of boys should be doing. They probably find it easier to approach him. I have three little guys of my own and I often hear DH telling them girls and women are the most beautiful and soft creatures and we should be sensitive and respectful towards them. I also remember being boy crazy at 11. Maybe the transition from child to preteen? My DS1 can be playing rough and being wild with other little boys but when it comes to girls he automatically tones it down a bit. Back in preschool his best friends were two little girls. Just have a little talk about giving his info out and how kids at this stage can be.
Just my opinion, and i think this goes along with jamies post, but shouldt everyones kids be taught to be respectful and sensitive to boys as well as girls? I also reject the notion that women are soft and beautiful creatures any more than boys. A quick look at my dry dishwater hands compared to my dhs keyboarding IT hands will tell you that. Its incredibly sexist and doing men and women a ahuge disservice to teach them that boys are ____ and girls are ____ . Its just that theres no right way to raise a boy. Most boys are raised whether purposefully or more subconsciously to be rough and tough then they grow up and it is desireable to their mates that they are sensitive and respectful. But not TOO sensitive and respectful or they must be gay. Kwim? Boys get screwed either way.
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Old 07-13-2012, 12:25 PM   #30
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Re: delete

I haven't read this thread at all, OP, but if you don't want to be bashed, you should take "delete" out of the title ASAP. That will draw people in like flies to honey. That's why I'm here
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