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Old 08-21-2012, 03:01 PM   #21
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Re: custody

I am not a part of your due date group, but I saw this thread and wanted to give you some advice based on my experiences helping my sister who also had a baby with a guy who wanted nothing to do with her or the baby (and they also weren't married).

If you want him to take responsibility for the child and pay child support. You will definitely have to put him on the birth certificate. Since you are not married, in order to put him on the birth certificate, one of two things would need to happen. 1. He would willingly sign off a declaration of paternity stating that he is the father. It sounds as though he may not be willing to do this. And if not you'd have to go through the second route which is 2. After the baby is born, file with family court for a DNA paternity test. Once the test is done and he matches as baby's father, they will put him on the birth certificate and then you can file a motion for custody, visitation, and child support.

Your state's court will work with his state's court for the paternity test. All other matters (custody, visitation, etc...) will be taken care of by your state's court and he would have to travel there if he want to represent his side. And when it comes to child support, the child support enforcement agency in your state will work with the child support enforcement agency in his state to collect whatever amount you are awarded every month. They can take it directly from his paychecks and send it to you if that is what ends up having to happen.

I would definitely suggest finding a free or low-cost law center in your area. A lot of time the courts themselves have "Family Law Centers" in which you can get legal aide. If you go now and tell them the situation, they can tell you what you need to do as soon as the baby is born. You can pickup the forms and have them ready to go so you can fill them out as soon as possible after the baby is born, as well.

Hope that helps!


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Last edited by AcrossTheUniverse; 08-21-2012 at 03:04 PM.
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Old 08-21-2012, 04:04 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by loveramongstars
What if I don't have his e-mail or physical address and am afraid he blocked my number and I know he won't answer my facebook messages.

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If he makes an attempt to disappear then his state will put a bench warrant out for his arrest.
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Old 08-21-2012, 05:38 PM   #23
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He basically disappeared from me. He told me that once I left Florida, I should make him dead to me.

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Old 08-21-2012, 07:11 PM   #24
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Re: custody

I can't tell... have you decided if you want to involve him or not? If it's the former, then the legal route seems like the only one to go and you should seek counsel as soon as you can. Or if it's the latter, just don't list him on the birth certificate. I know emotionally it won't be an easy decision but those seem to be your options at the moment unless he has a change of heart.
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Old 08-27-2012, 07:25 AM   #25
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Since you are not married, in tx he has to sign and notorize paperwork that states that he knows he's the father, otherwise he can not be put on the bc.

This is what my dh had to do before we got married.

When you get a dna test done his name can be added though.

I also have a 9.5 yrold son, his bio wanted nothing to do with him. I chose to not file for cs, or try to put him on ds's bc. He has never tried to contact my son.
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Old 09-01-2012, 02:59 PM   #26
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Re: custody

Is it really worth trying to force him to be "daddy" and pay child support when he's made it very clear he doesn't want to be involved? As PPs have said there's no guarantee you'll actually get that few hundred dollars a month, and if he does pay and at some point decides to be involved in the child's life, you'll likely have to send your child off to another state for a couple months every year with someone that you really don't know at all anymore. The kids I know whose parents live in different states have to go visit for a week at Christmas and 6 weeks during the summer. It's your choice, but carefully consider the possible long-term ramifications before you make the decision.
Tired mama to Miss Bookworm (9), Mister Tornado (6), Monkey Boy (4), and Little Mischief (almost 2).
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