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Old 08-13-2012, 05:52 PM   #21
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Our girls are 15, 7 and 18 mo. Going from 2 to 3 was really hard and now that we are due with #4 I'm quite confident it will be a breeze. Having that many littles close together reminds me of reading the Duggars first book. Michelle wet through exactly what most of you did. She also had some great tips.

I had hypermesis with all my pregnancies and was OMG thankful for the spacing. I spent 6 weeks in bed 23 hours a day with my last pregnancy while my husband was away(military). I couldn't have done it with out our teen practically raising her sister for me during that time.

Just remember it gets better.... Eventually.

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Old 08-13-2012, 10:40 PM   #22
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Re: I WANT a big family, but...

I have 3 and am scared to add a 4th though i would like more kids. Im exhausted, frustrated, and emotionally drained all the time. My 1st (4.5) and my baby (18 months) are a breeze, but the middle kid is a HANDFUL. She is a hard kid to deal with, and while i love her, i dont want another as intense as she is. It scares the crap out of me....what if baby number 4 is just as hard to handle (or harder) than kara? She goes non stop, still doesnt sleep through the night, is very obstinate, and very opinionated. She never backs down, just digs her heels in further, lol. Her behavior has me seriously reconsidering more kids.

Of course she is an angel in public and people look at me like im an idiot who cant hand an easy child when i complain. I swear she is two different ppl....at home kara and public kara.

Lately she has started peeing on the floor randomly (she has been pt for well over a year) when she is upset. Usually i dont acknowledge it...just hand her a rag to clean it up with. The other day she did it 4 times, and when i asked her why she said "because it makes you angry." There doesnt seem to be anything that triggers these episodes (she doesnt get in trouble or not get her way or anything immediately before peeing on the floor), its seems like she just really wants to see how angry she can make me. I try not to respond but im only human. If i do gt angry i always tell her that i love her no matter what, but i dont like what she just did.

Sorry to ramble....but having another like her terrifies me!
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Old 08-14-2012, 04:27 PM   #23
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Re: I WANT a big family, but...

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Originally Posted by BNC View Post
I have 3 and am scared to add a 4th though i would like more kids. Im exhausted, frustrated, and emotionally drained all the time. My 1st (4.5) and my baby (18 months) are a breeze, but the middle kid is a HANDFUL. She is a hard kid to deal with, and while i love her, i dont want another as intense as she is. It scares the crap out of me....what if baby number 4 is just as hard to handle (or harder) than kara? She goes non stop, still doesnt sleep through the night, is very obstinate, and very opinionated. She never backs down, just digs her heels in further, lol. Her behavior has me seriously reconsidering more kids.

Of course she is an angel in public and people look at me like im an idiot who cant hand an easy child when i complain. I swear she is two different ppl....at home kara and public kara.

Lately she has started peeing on the floor randomly (she has been pt for well over a year) when she is upset. Usually i dont acknowledge it...just hand her a rag to clean it up with. The other day she did it 4 times, and when i asked her why she said "because it makes you angry." There doesnt seem to be anything that triggers these episodes (she doesnt get in trouble or not get her way or anything immediately before peeing on the floor), its seems like she just really wants to see how angry she can make me. I try not to respond but im only human. If i do gt angry i always tell her that i love her no matter what, but i dont like what she just did.

Sorry to ramble....but having another like her terrifies me!
Sounds EXACTLY like my middle daughter. We just went thru three weeks of potty regression hell.....exactly as you described (and she has been fully trained for months now so it was very controlled on her part).

My husband said if we had her first, we would not have had any more kids. Intense is the perfect word to describe this type of child. Like you said, they are charming and lovable....in public.
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Old 08-14-2012, 04:37 PM   #24
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Re: I WANT a big family, but...

It is interesting to read stories from different moms. 2 to 3 was a breeze in this household. I forget all the time that we even have a third child, LOL. we will have the fourth (and last) in Nov. and I am sure the transition will be fine.

But I do agree wholeheartedly with the poster that reminded moms to see the reality of a large family, the Hallmark type scenes of everyone getting along and everything being peaceful is about 5% of what life is actually like. The reality is that mom is always on duty and it is a lot of hard work and sacrifice for both parents. I love having a houseful of kids (and I have even more with my daycare kids!) but it takes a toll on me....both physically and mentally. Its important to consider that before you have so many kids that you are overwhelmed.
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Old 08-14-2012, 05:28 PM   #25
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Re: I WANT a big family, but...

Just had #4. Our spacing is about 3 yrs between each kid and the kids are very good friends. I think wider childspacing is really helpful for full recovery between births. In any case, it's what works for us, but I get that some mamas just want to be done with the childbearing part sooner. It's all about doing it how you can handle it the best.

We used to want 10 kids, but at this point, we are just taking it 1 kid at a time. We may be done. BUT we use NFP for a reason- 100% changeable at any moment! No irreversible decisions! Plus, you never know how you'll feel in 5 years. It's ok to be 'done' for now and have a change of heart later!

Honestly, it is our oldest who is our intense child. After him... I think I can handle almost anything!!! My last pregnancy, though, was hell. I was sick sick sick and very depressed for months. I wanted to just die to get some relief. When you are going through that... it is eternal. You feel guilty for neglecting the kids you already have. You can't force any energy into your body and the qwhole family seems to suffer for it.

But it passes. We hs and have a very relaxed approach. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book "The Relaxed Homeschool" by Mary Hood, as well as her book "How to set up Learning Centers in your Home". Mary Hood's homeschooling approach makes hs with a large family less intimidating. She is NOT about 'doing school' at home, but about learning in the context of family life.

Good luck, mama, with your decisions!
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Old 08-14-2012, 05:57 PM   #26
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Re: I WANT a big family, but...

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Just had #4. Our spacing is about 3 yrs between each kid and the kids are very good friends. I think wider childspacing is really helpful for full recovery between births. In any case, it's what works for us, but I get that some mamas just want to be done with the childbearing part sooner. It's all about doing it how you can handle it the best.

We used to want 10 kids, but at this point, we are just taking it 1 kid at a time. We may be done. BUT we use NFP for a reason- 100% changeable at any moment! No irreversible decisions! Plus, you never know how you'll feel in 5 years. It's ok to be 'done' for now and have a change of heart later!

Honestly, it is our oldest who is our intense child. After him... I think I can handle almost anything!!! My last pregnancy, though, was hell. I was sick sick sick and very depressed for months. I wanted to just die to get some relief. When you are going through that... it is eternal. You feel guilty for neglecting the kids you already have. You can't force any energy into your body and the qwhole family seems to suffer for it.

But it passes. We hs and have a very relaxed approach. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book "The Relaxed Homeschool" by Mary Hood, as well as her book "How to set up Learning Centers in your Home". Mary Hood's homeschooling approach makes hs with a large family less intimidating. She is NOT about 'doing school' at home, but about learning in the context of family life.

Good luck, mama, with your decisions!
Thanks for the book recommends. We do a version of NFP, but not the full on Catholic style. I agree, it's so nice to have options.
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Old 08-21-2012, 04:11 PM   #27
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Re: I WANT a big family, but...

Good luck. I think I understand how you feel. I want many kids but have felt so horrible this entire pregnancy that I don't know how I could even handle being pregnant and already having kids.
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Old 08-21-2012, 08:47 PM   #28
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Re: I WANT a big family, but...

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Good luck. I think I understand how you feel. I want many kids but have felt so horrible this entire pregnancy that I don't know how I could even handle being pregnant and already having kids.
It's always ridiculous to think about being pregnant on purpose when you're in the midst of it (for some of us anyway!). Then baby comes, you get through the ups and downs of postpartum, baby grows.... and you want another! At least each pregnancy is a little different. Being preggo with my girl was easier than with the boys. I had more positive side effects of the hormones. I'm hoping for DD2 in the next pregnancy!
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Old 08-27-2012, 08:01 PM   #29
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Re: I WANT a big family, but...

I would like to have more, too. but our lives are so crazy right now. I have 4 - 8, 5 and 18 month twins. my husband works full time and goes to school 4 nights a week. he's gone from 5:30 am to 9 pm. I am going to homeschool my daughter this year but my son is staying in public school. Being preggo while homeschooling and chasing around twins, alone everyday seems so daunting. But, i think about how I have changed as a person and how our circumstances have changed since having the oldest, and I realize just how strong i am. (well, it's God) He gives us the grace to perservere when we need it and not a minute before.

Enough about me, I agree with the other posters that said, it gets easier as they get older. It's true. Their needs change from physical dependence to independence. And they can contribute to the family by helping mommy and the other children. That's what families do - help each other.

So, take a break if you need one. But don't be afraid.
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Old 08-28-2012, 11:21 PM   #30
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Re: I WANT a big family, but...

my oldest three are very close in age. 19 months apart between #1 and #2 , then 27 months apart between #2 and #3. my husband deployed and i felt kinda done with babies.
i got pregnant with #4 and the age difference is 3.5 years between #3 and #4.
it was kind hard to go back to diapers, cribs, infant car seats etc after been done with them for a little while. but im happy for the spacing bc #3 was a very high needs baby and toddler.
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