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Old 08-04-2012, 10:07 AM   #11
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Re: Child Support Plus Extras

My paternity, we have stated he spends $ to get to where I live & he pay cs & pay to see from stuff that happened to me by him. He can't just show up or demand to see "free". He can't just take her without it being like kidknapping since I'm custiodial. He can't keep job & I can't prove he has work 4 cash like mowing lawns so I haven't gotten my support in over 2 yrs I think. He lost his liscense & passports cuz nonpay but yet to hear about his being in contempt through the state. I don't have $ yo do it privately via my awesome attorney. I hope u do what u feel is right. Some of my words are from not getting support 4 my kid & all the bad feelings in my situation & what I think my attorney would say.

My sil had kids & got more than stated from hers & now situation reversed on who has kids but he gets like 75 (state mandated) from hisex even tho she not work.

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Old 08-04-2012, 10:07 AM   #12
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Re: Child Support Plus Extras

My paternity, we have stated he spends $ to get to where I live & he pay cs & pay to see from stuff that happened to me by him. He can't just show up or demand to see "free". He can't just take her without it being like kidknapping since I'm custiodial. He can't keep job & I can't prove he has work 4 cash like mowing lawns so I haven't gotten my support in over 2 yrs I think. He lost his liscense & passports cuz nonpay but yet to hear about his being in contempt through the state. I don't have $ yo do it privately via my awesome attorney. I hope u do what u feel is right. Some of my words are from not getting support 4 my kid & all the bad feelings in my situation & what I think my attorney would say.

My sil had kids & got more than stated from hers & now situation reversed on who has kids but he gets like 75 (state mandated) from hisex even tho she not work.
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Old 08-04-2012, 10:39 AM   #13
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Re: Child Support Plus Extras

I'm also a stepmom, and I love my stepsons to pieces. However, we do not pay extra for their extra activities, school supplies, etc. IMO, that is why we pay child support. Not only do we pay child support, but we have to provide for them when they are in our home (which also meant a bigger house so they could have a room when they are here for 6 weeks in the summer). If we enroll them in a camp or activity while they are here, their mom would flip out if we asked her to help pay for part of it.

My opinion may be unique to our situation, but we pay a little over $1000 a month, plus 50% of daycare expenses, each month, and based on the fact that we have two girls here, I know there is no way in heck that the kids need more money than that to be taken care of, especially considering that we are supposedly providing "half" with the child support and their mom is also expected to provide an equal amount of support. How anyone could argue that two healthy school age kids require over $2000 a month to support is beyond me, but that is the calculation.

So, in our house, no. Child support is all we ever pay for (in addition to 50% of medical, dental and child care). In your situation, I would not provide more for your stepson than you do for your own kids (although I'd imagine that you do with the child support).
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Old 08-04-2012, 11:20 AM   #14
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I feel anything extra like sports and stuff should be split. We part child support for my stepson, but because of the situation his mom is not working, 6 months pregnant, and just left her new husband. She is living with her sister and had no $. We are buying my stepson all his school supplies and back to school clothes because we don't want him to not have but are buying the bare minimum. We shouldn't HAVE to but won't let him go without because his mom doesn't have her stuff together.
If you can afford a few of the things to help out then I would, but to go off her list and get it all is not required. Dh's ex wanted 12 pairs of jeans, 12 shirts, and two pairs of jordan's for back to school! Lmao! I don't even have that much cloths! We will buy him enough to get thru the week and if she wants more she can figure it out!
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Old 08-04-2012, 11:29 AM   #15
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I always feel bad for children and child support situations. I get that it gets messed up. But let's think.. How often does she ever do this? If its once and gear while and for a need, yes I would do it. He doesn't get to have a father like your bio children. That loss isn't measured in $$.
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Old 08-04-2012, 11:37 AM   #16
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Re: Child Support Plus Extras

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Originally Posted by 5PrincessMommy View Post

So....what do you think? Okay to send used?
I definitely think it's okay to buy used. If my kids want to be in sports when they get older, they will be getting used equipment/clothes if needed and if possible.

If you would buy your bio kids used sports stuff, then buy your stepson used sports stuff too.
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Old 08-04-2012, 11:40 AM   #17
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Re: Child Support Plus Extras

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I think you need to suck it up. Not trying to be mean mamma! Your Dh has a son and he has to provide for him. Ya'll have made the decisions for your Dh to be a SAHD. So you have taken on all of his financial responsibility . I would not send used . Your step son has the right to new things if that is what he needs . Under armor gets pretty nasty I personally would be skeeved out by used .
well, not really my first choice for dh to be a sahd, but it is the way it is b.c of certain choices he made and me being the one with a degree/career, blah blah, lot of resentment on my end about that....

the shorts I found look perfectly fine. I guess the way I see it, if I'd get if for my girls used, why can't I get it for him used?

No work over summer (teacher), so been living off of my ebay money. Won't get my first paycheck til september, yadi yadi. BUT if I would have known about this I could have planned for it/budgeted for it months ago.

Now underwear and socks (although I know nothing about football socks or what they even look like) I buy the girls new, so I would buy those things new (but she didn't ask for undies but you get my point).
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Old 08-04-2012, 11:43 AM   #18
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Re: Child Support Plus Extras

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I don't know anything about the skeeviness (sp?) of used Under Armour , but I think if used is the standard for your family, it should be ok for him too. I mean, you already pay CS, and likely buy new gifts for birthdays and holidays, etc, correct? No one on the team would be able to tell anyways (assuming since you sell used you are good at picking out great condition used stuff). Plus, used items may have just been the wrong size for the previous owner...

OTW maybe buy some things new and some used and maybe that will work for her?

I grew up on used and buy used for my kiddos, so have no problem with it, but I know it freaks out people who are not used to it (like DH, lol!)!
Yes we buy new for bdays. In fact his bday is the 13th, and we already have stuff in the amazon cart to send him, but then she asked for this stuff, so now have an extra expense to budget in...
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Old 08-04-2012, 11:47 AM   #19
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Re: Child Support Plus Extras

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You pay support so his mom can support him....beyond that, you are obligated to do what you want/can. If you can't, you can't. She should have told you month's ago she would need all this. I would find what I could on the cheap and ask her to get the rest.

What does the divorce decree say about dental insurance? Who is supposed to provide it?
No divorce decree---they were never married. But the child support order does not say anything about dental. It says dh is supposed to get health insurance IF it's available to him through work or little to no cost. So, even though it's NOT available at "low cost" we got health insurance anyway. My 2 littlest ones are covered on state health insurance and my older 3 are covered by my ex husband.
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Old 08-04-2012, 11:52 AM   #20
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Re: Child Support Plus Extras

In less it is in the court order, in CA (that is where my husband's was), child support is inclusive. Its fine to send used. If she doesn't like it, she can use her child support to buy new. I would not send money but I'd be ok sending stuff if you can afford it - if you can't say, I'm sorry but we can't afford it right now. If you haven't gotten your child support, I'd be happy to contact the office as I know we paid it this month.

Dental insurance. My husband's ex had it for the kid but wanted more. Judge said we only had to provide at a reasonable cost (it was not a reasonable cost) so we did pick up son when my husband got it (it was under me previously and they would not allow me to cover him as he was not in our home). When we did the math, insurance would have been $100 a month and she wanted it to reduce the braces (which she never got) so for us, in one year, financially we were better off paying half alone without insurance (i.e. just alone $1200 per year). If that makes sense. If it isn't ordered, NO, she can provide in less you can put him on yours at no more cost.
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