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Old 07-25-2012, 07:11 AM   #11
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Re: just a vent - I'm never going to sleep again!

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I hate to hear other mamas have been through/felt like this, but it's kind of nice to know my baby isn't abnormal .

We've tried having DH pull nighttime duty, but DS3 literally screamed for almost two hours, even with DH holding him, rocking him, giving him water, etc. I had nursed him right before, so I knew he wasn't hungry... but after two hours of him screaming (making me unable to sleep anyway), I gave in and went and got him. He does that every time DH tries to get him at night. But we're definitely going to give it another try... DH graduates this summer, and his last day of class is this Friday, so he'll be able to help more. We have to get this under control, because DH is moving to Nashville August 13 for work, and will only be home on the weekends .

We don't have any family that come help me. Or, I should say we don't have any family willing to come help. We have DH's sister, but she works FT and isn't very helpful, and we have my mom... who's usually too high to be of any real help :/.

I hadn't heard of Dr. Jay Gordon's method before the other day, but it looks really interesting... and it seems gentle on baby. I'm definitely going to try it!

Thanks for the advice and commiseration, mamas! DS3 ended up waking up six times last night, and then DS1 and DS2 got up for the day at 6am. I feel so guilty... I know I shouldn't be drinking caffeine during pregnancy, but I've had so much Dr. Pepper this time around, just for the energy boost!
I had the same thing happen with DD2 and DH. She would push away from him and say Mama over and over. So DH helping wasn't really an option, plus he works in construction so I really didn't want him going to work exhausted using power tools and climbing on roofs,etc...

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Old 07-25-2012, 07:14 AM   #12
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I am sorry mama. Night wean. Completely. I literally had to, with ds#1. I was medically exhausted twice. When we had to make a serious a change. Turns out, that was it.

With DS#2, we just followed the same pattern. And it actually worked very very well, for our entire family.

Everyone's body needs consecutive hours of sleep, and reacts differently. A mom who goes years waking 6x a night could be still running marathons, while another, only waking twice could be close to hospitalization. It's a case by case thing. I can do it for awhile but long term, and I'm too weak to even eat. And am a danger to even drive. Not something I like, but it's true. I've gone to many sleep seminars. And am also a location educator. Soooooo, if you decide to night wean. Know that it's something that does not make you a bad mom. It's not a need anymore. It's habit. Habits aren't fun to break. But consistency and patience go a long way wrapped in love
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Old 07-25-2012, 07:19 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnimalHouse
I hate to hear other mamas have been through/felt like this, but it's kind of nice to know my baby isn't abnormal .

We've tried having DH pull nighttime duty, but DS3 literally screamed for almost two hours, even with DH holding him, rocking him, giving him water, etc. I had nursed him right before, so I knew he wasn't hungry... but after two hours of him screaming (making me unable to sleep anyway), I gave in and went and got him. He does that every time DH tries to get him at night. But we're definitely going to give it another try... DH graduates this summer, and his last day of class is this Friday, so he'll be able to help more. We have to get this under control, because DH is moving to Nashville August 13 for work, and will only be home on the weekends .

We don't have any family that come help me. Or, I should say we don't have any family willing to come help. We have DH's sister, but she works FT and isn't very helpful, and we have my mom... who's usually too high to be of any real help :/.

I hadn't heard of Dr. Jay Gordon's method before the other day, but it looks really interesting... and it seems gentle on baby. I'm definitely going to try it!

Thanks for the advice and commiseration, mamas! DS3 ended up waking up six times last night, and then DS1 and DS2 got up for the day at 6am. I feel so guilty... I know I shouldn't be drinking caffeine during pregnancy, but I've had so much Dr. Pepper this time around, just for the energy boost!
Crying IS part of the process. And now that you went in, you showed him that two hours is just the right time to scream for. Unfortunately you do you have to commit. The following night (usually the third) they stop screaming like that. There is no need really. Daddy is there. Holding, singing rocking.

Trust your hubby. Know tears aren't gomna hurt anyone and buy ear plugs. It was hard at first but my DH told me ' if you come in here, I am done. I can do this. You know I can. So please respect that' do I did. My DH was so loving. it took 1 night of crying in his arms. 1 night of whimpering for maybe 30 minutes. Then the following nights,,????!!? My kids would lay down on dh's shoulder and sleep, in 5 minutes. He became the baby whisperer. Lol!! Give the strength to your hubby, have a plan, And follow it. The first night is always the hardest for any family night weaning.
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Old 07-25-2012, 07:26 AM   #14
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My DD2 did that until 14 months. We night weaned by having DH rock her to sleep when she woke. My friends baby with food allergies never slept more than 2-3 hours until they were dealt with, either. Good luck!
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Old 07-25-2012, 07:37 AM   #15
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Re: just a vent - I'm never going to sleep again!

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Crying IS part of the process. And now that you went in, you showed him that two hours is just the right time to scream for. Unfortunately you do you have to commit. The following night (usually the third) they stop screaming like that. There is no need really. Daddy is there. Holding, singing rocking.

Trust your hubby. Know tears aren't gomna hurt anyone and buy ear plugs. It was hard at first but my DH told me ' if you come in here, I am done. I can do this. You know I can. So please respect that' do I did. My DH was so loving. it took 1 night of crying in his arms. 1 night of whimpering for maybe 30 minutes. Then the following nights,,????!!? My kids would lay down on dh's shoulder and sleep, in 5 minutes. He became the baby whisperer. Lol!! Give the strength to your hubby, have a plan, And follow it. The first night is always the hardest for any family night weaning.
ITA! We did this with DS2 at about 10mo and while it probably took closer to a week for us, he went from 5-6 night wakings a night to 1-2 in about a week and then within a few more weeks, none. It was rough on DH and I can honestly say, he didn't look forward to it after the first night, but it was over quickly and then everyone was able to rest well.
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Old 07-25-2012, 08:29 AM   #16
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ITA! We did this with DS2 at about 10mo and while it probably took closer to a week for us, he went from 5-6 night wakings a night to 1-2 in about a week and then within a few more weeks, none. It was rough on DH and I can honestly say, he didn't look forward to it after the first night, but it was over quickly and then everyone was able to rest well.
Yes. My DH is special forces and needs rest too. But I see it no different than me, exhausted driving my kids everywhere. Bathing then, ect. Being exhausted can be worse than being drunk.

It's a process. And there is no point in going 2-3 hours and then taking over. We all know our babies learn fast, how long it takes mom to respond. So, if you show that it's two hours, every night, you'll get two hours of screaming. To be really honest, my boys grew very attached to daddy after night weaning. It was amazing. They already trusted and loved him. But it was a different development in their relationship. They stopped just seeking me at night. If something was wrong? They would respond to either of us. Where, before, it was mommy only. At first, it was kinda sad. But then I realized how awesome it was. My DH was happy too. Showing that daddy can hold onto a screaming baby for just as long as we can, doesn't go unnoticed to baby
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Old 07-25-2012, 09:04 AM   #17
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Re: just a vent - I'm never going to sleep again!

I totally trust DH, and he's wonderful with the kids... I know I shouldn't have gone in there, but the sound of him screaming for hours was driving me insane. I literally cannot stand the sound of a baby crying/screaming . I also felt bad for DH, because he had to get up early the next morning for a very hard class... but he only has one week of classes left before graduation, so he'll be able to help a lot more after that. I'm definitely going to invest in some ear plugs next time we try it though . DH has just over a week between the end of classes, and him moving to Nashville, so hopefully we can get this situation under better control in that time!
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Old 07-25-2012, 09:08 AM   #18
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Right there with you (minus pregnancy!) my lo turns one on the 27th and still nurses the entire night. She will not sleep if she is not latched on. I haven't tried getting her to slow down, just wanted to empathise!
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Old 07-25-2012, 09:09 AM   #19
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Re: just a vent - I'm never going to sleep again!

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Right there with you (minus pregnancy!) my lo turns one on the 27th and still nurses the entire night. She will not sleep if she is not latched on. I haven't tried getting her to slow down, just wanted to empathise!
and happy (almost) birthday to your little one!
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Old 07-25-2012, 09:21 AM   #20
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DS was like this. Around 12 months it actually started to get worse. We coslept with him. We were about to be moving into our new home in less than a month and DH wanted DS sleeping in his own room within a month after us moving in. I was exhausted and anytime DH tried to comfort DS, he would just scream, cry and hit more. I was starting to get so exhausted and frustrated with DS that I would lose my temper very easily with him during the day and took my frustrations out on DH. So I knew something needed to change. I never wanted to let my child cry I out and so desperately wanted him to naturally wean himself and transition him slowly to his own bed, but it seemed like there was no end in sight. DS has a temper and is very strong willed.

The month prior to moving into our new home, I started putting DS in his own bed after he woke to eat and would nurse him in our rocker vs our bed. This worked for awhile but he still was waking up a lot or he would want to nurse for an hour and not want me to put him down, or he would let me put him down and then wake up 30min later.
The week prior to moving I reached my breaking point and we decided to let him CIO. I honestly thought he would cry for hours. However, the first time he woke up around 10:30 he cried for 30 min and then fell back asleep. He woke up a few more times that first night and never cried longer than 30min. It was very hard because I felt like I was making him feel like we didn't care and I didn't want him to think I was abandoning him, not to mention his bed was still in our room (only had a one bedroom rental) so we had to lay there and listen to him scream. It took about a week and he started waking less and less each night. I think the longest he ever cried was 45min. Once we moved in our new home we put him in his own room the first night. He did wake up sometimes that first week and I did go to comfort him, only because I was worried he was scared of his new environment. Well I think this made him revert back a little because he started waking more and pointing to his rocker to eat. Well then I decided after a week he should be fine and stopped going to him. He now sleeps for 10-11 hours a night and I am finally not feeling depressed or resentful towards our nights. I feel I have become a better mother towards him during the day because I am no longer resenting how he is at night.

It was very hard and I still struggle with whether or not I should go to him if he wakes at night (it's only been a month and a half since we started this process).

I agree with pp, if your DH is willing and able to help let him and dont cave (I did and it wasnt good because it made DH resentful towards me). Even if he isn't, your little one will be okay and will figure it out. With you being pregnant you need your sleep for your health and the health of that baby growing in you. Lots of stress during pregnancy can be harmful to your fetus. You need your sanity, and you being rested will give you more patience for your other children. Not to mention a lot of stress during your pregnancy can affect postpartum depression.

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