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Old 08-20-2012, 09:13 AM   #11
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

Just because you work doesn't mean you don't have balance in your life.

I work because I bring in the majority of the income in my family. DH just restarted his career and only just finished an internship last year. I think between DH and me, we have a good balance of work and time with DD. Mornings aren't rushed because DH starts late. Evenings aren't hetic because I don't get off work too late. If you want to talk extremes and lack of balance, there's my sister. She is a SAHM of two kids and her husband often works 12 hour days 6-7 days a week. If he's lucky, he gets home in time to kiss the kids goodnight. My sis rarely ever gets time to herself.

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Old 08-20-2012, 09:21 AM   #12
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

I love staying home but I also would love to be able to add to our income and have more adult interaction. When I was working full time before DS was born I made about $550 every two weeks. DD's childcare cost was $75, and DS was going to add another $135 to that. After we paid her and paid the extra lunches, uniforms, and gas for me to work I was literally making nothing. So, if were to say working is not worth it to me, I mean financially because it adds nothing to our income. I would never judge a mother for doing what is best for her family. Shoot, I am jealous that you have a job that pays you well enough to be able to afford daycare and still make something on top of it! I have a college degree and it makes me sick that it is pretty useless.
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Old 08-20-2012, 09:58 AM   #13
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

I am sorry you are not receiving more support in your choice, thats hard no matter what the choice is.

The grass isnt greener on the other side of the fence though....no matter what moms choose, there are haters out there. I work from home and get my own onslaught of rude comments. SAHMs that dont understand the level of responsibility I have here and the lack of flexibility.....WOHMs that look down on my choice as well.
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Old 08-20-2012, 10:36 AM   #14
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

I think people just need to be educated. I know I've become less judgemental as people take the time to explain things to me.

I guess I'd rather have someone gently put me in my place than lose a friend just because I'm stupid.
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Old 08-20-2012, 11:39 AM   #15
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

I have been the primary bread winner for the last 4 years as my husband completed his Bachelors and then his Masters. He was able to stay home with DD while she was little and then she was in part time school (until 12pm) last year 2-3 days a week. DD is 2.5 y/o now and just started full time school as my husband got a job! I am expecting DS in November and plan to enroll him in full time school as a 2 month old infant.

I sometimes wish I could quit my job and stay home with DS and give him the same start that DD had. But I love our school (I went there as a kid!!) and I feel very comfortable leaving my children there. Half my income will go to school after we have both kids enrolled. But now that hubby is working, his whole income, plus half of mine means we will live very comfortably. We are ready after struggling the last few years!
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Old 08-20-2012, 11:47 AM   #16
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

I was a SAHM until recently and when I commented about not working due to daycare cost, it was not meant as a dig to the WOHM. It was kind of jealousy in a way for me since it wasn't worth it to me to WOHM and we could have really used additional money. I wouldn't take it as a negative, take it as a compliment that you can afford daycare while working.
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Old 08-20-2012, 11:53 AM   #17
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

I have been lucky to be able to SAHM with Claire, but I have heard all those comments said to my SIL who is a Physical Therapist. It made me so mad at family members for her.

Her simple response was, "I did not go to university for over 7 years to not use my degree, my son is happy in day care and we have multiple student loans to pay off.....so unless you want to pay my loans you have no right to judge my decision" The comments did constantly hurt her feelings though, because most of the family wives are SAHMs and made her feel like a bad parent, heck so did my MIL at times!
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Old 08-20-2012, 11:53 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by hpfgirl
The quick answer is, "my kids love daycare and aren't missing out on anything."

Besides, does your husband feel guilty for not staying home with them? Equality baby!
Totally true - DD runs in in the AM and DH is lucky to get a "bye Dad!". She loves her friends and the fun activities they do.
Plus, she probably appreciates having a roof over her head :shrug:
And yes, DH feels guilty too. His long hours just got longer and he was really sad to lose one of his daddy-daughter mornings.

I get this from my SIL all the time. Before DD she told me to have kids bc "DH couldn't possibly make me keep working" once we did. But she is nuts.
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Old 08-20-2012, 11:53 AM   #19
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

I'm sorry people say things like that out of condescension--I'm a sahm, and like PPs, am a little jealous. Please take that as a compliment!

I wish I'd finished my degree, or had some skills that would pay enough to make it worth it. I would LOVE to be able to have a job that would bring home more than daycare and gas would cost--even if the only benefit was health insurance and we saw little to no cash, it would be worth it for us.
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Old 08-20-2012, 12:13 PM   #20
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nothingtosee View Post
People will always find something to complain about.
I've been on both sides of this, and if you're at home, you're a lazy-good-for-nothing who can't get out of bed to work to support the kids. If you're at work, you obviously don't care enough about your children to give them your attention.

Yup been on both sides. I had to quit earlier than anticipated because of pregnancy complications. I chose not to return to work when it became obvious it was going to cost more to return to work and pay child care than it would cost to stay home.
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