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Old 08-10-2012, 08:25 AM   #11
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

Nope. Can't get away from those labels. The little people who live in my house STILL call me "Mommy."

I don't know that I've ever given myself a label. My children have taught me there is a season for everything and I just have to figure out which season I'm in and act accordingly. I can't force the season by {insert any parenting activity} anymore than I can bring on winter by wearing snowshoes in August.

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Old 08-10-2012, 08:26 AM   #12
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I always hated the AP label, so I never applied it to myself. I hate that the term implies that I am unattached from my children simply because I put them in a crib or a stroller, or any other thing in the AP handbook. I parent by doing what I feel is right. We sleep trained both kids because I couldn't function during the day after waking every 45 minutes. Both kids hate cosleeping and room sharing. I BF for as long as possible, and don't use bottles, but only because I'm lazy and don't want to pump.

One thing that have changed since becoming a parent is thatim much more "crunchy" than I thought I'd be.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:32 AM   #13
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

I dislike all the labels, judgements, your way is wrong that goes on ---

I am very much do what works for each kid, me, DH, our family as a whole. If someone doesn't like it tough. Real friends/family stick by you, give you advise when you ask, but don't criticize or judge.

While I do somethings "crunchy" (which I really dn't understand the full meaning of that term) I am not big into the whole AP stuff. I love my stroller, the kids love to ride in the stroller. I really do not like a baby that close to me all the time espeically after being pregnant. I get way to hot and then I get cranky and that just isn't good for anyone. I do not like people sleeping with me and it scares the crap out of me to have a baby in my bed. Our kids sleep in their cribs from day one. However both boys went through a phase at age 2.5/3 where they couldn't sleep by themselves and slept with me--- DH went to the couch. Guess what it works. Everyone sleeps and that is what is important.

I am a firm believer in BF but in also doing what works for you. The boys were BF for 7 months. Then I dried up, pumping at work wasn't working, I wasn't getting enough and by 8 months I was done and we went to formula till a year and then whole milk. And you know what I am perfectly fine with it.

If that means the boys and I go to burger King for supper cause I am so tired after working all day and being 33 weeks preggo that I don't want to cook and then I let them play in the play area so be it. Everyone goes home happy.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:38 AM   #14
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

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Originally Posted by Terra View Post
Yes, exactly. I found it sad that once I shook the labels and just did what works for us [which is a hodge podge], I lost my die hard natural/AP friends because I didn't fit the mold and wasn't doing things "right". I just figured it was their loss

Yes! That is the highest compliment. When people tell me you're a great mom, I blush because though I don't feel like it a lot, I love that I guess it is showing through how much I love my boys
It is totally their loss. AP, mainstream, crunchy, all those come in variety. It's not an all or nothing thing, and I don't understand those who think it is.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:44 AM   #15
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

Hmm...Overall, I don't agree with the AP philosophy, but I do some things that AP parents do, like use cloth diapers and give birth without an epidural. That means that sometimes people assume I adhere to the AP philosophy, which annoys me because I don't. I wish as a society we wouldn't attach labels to parenting. Especially since what works well varies from family to family and from kid to kid within families.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:46 AM   #16
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

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Honestly, the only parenting philosophy I really subscribe to is from Dr. Ray Guarundi. He says that if you want exceptional kids, you have to parent exceptionally -- i.e., you are your child's parent first and foremost, not their friend and they don't need to "keep up with the Jones's" So, basically just because little Janey has a cell phone does not mean that my 7 year old needs one too because they come fraught with possibilities for bad behavior.
Amen! Some were just horrified that I buy into the commercialism of Disney...**gasp, the horror** Some got mad because even though I'm very pro-nursing and nursed my second until he self-weaned which happened to be 3 years, that I don't think formula bags should be banned from hospitals because it's still a choice what a mom wants to to do. And the list goes on. But as I said, then those are not 'friends" to begin with.
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It is totally their loss. AP, mainstream, crunchy, all those come in variety. It's not an all or nothing thing, and I don't understand those who think it is.
Now I don't. But sadly I had the same mentality when I was so gung ho. I felt like it was mission to correct people's parenting. How awful was that And I would have people tell me 'do you know how ridiculous you guys sound with your extreme ways and ZOMG I'm calling CPS on every little thing?'
Now that I've stepped back, I see that And I hated that I was ever so mean to anyone. BUT I'm thankful that I didn't stay in that spot, but chose to work on myself first and foremost.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:55 AM   #17
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

Nope, no labels, stereotypes, or subscribing to "philosophies" here. Like my siggie used to say, no labels, just me. I don't parent by philosophy, I parent by my kids.

I do some things that might be considered AP-I BF, I use a ring sling, use natural consequences etc etc. I also FF (*gasp, it's possible to do both?!?!? just kidding ), use a stroller and I spank. I will NEVER bed share because I believe it is 100% dangerous, but my youngest will be 2 in a month and she's still in our bedroom. I made chicken and biscuits completely from scratch last night, no cream of chicken soup, no bisquick, etc, and then this morning I got a Coke from McDonalds for breakfast. I don't go to church and am pretty sure no divine being exists, however my 3 girls are the only ones among my parents 8 grandchildren who are baptized and I was the only one of my siblings to get married in a church. I believe in sending my kids outside every day, but right now they are plopped in front of our 42in tv watching the Care Bears Movie.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:58 AM   #18
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Hmm.. I think the only label I have given my self and don't mind would be "baby wearer" but it never started because I wanted to be labeled. In fact, when I started wearing my babies it was because a) it felt natural to me and b)I was fed up with Dragging infant cars eats and strollers around. But I didn't even realize their was a label for it until I met a group of ladies who were "baby wearers" while i was researching new carriers. I think the only reason I can even label myself that is because I don't actually own a stroller.

Other than that I can't even try to label myself because I would would make a terrible (insert label here) we do co sleep because baby won't sleep alone. I try to feed my family healthy, but when we're busy, you will find us at the local Wendy's or chick fil a for lunch. And Often at dairy queen for an ice cream. We don't keep sodas or junk food in our house, but I never tell my kids no if offered it at a friends. We did circ Our sons, and we do occasionally spank. But we choose not to vax and we don't bother with "well baby/child" check ups.

I guess I'm more in the label of "whatever works for our family"

Like the PP poster, I just wish we could all get along and stop labeling and judging each other over parenting styles. I have often said "I don't understand why they do this with their kids" but I try my hardest not to actually judge a mom for it. Every child is different, every family is different and every parent needs to parent the way that works for them, even if their methods are outside of the box.

CONGRATULATIONS op, on shedding the label. If your friends are ditching you over organic toys, then you don't need them anyways!

......you should see what my posts look like BEFORE auto correct.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mcpforever
Nope. Can't get away from those labels. The little people who live in my house STILL call me "Mommy."

Hahahaha too funny!! And soo true.

Edit: ps....I've never read a "parenting" book! When we need parenting advice, I usually talk to my mom or my in laws. We figure dh and I turned out all right, so they must know a thing or two. I've never met an authors kids so how can I trust their parenting advice?

Last edited by theonenonlymrssmith; 08-10-2012 at 09:06 AM.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:58 AM   #19
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

Terra, I can't believe people would abandon you and all your good qualities just because you decided to give your kids a Cheeto or because you used a stroller at Disney World. You're a great, caring person and a loving mother! <3
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:59 AM   #20
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Sorry double post
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