AP Mamas - I have a sleep dilema

[bluedaisyma]

you can't sleep while she nurses at night? (like if she was back in your bed and just latched herself on she wouldn't wake the olders) I am just wondering, not judging! Maybe you could have a cup of breastmilk there for her and DH could offer it and say, "you can nurse mama when it's light out" or something. Or have him go in every time until, say 3-4 am (depending on what time she goes to bed) and then you come in after and lay with her and nurse. She will get the idea that she isn't alone to CIO, but it's daddy, not mommy. She might start to sleep longer and wait for the time when you come in. Can you nap when she naps, also?

[BeccaSueCongdon]

Just wanted to give you a ::hug:: and say things will get better. :-) obviously you have to figure out a solution that works for all of you. I'd encourage you to check her out with the pedi to confirm that there aren't any medical issues (reflux, ear pain, etc) then choose something that you know you can stick to. Consistency is the MOST IMPORTANT factor, regardless of what plan you come up with.

[AnimalHouse]

Originally Posted by chickabiddy Thanks mamas. I was thinking about trying to get DH to take her during the first part of the night. I'm just worried that he'll let her cry. He's one of the loudest proponents of CIO. I guess I could just go pat her butt when she wakes but she gets SO worked up when I go in. She also won't let me hold her when she wakes at night. All she wants is the boob. I'm also just really worried that she's not getting enough during the day. I offer a lot, both breast and solids, but she's just not that interested anymore.

I totally feel your concern, with the bolded. My DH is also a proponent of CIO... I finally had to sit down and have a real discussion with him. I explained to him that his help was crucial to me being successful with night weaning DS3... I absolutely cannot go in his room when he wakes up, otherwise he gets so riled up that he ends up making himself puke . I told him that I'm not comfortable with letting DS3 CIO... I'm not anti-CIO at all, but DS3 just doesn't have the personality for it. DH also explained to me why he felt like letting DS3 CIO was the best option. We ended up coming to a compromise - he would get DS3 back to sleep during the night wakings, but he also let him fuss a bit (3-5 mins) before going in there.

[chickabiddy]

Originally Posted by bluedaisyma you can't sleep while she nurses at night? (like if she was back in your bed and just latched herself on she wouldn't wake the olders) .... Can you nap when she naps, also?

After 3 kids I still can't do this. I don't know why. I tried nursing her in bed, but she wasn't comfortable and I wasn't either.

Unless I hold her, she rarely naps for more than 30 minutes. When the older kids are home I feel so guilty sticking them in front of the computer so I can nap.

AnimalHouse: I'm not totally anti-CIO either, but I feel like it's a very last resort and I don't feel like it would work with YDD.

I talked to DH and he's not on board with going in when she wakes. I guess we're going to need to have another talk.

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by chickabiddy After 3 kids I still can't do this. I don't know why. I tried nursing her in bed, but she wasn't comfortable and I wasn't either. Unless I hold her, she rarely naps for more than 30 minutes. When the older kids are home I feel so guilty sticking them in front of the computer so I can nap. AnimalHouse: I'm not totally anti-CIO either, but I feel like it's a very last resort and I don't feel like it would work with YDD. I talked to DH and he's not on board with going in when she wakes. I guess we're going to need to have another talk.

Woah, what does he mean by "not on board"??

My kid was much like yours, and even now at three years old he wakes up several times a night. Without help from DH I wouldn't have been able to get a single full nights sleep in over three years. That is not a recipe for happy family.

Their his kids too. And you deserve some sleep. I hope there is a compromise in your future. I agree that night weaning would be a big help, but I have known few women who could do so without help from someone without lactating boobs.

I'm sorry that sounds really hard.

[chickabiddy]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl Woah, what does he mean by "not on board"?? My kid was much like yours, and even now at three years old he wakes up several times a night. Without help from DH I wouldn't have been able to get a single full nights sleep in over three years. That is not a recipe for happy family. Their his kids too. And you deserve some sleep. I hope there is a compromise in your future. I agree that night weaning would be a big help, but I have known few women who could do so without help from someone without lactating boobs. I'm sorry that sounds really hard.

It's really frustrating. He works a lot at night, and he feels like his work time can't be interrupted. I think if I have a longer talk with him I can convince him to try. He just doesn't understand why I don't want to let her cry.

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by chickabiddy It's really frustrating. He works a lot at night, and he feels like his work time can't be interrupted. I think if I have a longer talk with him I can convince him to try. He just doesn't understand why I don't want to let her cry.

I hope you can convince him. Approach it like a mental health issue (because it is, really). That by sacrificing some work time he is helping his family stay sane and functional. That is why they call it work/life balance.

Would it help to have him read some lit on sleep and babies/toddlers? Or at least tell him CIO is off the table until he does some reading?

[DottieHarley]

Originally Posted by chickabiddy Unless I hold her, she rarely naps for more than 30 minutes.

Oh mama... Btdt and it is ROUGH! You really need to get some sleep, pls dont feel bad about that. A crazy sleep deprived mama benefits nobody.
When DD was about 9 mos we were at the same point and she totally ruined our first vacay (well that and teething and constipation but anyway). We did a modified version of pantley and kim west combined and it was magical.
Basically I would nurse her to sleep, then "not again until x time.". I started out that I would nurse her the first time (and every time thereafter) she woke after midnite. Any wakings before midnite were handled by DH. At first he would be in there rocking singing etc for like an hour. Once she was sleeping past midnite (and we were reassured that we werent starving her, breaking her heart, etc) I moved the first nursing to 1, 2, 3 etc. basically she was sllowed to cry, but not by herself alone in the sark... Someone would always RESPOND, but not necessarily in the way that she desired
The big thing us that you need dh on board for this to truly work. You could do it on your own but would probably be much much harder
Once we got the nite nursing under control, we worked on not nursing to sleep. She was still nursing, but I wasnt rocking her fir an hour til she was sound asleep. Finished nursing? To bed with you! Again, it was a very modified version of kim west and it took time. GL mama lots of

[mrseum]

I didn't read everything.. But my kids are similar. Ds1 barely ate... I thought if I night weaned he'd eat more & sleep better. Not to mention I had to because I was 4 months Preg & done!! I gave him a zippy of water at night. It too me exhausted months of walking him a night & not giving him in to get him to sleep without nursing but he still woke up! he's just he kind of kiddo that woke often & needed me. Even know there at nights he wakes up a handful of
Times. With ds2 he's 14
Months. There was a period of time where he slept 20-30 mins of every hr each night. We discovered he has food allergies. He still nurses; but we cosleep with big brother. He's up quite a few times during the night o nurse & I will wake some nights feeling untested (& bear-ish!) but I feel like I need
To wait until he can better understand what is going on when we wean. Plus I'm not sure he's my last... I know it's not helpful- but you have to know weaning dent automatically guarantee that they are going to stop walk g & wanting g you at night; especially if lo is strong willed.

[mrseum]

Originally Posted by mrseum I didn't read everything.. But my kids are similar. Ds1 barely ate... I thought if I night weaned he'd eat more & sleep better. Not to mention I had to because I was 4 months Preg & done!! I gave him a zippy of water at night. It too me exhausted months of walking him a night & not giving him in to get him to sleep without nursing but he still woke up! he's just he kind of kiddo that woke often & needed me. Even know there at nights he wakes up a handful of Times. With ds2 he's 14 Months. There was a period of time where he slept 20-30 mins of every hr each night. We discovered he has food allergies. He still nurses; but we cosleep with big brother. He's up quite a few times during the night o nurse & I will wake some nights feeling untested (& bear-ish!) but I feel like I need To wait until he can better understand what is going on when we wean. Plus I'm not sure he's my last... I know it's not helpful- but you have to know weaning dent automatically guarantee that they are going to stop walk g & wanting g you at night; especially if lo is strong willed.

Waking & wanting you! Darned iPhone errors.
Sorry!