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Old 06-05-2013, 07:04 PM   #1
NewMommy6111
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Planning a UC

I don't need any comments about how it's not safe, thanks! I'm getting these comments from DH so if you don't have any positive experiences to share, please DON'T share.


So I'm not a mom of many yet, but I think this is where most UC moms tend to be,so I'm posting here.

I am pregnant with my second, due December 27th. I planned for a natural birth in a birth center with DS, but was transferred to a hospital, where I got pit and an epidural. This left me with a total sense of failure, but I do still trust my body's innate ability to bring a child into the world without "help."

There are few assisted homebirth options in NC right now. There is one CNM local, but I know far too much about how she practices because I was her assistant's babysitter and heard lots of stories from the assistant. I would never be comfortable with how medically minded she is anyway. Practicing as a CPM is currently illegal, but people are doing it under the radar anyway. I was only able to get contact info for one, who is an hour away from me. When I interviewed her she mentioned applying traction to the umbilical cord, which I am completely uncomfortable with.

I believe that I can birth this baby unassisted, safely and happily. I have been trying to convince my DH,but he told me he will never be on board. Planning to birth while he sleeps or is at work. I'm sad that he can't support me, but I know what this baby needs.

I have been looking at unassisted childbirth.com and joined the forums there. I also emailed Laura Shanley and plan to speak with her on the phone once my questions and thoughts are more together. I'm just looking for encouragement and advice from mamas who have done this, especially those of you who have had unsupportive family. Thanks!

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Old 06-06-2013, 04:20 AM   #2
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Re: Planning a UC

Didn't Laura Shanley have one of her babies die from a UC?

I know what it's like to feel like a failure. My homebirth ended in a severe shoulder dystocia and while my son suffered injury, he is alive, but I still felt so inadequate as a mother because I couldn't even get him out without almost killing him. Then I realized something... because of sin, our world is fallen. While most things work out well and there is a beautiful grand design; there is also trauma and disaster. To discount either of those things (how perfect it can all work and also how imperfect it can work) is a disservice to everyone. I trusted I could give birth perfectly without every thinking that sometimes nature has other plans. It's not a failure thing, it's a REALITY thing.

I'm not going to tell you how unsafe it is. I am going to tell you, I think it's very irresponsible of you and is also very disrespectful to your husband to ignore his concern. As well as sneaky to try to do it behind his back and undermining his role as a parent of this child will not sit well with him. If it were my husband he would be incredibly hurt. And I would have to pray it was something he didn't resent me for. Even with our first birth, he felt so vulnerable and useless and still to this day doesn't talk about it. To put him in the position of him being the first one there if you needed help and him not knowing what to do, is cruel.
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Old 06-06-2013, 04:22 AM   #3
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Re: Planning a UC

And, yes, there are UC'ers on this board, but this board is also filled with a lot of women who believe in the husband leading the family and being respectful of his choices too... thus me answering. Sorry to sound harsh, but I wanted you to have a head's up from his perspective.
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Old 06-06-2013, 04:48 AM   #4
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Re: Planning a UC

Why were you transferred with your first baby?
Babies don't work on a schedule. What will you do if your DH isn't asleep or at work when you go into labor?
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Old 06-06-2013, 05:22 AM   #5
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Won't it cause some serious discord in your marriage to birth your child behind your husbands back and in a way that is against his wishes? I can't imagine that that is the healthiest environment to bring a brand new baby into. I hope that your husband and you can come to some kind of compromise on this.
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:56 AM   #6
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Re: Planning a UC

Quote:
Originally Posted by raisingcropsandbabies View Post
Didn't Laura Shanley have one of her babies die from a UC?
Here is a link to Laura Shanley's son, Nicholas', birth story:
http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/...-broken-heart/

"We called the paramedics but they were unable to revive him. Efforts by the doctors in the emergency room were also unsuccessful. Our little one was gone.

An autopsy was done, and several days later, the coroner explained to me that our babyís body had never developed properly. He had a congenital heart defect, influenza, pneumonia, and sepsis. The coroner also said that the defect was severe enough that he didnít feel Nicholas would have survived regardless of where he had been born."

Nicholas died from a combination of factors that had nothing to do with where he was born.
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:03 AM   #7
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Re: Planning a UC

Quote:
Originally Posted by z2akids View Post
Why were you transferred with your first baby?
Babies don't work on a schedule. What will you do if your DH isn't asleep or at work when you go into labor?
Transferred b/c of failure to progress. I took castor oil and DS's head was asyncilic (sp?), basically not putting all of the pressure of his head on the cervix during a contraction. After 40ish hours of labor I hadn't dilated any more than when they first checked. The first time they checked at the hospital I was at a 9. I napped after getting the epidural. Then pushed for 20 minutes and he was out. We left the hospital the next morning. There were no complications. I feel that I had such a hard time b/c I took the castor oil instead of waiting for DS to come when he was ready.

If it's Sunday and he's home then I will still have the baby, obviously. Just "wait too long" to go in or call a midwife.
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:30 AM   #8
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Re: Planning a UC

What a terrible think to do to your DH. I cannot imagine ignoring his reasonable worries that callously that you would go behind is back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewMommy6111 View Post
Here is a link to Laura Shanley's son, Nicholas', birth story:
http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/...-broken-heart/

"We called the paramedics but they were unable to revive him. Efforts by the doctors in the emergency room were also unsuccessful. Our little one was gone.

An autopsy was done, and several days later, the coroner explained to me that our baby’s body had never developed properly. He had a congenital heart defect, influenza, pneumonia, and sepsis. The coroner also said that the defect was severe enough that he didn’t feel Nicholas would have survived regardless of where he had been born."

Nicholas died from a combination of factors that had nothing to do with where he was born.
Unfortunately for Nicholas, no one will ever know for sure. Pneumomia, influenza and sepsis are treatable in the hospital as are many heart defects. Nocholas may mot have made it in the hospital, but he would habe had a chance.

Do you really think that this advocate of UC would ever admit that there was a possibility that her choice made it certain her son did not survive?
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Old 06-06-2013, 12:24 PM   #9
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Re: Planning a UC

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Old 06-06-2013, 12:25 PM   #10
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Re: Planning a UC

Well, in the link you gave she states that he nursed and slept for SEVERAL hours prior to his death... could a well trained eye from a hospital's pediatrician or a trained listening ear of a nurse/midwife/doctor through a stethoscope have heard the defect or abnormality or perhaps the hourly observations/checks by the nurses for the first 12 hours or so, caught him before it was too late? They'll never know.

In any case, I'm not here to debate the safety aspect of UC, as you don't even want to think about the reality of emergency situations (it does make one wonder how you will then "know what to do" if one should arise). I'm talking about the effects it will have on your unsuspecting and poor spouse.

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