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Old 08-04-2012, 06:58 PM   #1
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Med-Free Birthers I want opinions!

With my DD I used a midwife run hospital based birth center. I had an AMAZING birth med-free birth experience, everything I wanted. The center is 1 hour and 15 minutes from where I live. With no children to worry about that drive was no problem.
Being pregnant with #2 I decided to use a closer midwife group, 45 minute drive, but they deliver in a standard hospital setting. I have toured the hospital and talked with a couple L&D nurses who were very nice and open to natural birth although they admitted they don't tend to see too many. Two of the midwifes from this group also work at the group where I delivered DD and they both said that I should be find delivering in the hospital because I have done this before.
Now I have my birth plan and the midwifes say it will be fine, but deep down I feel doubt. I know doubt during a med-free birth can cause major hang-ups. I had zero doubt with DD.
The main reason I am choosing the closer group is because I want DD to be able to come to the hospital for a little while and then be able to leave when she gets bored, she will be 2 years 3 months when the baby arrives. It will be easier to find someone willing to bring her for a little while if we are closer to home.
Will I be killed with mother guilt if she I chose the farther away group and she does not get to see the baby until we get home a few days later? Since I trust my midwife completely and I am just uncertain about delivering in a hospital do you think it will not be a factor once I am in labor and supported by my midwife?

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Old 08-04-2012, 07:03 PM   #2
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Re: Med-Free Birthers I want opinions!

I wouldn't worry about when DD got to see the baby. I don't honestly think it'll make a big difference. You can send her a picture or a little video of the baby or something. She's 2, in reality, it'll be mostly your hangup over her feelings, KWIM? She probably won't even care if she has to wait. She has no idea the length of time to bring a baby into the world.

And honestly, my hospital midwife birth was TONS different than my homebirths.
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Old 08-04-2012, 07:08 PM   #3
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Re: Med-Free Birthers I want opinions!

That's tricky...I'm not sure that I'd base my decision on where to give birth just on whether or not my daughter would be able to see the baby right after birth. You have the whole rest of their lives for them to be together.
The distance to the birth center would be a much bigger concern for me. How long was your last labor? My second was so fast that we never would have made it to something that was that far away.

My daughter was almost the same age as yours will be when my son was born. I don't think it would have been a big deal if she didn't see him right after. We had a home birth, though, so she did get to see him really soon. I really didn't like being in the hospital, so I can understand wanting to go back to the birth center and avoid the hospital. Tough decision..
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Old 08-04-2012, 07:17 PM   #4
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Re: Med-Free Birthers I want opinions!

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The distance to the birth center would be a much bigger concern for me. How long was your last labor? My second was so fast that we never would have made it to something that was that far away.
I am not too worried about distance...I was in labor for 9 hours with DD then I had a 3 hour push so a little over 12 hours total. DD was "sunny-side up" hence the long push and I am hoping this baby presents "normally" but I don't expect a quick labor by any means. We live rurally so the nearest hospital is 25 minutes (w/traffic) and the midwifes hospital is 45 w/traffic no traffic 30 mins. I went into labor with DD in the middle of the night so we made it to the birth center in 55 minutes, but I just never know when I will go into labor, hopefully not rush hour.
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Old 08-04-2012, 07:23 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly3139

I am not too worried about distance...I was in labor for 9 hours with DD then I had a 3 hour push so a little over 12 hours total. DD was "sunny-side up" hence the long push and I am hoping this baby presents "normally" but I don't expect a quick labor by any means. We live rurally so the nearest hospital is 25 minutes (w/traffic) and the midwifes hospital is 45 w/traffic no traffic 30 mins. I went into labor with DD in the middle of the night so we made it to the birth center in 55 minutes, but I just never know when I will go into labor, hopefully not rush hour.
my first was 15 hrs because she was posterior. my second was just over two hours lol. 9 hrs is pretty short considering it was your firsts and posterior. you ned to birth where you will feel most comfortable. if thats at the center, ids tgere someone who could go with you and watch your dd at the birth center?

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Old 08-04-2012, 07:26 PM   #6
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Re: Med-Free Birthers I want opinions!

I agree with everyone else. Since you aren't worried about the fast labor, I would probably choose the group and hospital you went with the first time. You are familiar with them and you have more confidence in achieving a natural birth with them. I wouldn't worry about your DD being there or her not seeing the baby for a few days. In reality, when you are in labor, it might be more of a distraction to have her around (especially in a hospital setting and not at home where she could kind of do her own thing). And as many PPs mentioned, she won't even know the difference if she sees the baby 1 hour after birth or 2 days after birth. You shouldn't feel guilty about it at all!
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Old 08-04-2012, 07:29 PM   #7
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Re: Med-Free Birthers I want opinions!

i had two hospital (doctor delivered, no midwife, husband coached) births. both drug free. with the first, i had doubts in transition that i could get thru it. with the second i didnt have time to even THINK about drugs. you should consider time. even if your first was slow.

my first i was in the hospital about 2hrs. my second about an hour and 15mins. everyone had told me my second labor/birth would be much faster. i didn't believe them bc i had labored in the tub with my first and i thought surely that was why i went so fast. WRONG. when i got to the hospital with my second, i was 5.5cms. i was pushing an hour later.

my son was 2.5 when DD was born. when my mom brought him up to the room he hid. it made me soooo sad at the time but i didn't push it or pressure him into the big family pic. in fact we really have no pics of us all together in the hospital bc he was SO nervous. (i think me being in the bed really upset him bc that is not something he ever really sees--we don't cosleep or lounge in our bedrooms). i do not regret not having those pics bc he wasn't ready. you never know how they are going to react to a hospital type setting. i would take your DD out of the equation where it relates to which center to choose. i missed DS horribly when i was in the hospital. but it was 48hrs. it was our first time apart overnight. but looking back now 5 months later, it really was a tiny window of time.

in the end, the biggest advice: go with your gut.
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Old 08-04-2012, 07:45 PM   #8
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When my 2nd 3rd and 4th were born my youngest ones were just under 2 and just 3.

First to answer you I would go with the group you feel confident with. Your comfort makes a big difference.

My first was a hospital birth with MWs. I was 17 hrs and ended up with an epi after 12 hours even though I was adamant about not getting one.

It was Ok but not wonderful.

My second was born at home about 55 minutes after I realized I was in labor. Younger one was present.

3rd and 4th also home births with other kids present.

Would it be possible to rent a room close to the birth center? That way someone could stay there with your Dd.
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Old 08-05-2012, 07:00 AM   #9
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Re: Med-Free Birthers I want opinions!

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i missed DS horribly when i was in the hospital. but it was 48hrs. it was our first time apart overnight. but looking back now 5 months later, it really was a tiny window of time.

in the end, the biggest advice: go with your gut.
This is it! it is not that I am worried about DD not seeing the baby right away it is that I am afraid I am going to feel so guilty about leaving her for a few days and coming home with a new baby. Because I know she does not really understand that I am having a baby and what that means. I thought if she came to the hospital and saw the baby a few times before we came home that the transition into another child would be easier. But now that I am really thinking about it seeing me in the hospital and Daddy with me then having to leave with Grandma may just make things harder because she has never spent the night without us.

After all of you ladies wonderful advice I think the best decision is that DD can get a mini vacation with grandma and meet the baby when we come home. I know we also need to let her spend a few nights away from home before the baby comes just so she can practice
Although now you all did make me aware about having a fast labor the second time around. Let just hope the flight or flight instincts kick in and I don't give birth in the car!
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Old 08-05-2012, 07:27 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Kelly3139

This is it! it is not that I am worried about DD not seeing the baby right away it is that I am afraid I am going to feel so guilty about leaving her for a few days and coming home with a new baby. Because I know she does not really understand that I am having a baby and what that means. I thought if she came to the hospital and saw the baby a few times before we came home that the transition into another child would be easier. But now that I am really thinking about it seeing me in the hospital and Daddy with me then having to leave with Grandma may just make things harder because she has never spent the night without us.
You are right. She probably wont understand and yes, on some level, it is unfair. But in the bigger scheme of things, a sibling is such a big gift. It will be hard for her (and you) but she will be busy playing with gramma and you will be verrrry busy lol. And those first moments with the new baby are so crucial for bonding, warding off post partum depression, and for success with breastfeeding (if you want to bf).

My son is super close to my mom so he had a great time with her. But we did have her stay with him at our house when we were gone...so he wouldnt feel out of sorts without his toys, his bed, etc.

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