Child Support Plus Extras

[erkelly]

Well, I agree with some of the pp who said they would not do it. We pay a little over $600 a month in child support, and his mom sits at home on her behind because she doesn't feel like working. So I have a lot of resentment. BUT, it costs nowhere near $600 a month to pay for everything my bio kids need, so she should be able to support him off of what we pay her considering she also lives off government assistance too. If she asked us for extra stuff, that would be her admitting that she cannot properly care for my step son with the money we provide, and we would be taking her back to court to prove that she is unable to properly care for my step son.
A couple years ago, she asked DH for money to buy step son a winter jacket. We were onto her and said what does he need, we'll go buy it. She insisted on getting the money for her to buy it herself. The following weekend when we got step son, we asked him what kind of jacket he wanted, and he said he already had like 5 jackets, he didn't need another. Caught in a lie! That was also the winter that she didn't allow step son to wear a jacket to our house... We'd have to exchange step son outside at freezing cold temperatures, and he wasn't allowed to wear his jacket, that WE bought with our child support money! Gjuuisfkdnskfhidshfoi!!!

[magdalynaa]

Originally Posted by amcess721 Well with THAT info, I'd get back to her and let her know that once she gets the info to the Insurance company, that you'll have an extra $40 you'd be happy to spend on the sports equipment.

Ooh that's a good one!

OP. I was the primary breadwinner and stepmom, and it's very difficult with often no thanks for anything you do.

[iwiamandaiwi]

Originally Posted by erkelly Well, I agree with some of the pp who said they would not do it. We pay a little over $600 a month in child support, and his mom sits at home on her behind because she doesn't feel like working. So I have a lot of resentment. BUT, it costs nowhere near $600 a month to pay for everything my bio kids need, so she should be able to support him off of what we pay her considering she also lives off government assistance too. If she asked us for extra stuff, that would be her admitting that she cannot properly care for my step son with the money we provide, and we would be taking her back to court to prove that she is unable to properly care for my step son. A couple years ago, she asked DH for money to buy step son a winter jacket. We were onto her and said what does he need, we'll go buy it. She insisted on getting the money for her to buy it herself. The following weekend when we got step son, we asked him what kind of jacket he wanted, and he said he already had like 5 jackets, he didn't need another. Caught in a lie! That was also the winter that she didn't allow step son to wear a jacket to our house... We'd have to exchange step son outside at freezing cold temperatures, and he wasn't allowed to wear his jacket, that WE bought with our child support money! Gjuuisfkdnskfhidshfoi!!!

I would be taking her back to court right then and there! That is child abuse to make him go without a coat

[erkelly]

After reading all the responses, WOW!! This child does NOT need a 3rd set, that is ridiculous! Especially if she doesn't work, she has plenty of time to do a load of laundry between practices! And if your in laws bought 2 sets, and she bought none...where is her contribution?! He sounds like my step sons mom...greedy and wanting money and trying to milk you for all you're worth.

For the record, if a step kids custodial parent was reasonable, hard working and actually a good person, I think the non custodial parent should do all they can to help with extras on top of child support. I would if my step sons mom was a good person. But she's the devil so she doesn't see us bending backwards to meet her demands.

Also, why is YOUR income being taken into consideration for your step sons child support???? When we went to court over custody of my step son, MY income was blacked out on all income tax papers filed through the court. To my understanding, they are only supposed to take the bio parents income in consideration. If they have no income or are willfully underemployed, they take into account what the bio parent could/should be making. Like if I were a millionaire, and DH married me and quit working, the state would take into consideration what DH could be making and use that as his child support contribution.

[mumtwiceover]

After what Ihave read both in this post and from your other threads about what this woman has done to sabatoge your relationship with your step son -

I would do this - let her know that you will do the best you can in terms of the under things - no equipment if she has 2 sets already. IfI were you Iwould do what you can in terms of money and availablity for the things on the list.

I would also tell her that this is the one and only time you are doing this - in the future she can give you a list of things he is going to need for the fall and that while he is with you for the summer visit you DH is entitled to (but she is not allowing to happen) that you will shop with him and send items back with him (whether that means grandparents buy for him or you do).

I do think that it's not fair that your Stepson not have the things he needs but clearly have 3 sets of equipment is not a need!!!! No one is short changing him...

I also have to say that I would stop communication with her and you - this should be going on between your DH and her.... Your not good enough for respect when having visits but she has no problem texting you about money???? What balls!!!

[pcjs]

Originally Posted by iwiamandaiwi I would be taking her back to court right then and there! That is child abuse to make him go without a coat

No, its not child abuse. A judge can tell a CP to send the stuff/coat, but if they don't too bad and NCP has to provide (on top of child support, extras and insurance/additional stuff).

[Sha-nanagins]

Originally Posted by 5PrincessMommy Yes we buy new for bdays. In fact his bday is the 13th, and we already have stuff in the amazon cart to send him, but then she asked for this stuff, so now have an extra expense to budget in...

I think if I were you, I would dump the stuff already in the Amazon cart and replace it with a comparable amount of football gear. OF course, after reading further that he has already been given 2 sets of gear, I'd tell mom to get them herself if she's not willing to wash/clean the gear he already has.

And, if dental insurance is not included in the health care plan you already provided, it's on mom to get the insurance (though, depending on the support order wording, you may have to cover part of any necessary medical OR dental expenses not covered by insurance).

[iwiamandaiwi]

Originally Posted by pcjs No, its not child abuse. A judge can tell a CP to send the stuff/coat, but if they don't too bad and NCP has to provide (on top of child support, extras and insurance/additional stuff).

The situation as I understood it was that the child had several coats he could have worn but for some deranged reason the mom was refusing to let him wear a coat at all. That is most definitely child abuse in my book; to send your kid out into the cold and purposefully keep them from wearing a coat is cruel

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by Alaga I don't know anything about the skeeviness (sp?) of used Under Armour , but I think if used is the standard for your family, it should be ok for him too. I mean, you already pay CS, and likely buy new gifts for birthdays and holidays, etc, correct? No one on the team would be able to tell anyways (assuming since you sell used you are good at picking out great condition used stuff). Plus, used items may have just been the wrong size for the previous owner... OTW maybe buy some things new and some used and maybe that will work for her? I grew up on used and buy used for my kiddos, so have no problem with it, but I know it freaks out people who are not used to it (like DH, lol!)!

This.

Treat him like you treat your daughters. If they'd get used, he gets used.

Treat them all the same and that's the best, IMO

[JeDeeLenae]

Originally Posted by iwiamandaiwi The situation as I understood it was that the child had several coats he could have worn but for some deranged reason the mom was refusing to let him wear a coat at all. That is most definitely child abuse in my book; to send your kid out into the cold and purposefully keep them from wearing a coat is cruel

It kinda depends. My brother used to do this with his daughter. Her mother needed to provide a winter coat for her house. The main problem was the $$ coat my brother bought would get "lost" at the mother's house and she would come back in a lighter coat w/ a sweater. After it repeatedly happened, he refused to send her coats there and would send her in a heavy sweater and jacket. One winter, he had bought her 7 coats because of this!