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Old 08-05-2012, 10:42 PM   #1
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Well title says it all....so here's my story.
I am a sahm to 5 kids ages 6,4,3,2, and 3m. My husband works on the road and we see him about 4 times a year. Anyways this is all new in the last year and I just can't do it anymore. I love my kids dearly but I'm losing my mind....I was pregnant all alone and had to quit my last year of nursing school so there's some resentment there...just need a boost I guess. Just tired of being alone and doing it all with no help. Sorry to sound like a wuss but I feel nonexistent anymore.....

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Old 08-06-2012, 01:20 AM   #2
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Re: Needing a little moral support...

I get seriously annoyed if my husband has to travel for 1 night of work! You're not invisible. It's a tough place to be in
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Old 08-06-2012, 05:07 AM   #3
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Re: Needing a little moral support...

OH MY! That sounds really rough! I found that after my 4th baby I needed more frequent breaks from my kids, who were 4,3,1, and newborn. Even just for an hour or 2. I can not even fathom my DH being gone most of the time.

You do not sound like a wuss at all. Being on the homefront 24/7 is hard work, mentally and physically. Could you all afford a babysitter to come to the house or a "mommy's day out" church program where you take the kids one day a week, so you can get a break? When one doesn't have family around to help, it might be a good option.

Just sounds like a hard situation. I also notice my kids behave a lot better when DH is around more. I discipiline and whatnot, but I think it's the presence of "Papa" that kind of sets their mind at ease or keeps them in line. I don't know what it is, but I'm sooo sorry you arenot having that feeling right now!

((((BIG HUGS)))). Is this job indefinent?
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Old 08-06-2012, 06:43 AM   #4
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Re: Needing a little moral support...

I totally agree with the other Ladies. I would be really struggling too. I have 5 kids who are 6 and under, a 6 year old, 2 4 year olds and 2 2 year olds. I'm 30wks with my 6th. I would be losing my mind also. I REALLY need the "breaks" that my husband gives me, even if it isn't actually getting away, but just having help. Is there anyway to change his schedule or travel? I think for us, unless their were NO other job options, my husband would find a new one. But, that's just us and you can't control another person's actions. So, if he isn't on board with that, then it is what it is, ya know.

If he can't change his work schedule, I would find money in the budget somewhere to hire some help for a few hours a week. Even if it's just a teenager to come for a couple hours after school a few days a week. I would cut back anywhere I had to to make that happen because your sanity is worth the money.

Hang in there. Even if nothing changes, it is going to get easier as your children get older. This is the hardest time of parenting many children because they are all young and you don't have much help.

Oh! That brings me to a thought, I've only recently gotten pretty good at having my 6 year old and my 4 years help a LOT around the house. (Even the 2 year olds help the best they can.) They pick up (with specific direction such as "Pick up the block and put it in the bin. Pick up your shoes and put them in the shoe organizer..."). The 6 year old does a lot of vacuuming. All of them wipe tables, chairs, counters, cabinets and anything else that needs wiping. Also, are you giving them all a quiet time in the afternoon when the toddler naps? Not everyday, but a lot of days, ALL the kids, even the 6 year old, take a quiet time in the afternoon while my toddlers are napping. They don't have to sleep, but they have to play quietly or look at books and not bother me. My older 2 boys share a room, so I put one in another room for quiet time so they can't play together and make trouble. This gives me a much needed break. It isn't always perfect and it would take time to implement if you aren't currently doing it, but it is worth it for the small break.

Okay, now I'm done. Lots and lots of
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Old 08-06-2012, 06:59 AM   #5
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Re: Needing a little moral support...

I think many of us can probably relate. When my husband needs to travel either for his civilian job or for reserve duty, I tend to do things a tad differently. I'm stricter about certain aspects of a schedule with the kids to make sure I get time alone. Meaning they cannot get out of their rooms until a certain time in the morning to allow me time to take a shower and such in the morning, naptime/quiet time is set in stone, and bedtime just might be moved up a bit early. I'm also more likely to try to seek out or plan a basic schedule to our week so that I know I can look forward to getting out of the house on certain days. I would see if you have a local moms club in your area or something similar. Even if you don't always click with the ladies, having a set day to get everyone out of the house and letting the kids play with other folks helps.

when my husband is traveling, I am a lot more likely to rely on paper plates for lunches, keep breakfast as simple as possible, and when all of my kids were that little we'd often just have sandwiches for dinner. In other words, make things as easy on you as possible since you don't have older children to help. And let's be realistic. Most little kids will be happier with chicken nuggets, pasta and sandwiches than they would with something else you would make so why make things harder on yourself.

My biggest suggestion is make sure you are watching your own emotional state and seek out a babysitter or another mom to help watch your kids when you need it. I know that can be heard with lots of little kids but please don't allow guilt at having to leave so many kids with someone else keep you from finding a sitter. The folks I used to leave my kids with loved watching them and loved knowing they were helping because they'd been in my shoes when their kids were all little. And kids tend to behave better for other folks anyway than they do for mom. Especially when they know mom is stressed out and at the end of her rope. Kids easily sense that stress and pounce on it.

I can't say it's really gotten any easier when my husband has to be gone for an extended period of time now other than I know what to expect, what corners to cut and I now have 2 teens who can babysit so on those days when I feel myself needing to break, I've been known to hop in the car and just go get lunch for myself or something. I'm finding lately that more and more families are turning to jobs that have one parent traveling on a regular basis and it does put a ton of stress on the parent left at home. I think way more stress than put on the traveling parent. It's ok to admit you are stressed. Even important to do so. Reach out to your community as much as you are comfy and see if you can find a little help. Maybe a mother's helper or something. It's even more important when you are doing it alone to take time for you. Good luck.
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Old 08-06-2012, 03:10 PM   #6
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Thanks mommas...it was just one of those daya..ik u can all relate lol. Ughhh...I see a lot of suggestions for a mothers helper...does someone just go and put an ad out for something like that? I live in a very small town of about 1000 so the closest "city" to me is 45min away and only 20,000 people. There's a few big families around here though so maybe I need to go make some friends lol.

DH is in a commitment that extends to about 5 years but called the other day to say the company would provide free housing with all utilities and furnishments made...now ita just a matter of finding a big enough house and uprooting my kida from a house we own...but loving my home and loving my husband is starting to become a clear decision which is more important to me.
As for schedules we are pretty rigid about that but I just feel the 6 year old is picking up a lot more responsibility than she should have to imo...maybe not..there's more guilt than anything. Wow...feels a lot better getting that off my chest. I am going out to see him Thursday before school starts so we can hash this out kid free. Just feels good to not be the only one with the feeling like my head is gonna explode lol.
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Old 08-06-2012, 05:59 PM   #7
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Re: Needing a little moral support...

Hang in there mama! When my first 3 were bitty I also had a mom's helper. Now I lend out my 12yo to help other mamas! Definitely sounds like you need to get out there and connect with other families through church or a mom's club. I don't think we were created to do this alone. We need community!
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Old 08-07-2012, 12:39 AM   #8
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Re: Needing a little moral support...

When you do move try to find a gym that includes day care. We have one that is awesome, I volunteer there once a week to get a free membership, but anytime I am feeling overwhelmed I can take the kids there. I haven't yet but they will even watch the baby. Sometimes I work out, other times I just sit in the lobby where they have couches and read a book.

I hope with the moving your hubby will be around more. I am super spoiled, we did the whole both of us working full-time thing, realized we both hated it and were able to make changes. I work part-time and hubby goes to school, so we both are home most of the time.
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Old 08-07-2012, 05:12 AM   #9
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If it was possible to live with your hubby, than DO IT!!!
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Old 08-08-2012, 06:27 PM   #10
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Thanks ladies...wish me luck...going out tomorrow to look look at houses...maybe gyms lol
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