Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-18-2012, 05:03 PM   #1
lil Roos mama Bear's Avatar
lil Roos mama Bear
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 136
Advice on how to get over a fear.

I've only given Birth once and it was not a good experience at all (I'll leave my Birth story in the first comment if you want to read it before giving advice) mainly due to they horrible care I was given. My pregnancy wasn't a piece of cake either. Our son will be 2 the end of Oct and we had hopped I would get over this fear by now but I haven't. I really want a baby #2 and so does my husband however I'm terrified I won't be able to care for my son while pregnant and that the birth will be as scary and confusing as last time. My husband is fantastic and great with our son so the fear of pregnancy is dying down however the fear of going through the same birth story again stops me and I don't feel confident I can handle it. Any advice would greatly help.
Thank You,
Brianna

Advertisement

__________________
Brianna Happily Married to Brian
Proud Stay at Home Mama to Leo (10/10)
Addicted to CDing and BWing
ISO: Board and fabric books, fitted diapers, and table cloth wraps/ring slings.
lil Roos mama Bear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 05:38 PM   #2
lil Roos mama Bear's Avatar
lil Roos mama Bear
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 136
Re: Advice on how to get over a fear.

Pregnancy:
My pregnancy wasn't the best. I had a hard time keeping things down to the point that many times I was told I could lose my son if I didn't gain some weight. We found out in my 2nd trimester that I had Partial Placenta Previa and was told many times if I didn't behave I would lose him also. Mainly it was stressful being sick for 9 months and worrying constantly if I was going to miscarriage. Luckily my we made it full term and my placenta moved a few weeks before delivery.
D's Birth story:
I started have strong contractions during the afternoon on Saturday. They started getting regular Saturday Evening. I was too uncomfortable to sleep and the only comfortable positions I could find were on my exercise ball so my husband slept on the couch while I changed positions on the ball. Late morning on Sunday my contractions were very regular and we headed to the hospital. after an hour in the triage they sent me home because I was only 2 cm dilated. We went home until Sunday Evening when I too uncomfortable to labor at home anymore. I still had not slept and knew I needed rest. However my contractions were regular and painful so I was done. We went back to the triage where they told me I was still at 2 cm and would need a Dr. to sign me in. They wouldn't call my doctor so we waited over an hour for the on call dr. to arrive. I got me epidural and finally slept for 2 hours. The nurse came in and told me I was dilated to a 6 and the dr would be in to break my water. He came in 30 mins later and without looking at me once told me what to do. He broke my water and left quickly. 2 hrs later I was fully dilated and The nurse cam in with the dr. to deliver our son. It is 11 PM on Saturday and the Dr. still won't look at me. He told me to push in between chatting with the nurse. After a few pushes my sister say wow I can see his head, How cool. However 30 min later he still hasn't come. The Dr. decided I must not be fully dilated so he leaves and a nurse comes back and starts messing with my IV and leaves again. After an hr. I can feel my contractions and they are pretty close together. I paged a nurse who told me they turned down my epidural and gave me some medicine to make my contractions closer together in hopes of helping me dilate more. I only saw a nurse 2 more times before my dr came in at 6 AM Monday to inform me I have been crowning for too long and we needed to do an emergency C-section. But before we take you to get prepped I'm going to check you. While down there she makes a strange face and tells me we are delivering this baby. He is stuck because He came down facing my hip. My Dr got prepped and turned me on my side and little D was born at 6:15 AM.
Our hospital stay was from Saturday to Friday due to me being so swollen down there they couldn't take the catheter out. My dr came in many times to apologize for the stupidity of the staff around me for not catching it sooner.

The whole time we were there I had no one to help me know what was going on. My husband's mom just kept quiet because we told her she would have to leave if she said anything about Home birth one more time. My Mom was there but she was just ranting that the staff was horrible and making me even more scared about how freaked out she was. My husband is trying to be helpful but neither of us know what is going on or wrong. We attended a birthing class which did not help us feel more prepared at all more scared about all the things that could go wrong and it was too late to get into any other classes. All around I felt alone, scare, unprepared and confused. It was the worst feeling I've ever had.

Our stay wasn't great either. a nurse came in and gave my son a shot after I told her not to and didn't tell me what it was. It took them 15 minuets to figure out that it was a vitamin K Shot. I had an allergic reaction to one of the Medicine they gave me but they had me on so much they couldn't tell me what I was allergic to so they changed all of it. My reaction got worse instead of better so they changed it all again. I still have no idea what gave me hives everywhere.

I was told by my Dr. that if she had been there my son would have been born the night before because it was the lack of care from the staff that cause everything to go wrong and go on for so long. I do not want to go through that every again but I'm starting to realize I may just need to find a way for me to feel supported, comfortable, and confidant about the next birth. I'm just not sure where to go from here. We aren't ever going back to that hospital we will be leaving and going to one of the near by hospitals. I couldn't be comfortable there again after the first time.
__________________
Brianna Happily Married to Brian
Proud Stay at Home Mama to Leo (10/10)
Addicted to CDing and BWing
ISO: Board and fabric books, fitted diapers, and table cloth wraps/ring slings.
lil Roos mama Bear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 05:50 PM   #3
keen1981's Avatar
keen1981
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 12,360
My first birth story was like that. Horrid. It was partly my fault. Not asserting myself and knowing MY rights. And I swore it would never happen again. The nurses also belittled me and made me feel self conscious about everything.

My avatar is my SECOND birth. The most amazing, empowering, memorable moment in my
Life. Hurt like hell but was beyond worth it. I was home 4 hours after birth....

My first birth may have been pain free during the birth BUT I live with that emotional pain, everyday. My natural birth was temporary pain for a lifetime of gain.
__________________
BFing, CDing, all natural mama to three boys! Certified lactation Counselor
keen1981 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 06:49 PM   #4
Happy Mommax4's Avatar
Happy Mommax4
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: In a van down by the river
Posts: 1,502
My Mood:
Well said keen, I to had a horrid birth with DS2, our 4th and final. Mostly dt not asserting myself but also horrid nursing care.

No advice just hugs, again great point about the emotional pain, I try not to think of my sons birth, horrible rt?
__________________
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
Dalai Lama
Happy Mommax4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 06:54 PM   #5
Hope4More's Avatar
Hope4More
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: In the land of Crazy
Posts: 5,194
My Mood:
I had a horrible birth that raged on for 32 hours, having to start and stop labor several times to decelerated heart rate of baby, he got stuck, no one cared, and only after I begged my husband that if he loved me enough he'd kill me and him screaming through tears that baby and i were dying (which I still believe to this day) did the oncall doc from my clinic take me in for emergency c-sec. when MY doc saw me the next day he told me it went horribly askew and ds should have been taken the first time his heart rate dipped. I had PTSD for a year, and tremored horribly anytime I discussed my birth.

I will be scheduling a c-sec with MY doc the second time around. With the tectonic contractions, lowered heart rates, and high blood pressure I experienced with labor, combined with a baby that would fit, I feel comfortable with this call. I think this next delivery will be much more peaceful. Maybe not as peaceful as a water birth in my home, but a heck of a lot more peaceful than last.
__________________
Wife, WAHM, born-again Christian, proud mommy to my loving, energetic son (4) and blessed, miracle daughter
God gave us our RAINBOW baby !
I WILL WARRIOR ON... This mama misses her three baby angels (10.19) (1.29) (4.18)
I have given my cross to Jesus, who has a special talent for overcoming them, even if it means giving His own life...
Hope4More is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 07:27 PM   #6
dani_p's Avatar
dani_p
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Worcester, MA
Posts: 327
Re: Advice on how to get over a fear.

So sorry you had such a bad experience!

Fear (especially surrounding pregnancy and labor) is about feeling helpless and out of control. To get over your fear, you must take control.

That means doing your research, making a plan, and following through: look into dietary and lifestyle changes to reduce morning sickness, consider your prenatal testing carefully and avoid anything that will cause unnecessary stress, choose your care provider thoughtfully (OB, CNM, or midwife), choose your birth location thoughtfully, etc. Become an expert on all things pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Like they say, knowledge is power! Once you know everything there is to know, plan every little detail. Make sure everyone is on the same page. Finally, follow through with confidence.

Unfortunately, this is one of those things you can't back out of once you've started... kinda like skydiving, you can't change your mind after you're out of the plane!

Lastly, if the fear is really holding you back, you may want to talk to a professional about it. They may be able to help you sort through the details so that you can move past this. Good luck!
dani_p is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 07:28 PM   #7
dani_p's Avatar
dani_p
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Worcester, MA
Posts: 327
Re: Advice on how to get over a fear.

I forgot to mention one thing: HIRE A DOULA!
dani_p is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 07:49 PM   #8
keen1981's Avatar
keen1981
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 12,360
Quote:
Originally Posted by dani_p
I forgot to mention one thing: HIRE A DOULA!
Yes!!!!!!

I did not have a doula, but I had a close friend, who had a natural birth herself. She was my ROCK. DH?? My 'you know what' boy. Lol! Anytime I couldn't take the pain, I would rage on him. Lol!! He knew his job was to take it though. While my friend was calm and assertive.

I remember saying 'I can't do this. I can't!!' in the middle of contractions. She would say 'you ARE doing this Jesi. Right now.'

I also did not go to the birthing center until I was completely unable to talk or walk they contractions. That meant the party was really started and not gonna end!
__________________
BFing, CDing, all natural mama to three boys! Certified lactation Counselor
keen1981 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 07:50 PM   #9
newmommy13's Avatar
newmommy13
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,750
There is a thread in pregnancy about birth trauma with some info for coping. 4 years later and I'm still terrified so I can't give advice but just know that you are not alone. Soooo many women are treated poorly by their birth attendants whether they give birth with a mw or ob. I'm so sorry this happened to you. My birth has.changed the course of my life forever but up until recently I viewed it as strictly a tragedy when now I see my life has purpose beyond pregnancy and birth. There is more than one way to grow a family.
__________________
I, mama to dd A (3-08) dfs J (10/11) and in love with newbie dfd N! (10/13)
hopeful pre-adoptive foster family
newmommy13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.