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Old 08-05-2012, 11:21 AM   #1
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Chores and expectations for an almost 6 year old?

I need advice on what I should be expecting out of my daughter. Making her bed, picking up toys, brushing teeth/hair, cleaning her spot after a meal, getting dressed...those are all the ones I expect from her. Is it too little? Too much? Also, she can be very strong willed and does not like to be told no. She will look at me and just roll her eyes, which lands her in time out. She's not a horrible child, she's 5. But I am at my wits end with trying to get her to mind me. What can I do for a reward system? She is usually really nice to her 20m old brother but she does like to take stuff from him to hear him scream. We are expecting a new baby in late September so I would like to try and get this under control as soon as possible. I'm willing to do the work, I just need ideas on how to follow through.



My mom likes to take her for the weekends but she comes back even more defiant than when she left and I am at a loss as to what to do. My mom has been getting mad at me because just a few weeks ago I told her she had to behave or she didn't get to go to grandmas and she ended up not getting to go. My mom says that I'm doing it wrong and I shouldn't punish her like that. To me it is a privilege to go to grandmas. Am I wrong about this? I know she is 5 but when she's told to pick up her toys several times and doesn't do it I will come back and tell her she needs to do it now or she won't go to grandmas, and she doesn't do it, she doesn't get to go.

Please help!!

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Old 08-05-2012, 11:31 AM   #2
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My newly 6 year old puts away dishes from the dishwasher, feeds and waters the animals, sets the table, cleans her room, picks up the playroom, puts her dirty clothes in the laundry hamper and brings clean clothes to her room and puts them away, she has her own bathroom and uses clorox wipes to wipe down the sink and windex to wash the mirror (I do the toilet), she helps pick up the living room, and brings me diapers and outfits for her brother. There are probably a few more I'm missing!
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Old 08-05-2012, 11:32 AM   #3
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Re: Chores and expectations for an almost 6 year old?

It sounds like Grandma isn't holding her to any expectations while at her house so no, I don't think you're out of line there at all. The behavior is starting to come home after the weekend at Grandma's, you don't need to let it slide beforehand too or it will just continue to get worse. You should probably talk to your mom about the expectations that need to follow dd to her grandmas and be kept up with. If your mom can't handle it she shouldn't get to keep dd as often, or at all the behaviors continue to get worse with the visits.

IDK about taking the toys away, other than talk to her. Luckily for me my ds was pretty receptive to conversations about that kinda stuff.

My son is almost 5.5 and our expectations for him are; let the dog out of the kennel in the morning, keep toys cleaned up (out of living room, clean room when it needs it), get himself dressed, clear the table of dishes after breakfast and lunch, feed the dog her dinner. He brings his dirty clothes to the LR also

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Old 08-05-2012, 11:33 AM   #4
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Re: Chores and expectations for an almost 6 year old?

My 4 and 6 year olds are both expected to do what you have listed (well, the 4 year old needs help with her hair, but its long and super curly, so if she brushes it it just ends up being a big frizzy mess lol). 4 year old feeds the dogs, 6 year old gets the dogs water, both are responsible for bringing the trash from their rooms & the bathrooms to the main trash can, 6 year old takes trash outside if he can. I can say....I can tell them both to clean their rooms, and the 4 year old has more toys than the 6 year old and usually has a messier room at clean-up time...then 6 year old can easily take an hour or two to clean up his room and its not done correctly (things put away in the wrong places, stuff shoved in the closet), while my four year can get her room cleaned properly & really well in about ten minutes on a bad day.

We recently started doing an allowance system (they get $5 a week for doing all of their chores every day and $2 of that HAS to go into savings each week), it works with the youngest, not so much the oldest. My oldest just doesn't care...he's content to have a messy room, and he's just...a slob. DD likes having a neat space & likes money, so it works for her. Find something that she likes/wants, and work with it.
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Old 08-05-2012, 11:52 AM   #5
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Re: Chores and expectations for an almost 6 year old?

Sounds pretty good to me.

DS just turned 4yrs last month and he does most of the same chores. He sets and cleans the table, helps me unload the dishwasher, sorts and folds laundry, knows he must clean up his room and the playroom at the end of the day before bed, waters the plants and takes the recycle out while I take out the trash. He helps vacuum and does the second go over when I mop our floors. At this young age he is super excited to assist with everything so as long as it is safe and I can oversee him I encourage his participation.
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Old 08-05-2012, 11:54 AM   #6
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My 6 and 8 year olds have a chore chart. It has daily chores listed and a smiley face to be checked off for each chore they finish. The chores are listed in a lose order. Brush teeth, make bed, complete school work, put away laundry, vacuum (one does the living area one does the dining area), one sets the table one clears the table for dinner, clean bedrooms before bed and rush teeth. They both also do other things as I ask for the day. Each checked off smiley is worth 1 marble for their jars. They save their marbles and "pay" me for screen time (tv, computer, or Wii) 1 marble equals 10 mins of screen time. They may spend as many (up to 6 in one day) as they want but when the jar is empty that's it. Even if one is watching and the other has no marbles they cannot watch. Or they have the option to save their marbles until their jar is full (75) for a particular toy they have been wanting.
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Old 08-05-2012, 12:09 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Three Little Monkeys
My 6 and 8 year olds have a chore chart. It has daily chores listed and a smiley face to be checked off for each chore they finish. The chores are listed in a lose order. Brush teeth, make bed, complete school work, put away laundry, vacuum (one does the living area one does the dining area), one sets the table one clears the table for dinner, clean bedrooms before bed and rush teeth. They both also do other things as I ask for the day. Each checked off smiley is worth 1 marble for their jars. They save their marbles and "pay" me for screen time (tv, computer, or Wii) 1 marble equals 10 mins of screen time. They may spend as many (up to 6 in one day) as they want but when the jar is empty that's it. Even if one is watching and the other has no marbles they cannot watch. Or they have the option to save their marbles until their jar is full (75) for a particular toy they have been wanting.
I love the idea with marbles!! I may try this!!

Thank you all for the comments so far!! Keep em coming!

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Old 08-05-2012, 12:17 PM   #8
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Also: how do I stop the meltdowns when we leave the park and other fun places? I will admit that the meltdown is a lot of the reason I don't enjoy going. I just dread the 10 minute sob fest and stomping. I feel like giving her a countdown from 10 minutes is sufficient for her to understand we will be leaving but as soon as 'okay, times up. Let's pack up and go' comes out of my mouth she starts in and then not only is she throwing a fit but then little brother sees her behavior and he starts in too. Are they all like that? Lol

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Old 08-05-2012, 12:36 PM   #9
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I have honestly never had to much trouble getting my kids to leave a fun place. I usually give them a 15 min and a 5 min warning. Then I say OK 1 more time down the slide and it's time to go. Stick to your ONE more time. Be very matter of fact if the tantrum starts and just keep going. Stick to your rules and she will catch on!
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Old 08-05-2012, 04:55 PM   #10
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Oh man....we just left the fair. She rode a camel, got to play with a baby lion, rode a pony and play games and do rides. My mom was with us and she saw dd's fit...I was mortified as she's screaming at the top of her lungs and crying. Wow. This is the kind of stuff that makes me not even want to spend the money on taking her to do fun stuff like this

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