Would you go $2500 in debt to attend a wedding?

[OurAllenBaby]

I would leave the kids and DH at home and go alone.

[mjg2043]

I would find a way for you to go at least.

[redheadinlove]

I am getting married in February and my grandparents who I love very much are not in a financially great place. They live in New York and I live in Texas. I DO NOT EXPECT THEM TO COME. They are invited, but it is NOT reasonable for me to expect them to come. Hopefully your cousin comes around, but if she doesn't, just know you aren't doing anything wrong.

[Computermama]

Nope. I'd send a smallish gift and my regrets. I might have gone into debt to go see my sister get married (she got married in Jamaica), but that's my sister, my only sibling. Even then, she told me not to. Turned out my parents paid for us to go instead, so it was a non-issue.

I invited several people who were out of province to my wedding. I did NOT expect them to come and would not have guilted them about it. Oddly, most of the ones out of province did come, but it was a strange turn of events for each of them - one group just decided to come because it sounded like a great party and they had the disposable cash. One family chose to come because all their family is here and they hadn't been back in 2.5 years so they combined trips around my wedding. One couple lost their jobs out west and decided to move home, and it happened that they moved home just before the wedding, so they could come. It was amazing that it worked out that way, but I went as far as to forbid the one family to buy me a gift because they had come so far, I knew money was an issue, and the surprise that they could make it was more than gift enough. I'm sorry your cousin doesn't understand your position.

[mari.b]

I wouldn't go. I am sure that right now your cousin is all kinds of crazy stressed and thinking that her wedding should be the biggest thing in people's lives right now, but I am sure she will understand after it is all done. If not, then perhaps it is a good thing that you do not go into debt to attend the wedding.

Also, my youngest is 3 months younger than yours and I would not leave him for a weekend. Send a nice (that you can afford) gift and a wonderful heartfelt card. I would not go into such debt for a wedding.

[Agla]

No, I wouldn't and I would expect my cousin to understand.

[BSWmama]

I'd calculate the cost of you going alone - airfare, bumming a ride from someone from the airport, hotel for one night, not going out to eat or driving alone even and also the cost of the whole family driving, staying one night somewhere really cheap, again bringing as much food along as you can. I would think both those scenarios would be less than $1000? I'm not sure how long the drive is, though - if it is less than 12 hours or so, I'd just drive alone, attend wedding, stay in cheap hotel to sleep, drive home. That might be a couple hundred dollars in gas and lodging? Spend little to nothing on the gift, just a really nice card.

But if you can't afford it, don't sweat it too much - I don't think it will ruin anyone's relationship in the long term. People do get wrapped up in their weddings. I remember going to my cousin's wedding a few months before my own wedding. It was not how I wanted to spend my money at that time (young, poor, living in NYC meant airfare for two, hotel, rental car, etc was a lot of money to me at that time) and it was on a long weekend, which annoys the hell out of me when people put their weddings on long weekends as that is not how I always would want to spend my vacation time, either. I was kind of told by my mom that showing up for major family events is just what you do (and generally I agree with this), and I did end up having a great time seeing extended family. But, yeah, I was pretty annoyed when she didn't bother coming to mine.

[SenoraE]

No. you will not be able to spend significant time with your cousin then anyway. I would instead invite her (and new hubby) to come visit you after she is married! I would send a very nice gift or $ instead.

[Swimmingly]

I have missed several of my cousins weddings. We live in NY, they live in the midwest. We could have afforded it without putting it on a cc. It came down to either we go back for the wedding, or we go on a family vacation that year. We chose to do our own thing. No one faulted us for it.

Now, if it were my sibling, my BFF, or someone else that I was really close to, we would have made it work. I wouldn't miss it if that was the case. But, my cousins, who I see *maybe* once a year and don't talk to in between? Nope. Not gonna happen.

[Wanderlust]

If I weren't close to this cousin, I'd send regrets and send a nice gift.

If it were a family member I'm really close to, I'd try to go by myself