PLEASE teach me the way oh adoption/foster senseis

[pcjs]

Now, leave it alone for a few weeks/months as you put the idea in his head and let it sink in. Then bug him about 3-4 months after baby is born and then given it 6 and call the agency to get an application. Really, just leave it alone and plant the seed and give it time. He'll get there. Just give him time. He'll eventually agree just to get you to leave him alone and to make you happy.

Glad you are ok. Tell toddler to be careful with you!

[pcjs]

Now, leave it alone for a few weeks/months as you put the idea in his head and let it sink in. Then bug him about 3-4 months after baby is born and then given it 6 and call the agency to get an application. Really, just leave it alone and plant the seed and give it time. He'll get there. Just give him time. He'll eventually agree just to get you to leave him alone and to make you happy.

Glad you are ok. Tell toddler to be careful with you!

[Umm_Ibraheem]

lol! ME leave it alone?! It would be easier to convince DH to foster RIGHT NOW than for me to leave it alone. I'll have to draw on some magical patience powers I don't posses at the moment. I'll TRY, I'll really really try but I doubt I can go more than 3 days without "hey you know what I learned about fostering today..."

*gasp* I just realized I may be my worst detractor. ugh.

[pcjs]

Focus on the new baby and hang out with us to learn. The more knowledge going into it the better but don't take the negatives some talk about as a given for you/your situation as everyone's is different!

If you want to do some good in the meanwhile, how about becoming a CASA - court appointed special advocate.

[Umm_Ibraheem]

YOU ARE AWESOME! Off to google CASA.

[sparkly_vagabond]

Have you considered international adoption? I have seen many children on waiting lists for countries that prefer a specific religion.

We are adopting from Uganda so our situation/process is different from a lot of ladies here. The homestudy has been the most evasive part of the process and it was over quickly... it was the hardest part for me! The caseworker made it easy though. It was far more like chatting with a friend than an interrogation (I was expecting interrogation) and she never judged me.

I am guessing that you will find your path be it domestic adoption, international adoption, foster care, foster adopt, child advocate, supporter of adoptive families, or child sponsor. It took a lot of "googleing" and trial and error for us to get this far but it's not impossible.

Many blessings to you on your journey!

[Umm_Ibraheem]

@Sparkly. I've lightly researched international adoptions before just because I can't get enough of this topic but its quite expensive. To be honest I haven't really considered it a viable option for my family even if you disregard the finances because I want to do domestic as if I adopt it'll probably be through the foster care system. BTW would you be able to give me links to those countries with religion restrictions? I hadn't come across that so I'd like to read more about it.

At this moment my heart is set on providing a safe environment for children in foster care. That's my primary goal but I always envisioned having a large family and not necessarily birthing all of them (actually I never even thought of having birth children or getting married). So adoption is DEFINITELY something I'd want to do when its the right time but at the moment I just want to get involved and help. Plus to get to the adopting portion I'd need to get him used to the fostering part, baby steps.

However, I don't think DH would agree to an international adoption and THIS IS HIS OPINION so I don't mean to offend. He looks at international adoption and adoption in general as a for-profit scheme of buying and selling children. Unless the adoption agency is a non profit he is totally cool with those kinds of agencies. Then he read about children being stolen from parents in Guatemala and that basically did it for him. He is very afraid that he will be held responsible for those injustices and he feels he could do a better job of ensuring the child wasn't stolen if its done in the USA. Even with foster care he is afraid that he is aiding and abetting the illegal removal of children from their parents. You have to keep in mind though that he comes from a 2 parent household and nearly ALL of his family still has the 2 parent family intact with children so he hasn't experienced abuse in the family setting. Me on the other hand I've experienced almost every major abuse you can dish on a child and my last abuser was my mom. CPS finally tried to intervene after many years of documented abuse but by then I was 3 months shy of my 18th birthday. I KNOW abuse exists because I've experienced it. I KNOW not every child grows up taken care of and loved, neglect is real and it takes many forms. Although CPS did take a long time to attempt removal AT LEAST there was somebody WATCHING and annoying my mom long enough for her to do simple things like buy me prescription glasses. So while he may have a negative view of CPS I've been on the receiving end of their services and they are needed.

So he may think I'm naive when it comes to the legal wranglings and discrimination BUT he is also naive when it comes to child abuse, the realities of it and how prevalent it truly is. Does it happen that CPS makes a mistake and removes a child that shouldn't have been removed? YES its a possibility, but it still does not negate that abused children are out there and need help and my heart is set on helping them.

[pcjs]

Adoption is a money making business both internationally and domestically. But, you pay as the end result (hopefully) is worth it and there aren't enough families vested in standing together to make a change.

If CPS wrongly removes a child, it really has nothing to do with the foster parents. Foster parents like you said are there to provide a service until the children are able to go home or an alternative plan is made. CPS is far from perfect but right now it is the best we have.

I'm not help. Given your background, you are the "perfect" person to foster.

Maybe you can try to find some other Muslim foster parents and have him talk to them? His concerns are very valid but your wants and reasons why are too. Hopefully you will find a nice balance.

[sparkly_vagabond]

You are correct it is expensive! Very. Your best option (when talking about money) IS foster to adopt. We started on that path as well. I think it is a WONDERFUL choice! Your history sounds a lot like mine and my husbands. He has an amazing family background and I do not. I had a mess of a childhood so I completely understand what you are saying.
He is also correct to worry about corruption in international adoption... in ANY adoption! It happens often. It is our responsibility to ask questions and demand answers and to exhaust options before moving ahead with a referral. We work with an amazing agency that uses international adoption as a last resort only and usually only places older or special needs children. It took us a long time to find an agency that does things so ethically. We are very happy now. In fact we were matched with 2 little girls in the beginning doing an independent adoption and had to say no because of unethical practices.
Anyway I found a few links for you
http://muslim.adoption.com/

I often come across profiles like this that state you must be of a specific religion or willing to convert
http://photolisting.adoption.com/int...n/carter-25488

I do not know anything about this adoption agency but I found Morocco adoption information on their website here... check under parental requirements
http://childrenshouseinternational.com/morocco/

A google search may turn up more information for you

[Umm_Ibraheem]

@Pcjs. I don't know of any Muslim foster parents as this community shares my DH's trepidation. One of my close friends is married to a Muslim social worker but I haven't been able to use that to my advantage when speaking with DH yet. I remember a few years ago the need for Muslim foster parents was so great that they created some speedy licensing program that would basically license these guys in less time. Exactly ZERO people signed up despite CPS going mosque to mosque and sending the few Muslim social workers they had to spread awareness. The community saw them with suspicion and just another 'trick' to get them. Btw it also doesn't help that the NYPD has been spying on this community and the neighboring communities or that the FBI's "community outreach program" was used to gather intelligence on the community which means that names they wrote down can be searched by investigators nation wide rather than to build bridges with the community so there is dialogue and participation.

The NYPD kept files on innocent sermons, recorded the names of political organizers in police documents and built databases of where Muslims lived and shopped, even where they were likely to gather to watch sports. Out-of-state operations, like the one in New Brunswick, were one aspect of this larger intelligence-gathering effort. The Associated Press previously described the discovery of the NYPD inside the New Jersey apartment, but police now have released the tape of the 911 call and other materials after a legal fight. http://news.yahoo.com/confused-911-c...084732106.html

"These 2004-2008 documents reflect that information was collected within the scope of an authorized law enforcement activity, whether investigation or liaison, including activities designed to strengthen relationships in various communities," FBI spokesman Michael Kortan said. "Since that time, the FBI has formalized its community relations program to emphasize a greater distinction between outreach and operational activities."

SO you see I'm dealing with highly paranoid people who can back up their paranoia. WHICH SUCKS because I want to be a foster parent and all I have going for my case "THEY WOULDN'T DO THAT NOW!" Hence the me being naive comments.

EDIT: I could go blue in the face trying to distinguish between the agencies but to them its just one big monolith because the one who pays the checks of one agency is the same one that does it for the other agencies. Their employer is the same. sigh. So I don't go down this road when ever I can or I'm just talking to a wall.