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Old 08-10-2012, 11:23 AM   #31
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

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Originally Posted by staceray7 View Post
I am definitely in the "do what's right for your family" camp. I've never walked in your shoes, so who am I to determine your path?
I cloth diaper, breastfeed, extended rear-face, babywear, watch my kids' diets, but only in moderation, my kids are circ'd, and we definitely vax on schedule. We encourage respectful dissent, are atheists, spank as a last resort, but will do so if we feel it's warranted, and I cook 5 times a week. The other 2 are take-in days. I love epidurals so very much, and the hospital is my friend for l&d, but the thought of having a c-section terrifies me. I definitely leave my babies for getaways and mom & dad breaks.
I am a complete hodge-podge of labels, and I am very comfortable with that.
Yeah I use to lament over my births. My first was 5 hours of labor, 2.5 hours of pushing, had an epi 3 hours into my labor at about 5.5 cm. ended in a c-sec. 2nd was a routine c-sec, since the nearest place was over an hour away that would do VBAC.
Now, I don't regret them! I look back and loved my epi because I could finally rest, and I went from a 5.5-10 in an hour. Both recoveries were fine. Both of my sections happened to be on a Monday and that Sunday I was at Church and grocery shopping and living life normally.

I didn't use to vax, but really re-examing that now. That's parenting. Making choices, changing your mind, learning, growing. Heck that's life really And I'm very happy with it all!

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Old 08-10-2012, 11:40 AM   #32
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

I didn't actually label myself, but I did go through a phase where I tried to adhere to what mattered to me in ENTIRETY and tried not to be hypocritical in any way. Which inevitably leads to extremes and fits into labels. I gave up a while ago. The past couple of years has been filled with me figuring out what really works for us and for me and admitting that everyone contradicts themselves in some way...whatever. I do what I need to do to live conciously (and always have) but that meaning has and will continue to evolve throughout my life.

That being said, my need to defy hypocrisy was also just part of the evolution of my worldview, not really something bad that I had to discard or break free from.

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Old 08-10-2012, 11:56 AM   #33
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

Terra, I am very proud of you to be able to realize what things you needed to change in your life and have the courage to do it. That is more important than any label or any friend. Good for you and thanks for sharing! We all have things that we can see from a new perspective or take a more mature approach to.

Its a shame that your "friends" have dropped you for this reason but I'd rather be alone than be around people like that anyway.
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Old 08-10-2012, 12:00 PM   #34
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

I just try to do what I feel is best for my kids. DS was an independent baby. DD wouldn't sleep without being held. I was anti-cosleeping but ended up having to with DD. I just think each child is different. They want and need different things. Sometimes you have to adjust. DS HATED being put in a carrier. DD loves it! DS was fed baby food. DD choked on purees and ended up eating table food. (DS didn't touch table food till he was 18 months old!) DS had sposies with a little EC.(didn't even know what it was called back then. Just didn't want to waste diapers if I knew he had to go!) DD has cloth and won't EC or give cues.

Am I crunchier than 9 years ago? I don't think I am. I have always tried to do what I felt was best for my kid at the time. I don't care about what the books say or what people label me. I'm a MOM... that's my label!
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Old 08-10-2012, 12:05 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Terra

Yeah I use to lament over my births. My first was 5 hours of labor, 2.5 hours of pushing, had an epi 3 hours into my labor at about 5.5 cm. ended in a c-sec. 2nd was a routine c-sec, since the nearest place was over an hour away that would do VBAC.
Now, I don't regret them! I look back and loved my epi because I could finally rest, and I went from a 5.5-10 in an hour. Both recoveries were fine. Both of my sections happened to be on a Monday and that Sunday I was at Church and grocery shopping and living life normally.

I didn't use to vax, but really re-examing that now. That's parenting. Making choices, changing your mind, learning, growing. Heck that's life really And I'm very happy with it all!
Thanks for that perspective on c-sections. I had no idea you could get around that quickly! 2.5 hours of pushing, poor mama! That is terrible. I'm glad you had the best deliveries for you.
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Old 08-10-2012, 12:39 PM   #36
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I parented for nearly 2 years before I came across the term attachment parenting.
I thought hey that's a lot of what I do lol

I do what works for my family and individual children. My second 2 kids are a lot different than my first 2 much more laid back. I nursed because it never occurred for me to do anything else. I remembered my mom nursing ( albeit only a couple months)

I came to cosleep because that was the only way my first 2 babies slept at all. I baby wore because same 2 babies never wanted to be put down. Last 2 didn't really want to be held as much and were happy to be set in seats. I extended nursed because she seemed to depend on it/love it so much. I didn't CLW because at 4 I had had enough. I home birth because I believe it is safe and hospitals give me panic attacks. ( post surgical PTSD)
We try to avoid processed foods but I don't believe they are the root of all evil ;p. I would rather buy local than organic and gasp I have a slight ginger ale addiction.
We spank and yell on occasion and don't think my children will be scarred for life from it.
My 4th is my first cd baby because I didn't know anyone who did and was too scared to try with 2 &3 baby 4 happened to react to sposies.
I personally don't see the need to label us.
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Old 08-10-2012, 01:10 PM   #37
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

When I first started interacting on diaperswappers, everyone had labels in their siggys so I wanted some too! For a while I enjoyed labeling myself but I realized that I'm not always those things so why should I label myself as such? Plus, I don't think everyone agrees on what constitues an AP parent or a cloth diaperer or crunchy or natural or whatever. I cloth diaper but sometimes I use disposables, so am I really a cloth diaperer? I babywear but rarely at home so I guess I'm not a "real" babywearer. I loved my med-free birth with DD and plan to do it again, but I love the hospital and I'm OK with intervention as necessary, so can I even label myself as a "natural birther"? I try to feed my family as healthy as possible, but time and money don't always make that possible.

Thinking through all that I realized the only label that will ever work for me is MOM. As a Christian I have a few concrete parenting approaches, but other than that my approach is continually evolving and there are no labels that could ever stick. Maybe if I had 10 kids found a perfect method...but I doubt that is possible! I just have to do what works not only for me, but for my husband and for each of my children.
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Old 08-10-2012, 01:14 PM   #38
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

I am trying to shed the labels... does that count?

As far as myself, personally... again, I'm trying. I'm a lot different & better than I was 8 months ago, and I hope in another 8 months I'll be a lot different & better than I am now. That's all I can do, I suppose - just try.
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Old 08-10-2012, 01:45 PM   #39
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

It's really interesting seeing all of the 'labels' that seem to be associated with attachment parenting (breastfeeding, co-sleeping, babywearing, CDing, etc). I don't see that as what attachment parenting is at all. I think you can attachment parent 100% without those things. They are just some of the common tools that people who are truly AP use. This article kind of summarizes more of what I see attachment parenting as really being:
http://modernbaby.com/what-is-attach...enting-really/

I think this article has some valuable insight as well:
http://www.positive-parenting-ally.c...parenting.html

And Attachment Parenting International's website:
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/p...principles.php
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Old 08-10-2012, 04:38 PM   #40
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Re: Parenting labels. Anyone ever break free?

I read a lot on parenting when I was trying and pregnant with my oldest and I did relate to the AP stuff and want to do that. I did think that that was the way to parent and feel strongly about a lot of stuff. I even read books on discipline like unconditional parenting. As the years went by I realized it just does not fit me especially unconditional parenting. I actually am in a strange situation too that I found most of my mom friends through things like LLL and birth networks and other crunchy stuff and that even groups not specifically for crunchy moms have a lot of crunchy moms participating. I seen moms judge others or tell moms who were literally non functional because of sleep deprivation and the only advice they get would be to re lactate and suck it up buttercup.

As time goes on I find I am less and less AP like. I am fine with that but I often feel like I am judged for the non crunchy stuff. The AP natural parenting community drives me crazy in some ways lately. I hate how they basically cherry pick studies and info to make people feel guilty for not eating a certain way, disciplining a certain way, birthing a certain way or about what their vax choices are etc. It feels good to get away from the label and to see things in a different light that isn't clouded by the AP and natural parenting box. I don't mind labels and use them in other aspects but not parenting.
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