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Old 07-18-2012, 09:43 AM   #31
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

I think in a way I'm being hypocritical. (justly hypocritical? hah) but I can debate this issue all day long, debunk his "facts" or what he's heard, and I will to a point, but my reasons are simply that mine they're the ones that are important to me.

Which I guess in a way is the same my husband is- he debates without knowledge, doesn't care if I can prove him wrong, but at the end of the day he just wants "normal" and I know him well enough that it's all it really comes down too. I asked him last night, "so, if 100% without a doubt all the things that you hear as reasons to circ was reasons not too (not just disproven) you would still want him circ'ed? "yes"

But we did seem to come to an agreement last night that we won't do it at the hospital when he's born. We will wait. I said IF I agree I want someone who isn't pro or anti, (or regardless what they are- present things in a non biased way) also my doctor said he uses the mogen technique, and when he said it he nearly whispered it, and said it fast like he knew this could be a huge deciding factor. The research I've done says this method is only used 10-20% of circs. They don't even make the mogen "clamp?" anymore because they said there was no way to insure it's done correctly. Lawsuits from the head being cut completely off, and really. IT JUST LOOKS like a weird torture device/treatment to me. There was nothing "humane" (as if any methods are) about it.

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Old 07-18-2012, 09:53 AM   #32
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

If he wants normal, I would stick with the majority are not getting circed and the rate is falling stance, as well as leaving the choice up to him for when he's older and leave everything else out then.

"normal" for dh is circed since that was what was done when he was born. Most were.
"normal" for your son will be intact since that is what is being done now. Most aren't.

Last edited by misskira; 07-18-2012 at 09:54 AM.
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Old 07-18-2012, 10:48 AM   #33
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

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If he wants normal, I would stick with the majority are not getting circed and the rate is falling stance, as well as leaving the choice up to him for when he's older and leave everything else out then.

"normal" for dh is circed since that was what was done when he was born. Most were.
"normal" for your son will be intact since that is what is being done now. Most aren't.
Right, intact is becoming the new normal. I don't buy into the whole locker room argument because it is used so much by the pro-circ people, that we should do this just because everyone else is.

I was the one that wanted to have my first son done 9 years ago but my circumcised husband said no. He doesn't hate his penis or have any noticeable problems from his circ but he saw no point in taking our home birthed baby to the hospital to have a piece of his skin cut off. I was resentful for a few days then forgot about it until the baby was born. It took a few days to get used to what a normal penis really looks like because my mom had ingrained in me that intact penises were ugly and gross. Now I have 2 boys and I couldn't imagine having either of them circumcised, I never even think about my older son's penis or what it looks like and when I change my baby I never think about it either. People obsess way too much about what their kids private parts look like, having it done so it looks like Daddy's is just plain ol' silly when I look back on it. Chances are if your husband agreed to leave your son intact he would get over it pretty quickly because he's not going to be thinking about it after the baby is born. My husband does make "penis envy" comments every once and awhile, if the baby is running around with no diaper on he might mention that the foreskin makes it look longer but I just tell him the boys must take after the men in my family instead of him.
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Old 07-18-2012, 10:54 AM   #34
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

Just tell him no. I personally wouldn't give in to something that is permanent and not needed except in rare cases.
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Old 07-18-2012, 11:07 AM   #35
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

"Normal" is the way he is born. Having a foreskin is not a birth defect, being born WITHOUT one is.
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Old 07-18-2012, 11:11 AM   #36
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

My DH wanted to have our son circ'd (but was more leaning toward "yes" not totally convinced) - I didn't want to have him circ'd. After our son was born 10 weeks early and spent 6 weeks in the hospital with tubes up his nose and constantly getting poked and prodded - there was no way either of us was going to subject that sweet little baby to more pain. In retrospect, I am somewhat relieved that we agreed in the end and it didn't come to a battle of wills. My DH doesn't think anything of the fact that DS isn't circ'd now - it is a non-issue.

I don't have any advice for you, but I wish you the best! I hope everything turns out great for your son either way.
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Old 07-18-2012, 11:17 AM   #37
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

Our compromise is...

No circ at birth. If child wants it later on, we will do it and pay for it.
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Old 07-18-2012, 11:36 AM   #38
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

One compromise to consider perhaps would be to find a trained moyel to do the procedure (and not do it immediately after birth). A friend of mine was able to do that because she wasn't really comfy with it but her hubby was determined. Our first 3 boys were circumcised and the first one had a minor complication. We were just doing the other boys because we'd done the first one (silly reason, I know) but when number 4 was born, our doctor came and told us he refused to do it on our son because he was so small he was afraid he would cut too much off and cause damage. Said if we wanted it done, to see a specialist. We took that as a sign to just stop. But I understand this is often an emotionally charged debate. I hope you guys are able to figure it out together.
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Old 07-18-2012, 11:45 AM   #39
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

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Originally Posted by champatlife View Post
I researched it with my last pregnancy a lot (team green, but born a girl. We never came to an agreement) i told him this time and last time if he doesnt research it he gets no say.

He refuses to watch a video of it (ive watched one of each method), I told him IF (big if) I ever consented to it he had to be with the baby while its done, and he's agreed. We watched a video of a glove with a pacifier inside and I thought it was bad enough, but his closing comment at the end, "see that looks normal" what? Really????!!! Normal to who? If "every" baby boy is born intact, how can it not be normal.

By the way the doc told my husband "the pain is irrelevent. It's the memory that makes for a painful experience. He won't remember so the pain is no different than if you let the baby cry for 5 mins because he's hungry"

Eta. Although I enjoy others experiences and views, I'm not going to base our choice off it. I just need a place to vent where someone would be "on my side" because I don't have that right now from anywhere.
Talk to people who are Jewish with a bris if you have access to anyone (though non-Jews do it too as I had several friends do it that way). If you've gone to one, most (obviously there can be problems), they really aren't any big deal if done properly (I am not trying to minimize what it is) but baby usually cries a few minutes and its fine. I don't know if I did it again if I'd do a bris or doctor. I'd probably choose a doctor but one with lots of experience if we could do it on the base but even non-jewish friends have done it the jewish way an been very happy how it was done so I might do it with who they used. Knowing the hospital my son was born at, but it wasn't our choice, I would not have done it there (well, his birthparents technically did it but they asked us) and done it elsewhere. I have no regrets doing it, but I would have done that and a lot of things differently (but so would his birthparents) but that was more birth/hospital issues than this which was just a part of it. So, separate out the issue of if you want it done with where. First decide, if, then if yes, where/how.

On a pain factor, I don't think my son had much pain. Now, I do think he had huge pain with his skull fracture even though they told me he wouldn't (how could you not).
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Old 07-18-2012, 11:52 AM   #40
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Re: I know this has been discussed a million times.

I think that if you DO decide to do it, your son deserves full, adequate pain relief and a urologist is the best bet for having it turn out well, since they deal with penises and circumcisions all the time. No offense to mohels, but the lack of pain relief (EMLA cream is utter crap) should be a dealbreaker.
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