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Old 07-18-2012, 02:05 AM   #21
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I'm sure 99% of people reading this thread don't think you are trying to get the ladies of diaperswappers to help you with this decision. It's very clear to me you do NOT want to do it and just need help and support in convincing your husband. Also, not everyone has the belief that it's a family decision. I don't. I think it should be the boy's decision when he's capable of making that decision. Wanting to protect him and keep that decision for him when he's older is admirable. Some people just think circ gets talked about too much here and like to pop into threads to remind people that it's a topic best left off diaperswappers. But vent away mama. It can be hard. I eventually just had to put my foot down with my child's father. At first he was angry, then he accepted it, then a few years later he THANKED me for standing up to him. Guys who are circed have a hard time stepping back and seeing circ for what it really is. Take your time and don't push him too hard. In the end you can simply refuse consent. Yes, it will probably cause a rift at the time, but when your husband sees how wonderfully perfect your son is, he will probably either forget all about it, or realize he was being silly. Some people will try to convince you that you did the wrong thing by shutting your DH out of the decision, but don't look at it like that. You aren't shutting him out, you are just opening up a door for your son.

Oh and the approach I've had the most success with is explaining I have no preference sexually, I just feel strongly that a man should be allowed to choose for himself. My current S/O was offended by my anti-circ stance at first but when I explained that for me it is PURELY about a man's right to choose, he settled down and said, "ok, we'll that makes sense". And we never spoke another word about it. He knows my older child is not circ'ed and I would never circ any children we may have in the future. He may think his penis is god's gift to women LOL but he can at least see the reasoning of "just leave it up to him!" Let your DH know how much you LOVE his penis and I'm sure he will be more open to discussing leaving your son intact.

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Old 07-18-2012, 06:06 AM   #22
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

In our marriage, if we don't both agree to do something, we don't do it at all until we both agree. It has worked for us for almost any topic that has come up for the last 13 years. When the circ conversation came up, I was expecting a fight, but my DH simply said if we don't both agree to it, nothing gets done. After that, he also added that being a corpman, medic and EMT with 20 years in the military, that he had seen too many men messed up from their circs and he didn't want to take the chance of that happening to our boys. Good luck!

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Old 07-18-2012, 06:52 AM   #23
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaunam View Post
I'm sure 99% of people reading this thread don't think you are trying to get the ladies of diaperswappers to help you with this decision. It's very clear to me you do NOT want to do it and just need help and support in convincing your husband. Also, not everyone has the belief that it's a family decision. I don't. I think it should be the boy's decision when he's capable of making that decision. Wanting to protect him and keep that decision for him when he's older is admirable. Some people just think circ gets talked about too much here and like to pop into threads to remind people that it's a topic best left off diaperswappers. But vent away mama. It can be hard. I eventually just had to put my foot down with my child's father. At first he was angry, then he accepted it, then a few years later he THANKED me for standing up to him. Guys who are circed have a hard time stepping back and seeing circ for what it really is. Take your time and don't push him too hard. In the end you can simply refuse consent. Yes, it will probably cause a rift at the time, but when your husband sees how wonderfully perfect your son is, he will probably either forget all about it, or realize he was being silly. Some people will try to convince you that you did the wrong thing by shutting your DH out of the decision, but don't look at it like that. You aren't shutting him out, you are just opening up a door for your son.

Oh and the approach I've had the most success with is explaining I have no preference sexually, I just feel strongly that a man should be allowed to choose for himself. My current S/O was offended by my anti-circ stance at first but when I explained that for me it is PURELY about a man's right to choose, he settled down and said, "ok, we'll that makes sense". And we never spoke another word about it. He knows my older child is not circ'ed and I would never circ any children we may have in the future. He may think his penis is god's gift to women LOL but he can at least see the reasoning of "just leave it up to him!" Let your DH know how much you LOVE his penis and I'm sure he will be more open to discussing leaving your son intact.
Excellent post!

I think I'd have called that Dr. out as a liar on the spot.
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Old 07-18-2012, 07:34 AM   #24
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

((Hugs)) Mama! I agree w/ the Penn and Teller video. I am due in Oct, on team green and researching all of this now. DH is pro-circ at the moment, but not die hard about it. I would tell your DH that the AAP does not recommend it.

So sorry you have to go through this! The crazy thing is, you can research and find reasons for and against (I mean you can find articles that say completely conflicting things)... that's what I'm finding. But he really has to watch the Penn and Teller video.
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Old 07-18-2012, 07:40 AM   #25
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

Make him watch " an elephant. I in the hospital"
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Old 07-18-2012, 08:35 AM   #26
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I dunno, maybe tell him you aren't anti circ, you just wont do it to a newborn. When he's older he can have it done if he wants to.

At any rate, the decision is yours alone, although it would be nice if DH was on board. If it were me, I would not circ no matter how much we fought over it.

Good for you for having your head on straight
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Old 07-18-2012, 08:37 AM   #27
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Have you been to the Guggie Daly blog? She has lots of compelling anti circ arguments.
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Old 07-18-2012, 09:01 AM   #28
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

I agree, if you could convince him to allow your son to make such decision in the future I think it would be fair; after all it is his life and body. If we had a boy with the current pregnancy that would've been our decision. I know few of my friends that circ'd in adult life. Whatever the reason, I do feel it should be left up to your son.

Why cut off or do something when our natural body was made the way it was.

All I remember when I was hospitalized around 9 for my asthma was hearing the blood curling scream of a baby boy where I later found out he was being circumcised. Made my stomach turn thinking about it. Poor boy was crying for hours I remember.
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Old 07-18-2012, 09:11 AM   #29
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

I have three boys all intact. DH is intact but secretly wishes they would've circ'ed him. He left it up to me as well. At the hospital they explained how they would do it. I just couldn't go through it after learning they would be strapping him down with his little arms sticking out and then taking a knife to his tiny penis. =( Hopefully you can come to a decision you both agree on mama. Whatever is best for your little one in your situation. Hugs to you.
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Old 07-18-2012, 09:36 AM   #30
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

You know, that's a good point. I had never considered that a circed man might take it personally as a comment on his own penis when his wife doesn't want his son circed. Like "well, what's so wrong with my penis that you don't want our sons like this?" so making it clear about it being a man choice/right is a good idea.

I do feel for the mamas that have to go through this. I know my dh well, and I think this would have been a problem for us too if he wasn't intact himself. Dh said he wasn't done because fil says he remembers when his was done and it was traumatic. Not sure how that works since I assume it was done at birth. but whatever. I've never talked to him to clarify.

I also agree with having him watch the penn and teller video.

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