Changing visitation schedule?

[Hillargh]

In my state, if you have reasonable ability to work (not disabled, not caring for a disabled family member, etc) they assume your projected possible income to be federal minimum wage (7.25/hr) and it's taken into account for child support. They also use that figure in conjunction with time spent for caring for the child to adjust what percentage of care is required. For example, as CP I am accountable for 40%ish of DS1's financial care (as I've been deemed able to work until I have the proper documentation on DS's medical issues filed, and being unemployed my wage is assumed to be 7.25/hr as previously stated), and ex is accountable for 60%ish. Then that is taken into account with ex's wages and the CS guidelines for deduction amounts.

Does that make sense?

Mine is through the state, so ex is required to notify the state of any wage increase or decrease. I'm not sure how that works for situations like your DH's if his was through divorce and family court, though. But if his pay increases, and she wants mote CS and is within her time frame for reassessment (here you can only request reassessment of amount every 3yrs), she can file for a change. Whether or not it goes up or down depends on a lot of factors, but a significant increase in pay and decrease in visitation would likely end in CS increase.

Without an agreeable mediation I believe your only option is court.

If she is indeed on drugs, and you have to go to court anyway, I would discuss options with a lawyer on what can be done. The court may want her to drug test if the accusation is deemed credible. I would not threaten her with it (or with anything as it looks poorly on your DH) so that she doesn't have the chance to possibly avoid testing positive. They may also want to involve DFACS. If it truly is an issue she has, it should be addressed regardless of visitation and CS.

I'm sorry you're having difficulty, and I hope things somehow go smoothly for your family

ETA: Also, find out about the laws in your state regarding child age and choice of placement. I'm not sure what exactly your DH ending up losing in terms of custody (legal or physical) or his rights, but here, once you're 14 you are allowed to choose who you want to live with and the judge takes it into consideration. It usually ends up going the way of the child's wants barring any reasons that would conflict with it being in their best interest. They also include their opinions on visitation (for things like summer and breaks) as well.

So that may be something you want to look at if your DH and DSS are both on the same page as far as time together goes.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using DS Forum

[gemgirlred]

You said that she had worked before and quit. If she has a degree and/or past history of working the court will consider her underemployed and they can base her income on previous employment and current pay for that career in your area. I think it is called imputing wages?

[erkelly]

Yea we went through family court, so there's nothing in our court order stating we have to notify anyone of wage changes.

And I don't think she's currently on anything. She has been arrested before for possession of meth though. Actually at our first court hearing, the judge had to excuse himself from the case because he realized he was the one who represented her in court on those charges. The next judge a few months later, I swear he slept through the whole thing. He heard her admit she was arrested for meth, she moved a druggie into their home with their son while DH was deployed in Korea, and that she was still going to prison to visit him. And even during our year long court case, he got out of prison and went back and lived with them. Even after hearing everything she's done, and then hearing that DH has an impeccable record and has served 17 years in the military...he still granted full custody to her. BUT...her family is close to the congressman. I think there was fishy stuff going on. But the state said we couldn't be heard in a different county unless we lived there. We have lived in a different county for 10 months now, but haven't been able to afford to hire another lawyer.

In Alabama, the child can choose who he wants to live with at any age, as long as they are mature reasons. DSS was never asked, but I do think he would have said his mom if he was. He always feels like he has to protect her. When he's away, he calls her constantly to check up on her. It's not healthy. He doesn't do it so much now though, she recently remarried and had a baby. Strangely enough, he told MIL that they don't let him have anything to do with the baby. Won't even let him hold her. I hope there isn't any kind of thing like step father not treating him as he would his own child. We will ask him though, now that he's 3 years older and a lot has changed, if he has any interest in moving with us. We may be moving north, and he often states he'd rather live up north. That would be amazing if he did.

We currently pay 85% of the projected cost of the child, and his mom pays the other 15%. Not the case though, since she just lives off what we pay and the government. Her new husband doesn't work either. So us and the tax payers are paying for their little family of 4 to not work, living in the house and driving the car that she got from DH in their divorce. Talk about a manipulative *%#^*#%.

We've been out of court almost 2 years now, so if she can't request to reassess it but every 3 years, it'll be another 16 months then. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with paying CS, I just wish we could pay our step son directly rather than through her. Barely any of that money ever gets spent on him...I'd rather not pay her a ton more money to continue to sit on her behind. It will really be a reality shock to her once he turns 18 and her paycheck quits rolling in. Oh that'll be the day ;o)

Also, through my searches I haven't found anything. I think it's ridiculous that you can't switch custody over someone knowingly causing harm to the child. She chain smokes in their house and in their car. DSS has bad asthma and constantly gets pneumonia and bronchitis, and there's no guessing what it's caused by. Her 2nd hand smoke! Even as an infant he started having problems and DH was young and had no idea it could harm him. The moment the doctor said that, he quit smoking around him and didn't let anyone else either. When they divorced though, suddenly his problems came back...she started smoking in their house again! Ugh I just feel so bad...when we pick him up I can barely breathe. He just reeks.

[chickabiddy]

I would talk to a lawyer ASAP. I know it's expensive, but no one can navigate this stuff alone. As a lawyer I would hire a lawyer if I had a custody dispute. I would take out a loan if needed.

Is it possible for you to have a portion of the CS held in trust for DSS? He could use it for college someday or to buy a car, etc.

ETA: Congratulations on your new baby!

[mcpforever]

If you can all agree on it, write it up with the help of an attorney, and file it uncontested, you don't have to go to court.

If she feels more protected going the mediation route, you could do that, but it's pricier as you pay the mediator by the hour (along with your attorney), nothing is guaranteed, and anything that happens during mediation is not admissable in court. I went through a failed attempt this spring.

Court is the last resort and it will really depend on how much she wants to fight it as to how big of a deal it will be.

In this case, she has the upper hand. You are the ones moving and changing the status quo and thus causing the need for visitation changes. If I was in the position, I would absolutely recalculate child support based on the new income, as that is the fair and honest thing to do on your end-regardless of what she is doing on hers. If nothing else, it would make the change in visitation go over more smoothly. Just base it on what her income was/would likely be.

As for actual visitation, I agree with splitting Christmas break and alternating the split so that Christmas day is alternated. I think that you should pair up spring break and all of Thanksgiving break (Wed-Sunday) and alternate those. The years you have him for T break, she has him for spring and vice versa. Summer time has been expanded for the state of AL for the next 2 years. I'd look at doing 6weeks of summer vacation with the stipulation that it would default to 4 weeks if the current legislation isn't renewed after it expires in 2 years. Consider breaking it up into 2 or 3 week sessions?

[erkelly]

Originally Posted by chickabiddy I would talk to a lawyer ASAP. I know it's expensive, but no one can navigate this stuff alone. As a lawyer I would hire a lawyer if I had a custody dispute. I would take out a loan if needed. Is it possible for you to have a portion of the CS held in trust for DSS? He could use it for college someday or to buy a car, etc. ETA: Congratulations on your new baby!

We recently paid off our loan for our last lawyer lol. And can that be done? Holding some CS money in a trust? Do judges ever agree to that? And thank you! I'm loving this sweet baby ;o)

Also, we were going to have to try to redo visitation anyways. DSS is in marching band this year, and will have to play for the football games on Friday and Saturday's. So we'd lose a lot of time that the court order says we can make up. Actually redoing the visitation needed to be done anyways, so that way he wouldn't have to come for a day here and there and make up a day here and there. That would get annoying for everyone involved in a hurry.

[chickabiddy]

I haven't ever seen CS held in trust, but I would try. I think it would be hard to argue that CS should be reduced and it would honestly make you look crappy. But there is no way money that was ordered for DSS should go to support her and her meth head BF. It sounds like she's stealing from her own son.

I would ask her to provide expenses for DSS. If they don't add up to what you're paying ask that the difference be held in trust and administered by someone all parties trust. She can ask for and get money if it's needed.

I hate that lawyers are so expensive and it sounds like your last didn't do a great job.

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by erkelly We recently paid off our loan for our last lawyer lol. And can that be done? Holding some CS money in a trust? Do judges ever agree to that? And thank you! I'm loving this sweet baby ;o) Also, we were going to have to try to redo visitation anyways. DSS is in marching band this year, and will have to play for the football games on Friday and Saturday's. So we'd lose a lot of time that the court order says we can make up. Actually redoing the visitation needed to be done anyways, so that way he wouldn't have to come for a day here and there and make up a day here and there. That would get annoying for everyone involved in a hurry.

I don't understand the bolded. Why do those days need to be made up? You're talking about a few hours that don't actually "belong" to either parent; they belong to DSS and the band in the same way that attending a youth group when your family goes to church on Sunday. Could you not attend with him on those days?

[erkelly]

Originally Posted by chickabiddy I haven't ever seen CS held in trust, but I would try. I think it would be hard to argue that CS should be reduced and it would honestly make you look crappy. But there is no way money that was ordered for DSS should go to support her and her meth head BF. It sounds like she's stealing from her own son. I would ask her to provide expenses for DSS. If they don't add up to what you're paying ask that the difference be held in trust and administered by someone all parties trust. She can ask for and get money if it's needed. I hate that lawyers are so expensive and it sounds like your last didn't do a great job.

Oh I'm not wanting CS to go down, I was just wondering if she could request to get it revised to make it go up.

Originally Posted by mcpforever I don't understand the bolded. Why do those days need to be made up? You're talking about a few hours that don't actually "belong" to either parent; they belong to DSS and the band in the same way that attending a youth group when your family goes to church on Sunday. Could you not attend with him on those days?

Our court order states that if the NCP loses visitation due to illness or activities of DSS, the NCP is allowed to make up lost time on the following weekend. We also currently live 1 1/2 hours away from DSS, so we aren't able to attend every game/practice as it is, so we do lose time.

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by erkelly Oh I'm not wanting CS to go down, I was just wondering if she could request to get it revised to make it go up. Our court order states that if the NCP loses visitation due to illness or activities of DSS, the NCP is allowed to make up lost time on the following weekend. We also currently live 1 1/2 hours away from DSS, so we aren't able to attend every game/practice as it is, so we do lose time.

I think she can force it after a certain amount of time has passed. I seem to remember it being ok to have it recalculated every 2 years? She can always request it though and if I were her, I'd take the modification of visitation as an opportunity to update CS as well so you only have to file for one modification.

Knowing how far you live now, the second paragraph makes sense.