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Old 08-20-2012, 12:03 AM   #1
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My mom yelled at my 3 month old

I mean REALLY?!

My mom was holding my fussy 3 month old today (adjusted age only SIX WEEKS), and he was hungry. He's primarily breastfed, but he needed a bottle... so she took him into the kitchen to prepare it. He was very fussy, arching his back and screaming. Yes, the baby was VERY worked up and being loud. Key word: BABY.
She was doing the usual "oh, calm down Sullivan... it's fine..." type chatter, which is to be expected. Then, I guess he threw his head back and she felt it was "dangerous" behavior, so she yelled, and in a very mean and unpleasant voice, for him to "STOP IT! RIGHT. NOW. SULLIVAN!"

Her tone was vicious, as if she was screaming at a 7 year old to stop poking the family cat in the eye or something.
In no uncertain terms, I told her not to yell at my INFANT for crying because he was hungry. She tried to justify and explain the situation away - even insisted he "wasn't crying" - he was "THROWING A FIT"

No. Sorry. His adjusted age is only six weeks old. He's hungry, frustrated, tired, and doing his best to communicate to you that he's hungry. He is not capable of "throwing a fit" or behaving badly.

If she yells at one of my babies again I'm telling her that's strike two. After that, she's being sent home for the day.
I was livid.

REALLY?!?! Please tell me no one here thinks a child between 6 weeks - 3 months old is capable of throwing a fit, much less having that "fit" corrected by being yelled at!

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Old 08-20-2012, 12:07 AM   #2
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Yeah, she was completely out of line. A tiny BABY should never be yelled at. He was being a baby and trying to voice that he was hungry. Sorry mama!
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Old 08-20-2012, 12:22 AM   #3
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Re: My mom yelled at my 3 month old

When my 6 yr old was only a few months old, my MIL came to visit us (we were stationed in Cali and shes from NY - so no sending her home!) and when my son was crying she called him a "brat." I was livid and will never forget it. Her first grandbaby that she had only spent a total of 3 full days with - how worn down could she have been? Ugh, I am getting upset about it all over again - some people!

I hope you got through to her and she never does it again!
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Old 08-20-2012, 12:24 AM   #4
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Absolutely not He was worked up because he wasn't getting what he needed, it's only natural. "Throwing a fit" implies the child is purposely giving you a hard time. Babies don't GIVE you a hard time, they just HAVE a hard time sometimes.

I'm so sorry she acted like that.

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Old 08-20-2012, 12:53 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AfWife8405
When my 6 yr old was only a few months old, my MIL came to visit us (we were stationed in Cali and shes from NY - so no sending her home!) and when my son was crying she called him a "brat." I was livid and will never forget it. Her first grandbaby that she had only spent a total of 3 full days with - how worn down could she have been? Ugh, I am getting upset about it all over again - some people!

I hope you got through to her and she never does it again!
Sounds like my mom. :-(
She started referring to them as "little S#%ts" early on. It was done "playfully" and in an unthreatening tone, but I still got very upset with her. I have very distinct memories from early hold hood of being referred to in that way. It was, and remains, very hurtful.
My rule is NO calling the babies names, no matter what. If they're never called names "playfully", then it can't slowly slide into cruel name calling when they're older.
If DH wants to call them names playfully, that's his decision; he's their father and has the final word. To everyone else, it's forbidden.

She gets very threatened when I correct her grand-parenting, but I don't ever want unkind and potentially cruel intentions projected on my children by adults in their life who can't rise above and accept innocent (albeit frustrating) behavior that is normal for small children.

I'm very strict like my mother, but I take a very kind and anger-free approach to that strictness.

I don't think my mother knows how to parent without anger though. :sigh: it's going to take a lot of time and work to retrain and guide her into being the wonderful Memaw I know she can be.
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:41 AM   #6
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That is NOT OK I would be sooo upset if someone yelled at my 2.5 yo who does throw fits. Yelling at my
3 month old would bring out the Mother Grizzly in me.
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Old 08-20-2012, 08:11 AM   #7
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Oh that poor baby. :-( And poor you, Mama. :-(

And I have to wonder what sort of parenting she received that makes yelling viciously at any child (especially a preemie!) seem excusable. There is a place for a stern raised voice (when a child is hurting a sibling, about to do something dangerous, or run in the street) but never as a form of correction. Children literally cannot understand to be instructed when they're all worked up (bc of the stress hormones released during a tantrum/screaming) and screaming at them just escalates the situation. :-(

I'd bring it up again now before it happens a second time. You can address it calmly when you're both in a positive mood (if possible) and in a way that preserves her dignity. I imagine if she's the sort to scream at a baby, she probably already sort of "idles high" (is uptight, easy to provoke) and such people are usually just a step or two away from their own blow up, so dealing with a screaming inconsolable child easily triggers an aggressive response. She may not have even meant to yell, and may me embarrassed but trying to save face. Either way, let her know you know that she loves you and the baby, but that it made you uncomfortable that she yelled at the baby. You can state that yelling at any child is not something you will tolerate (if that's true), and that if it happens again she'll need to go home and have space for a while. Maybe set a piece of time. One or two days, a week, etc. If it happens a third time after the break, you can require that she see a counselor about anger management. No holding baby until
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Old 08-20-2012, 08:11 AM   #8
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[QUOTE="BeccaSueCongdon"] Oh that poor baby. :-( And poor you, Mama. :-(

And I have to wonder what sort of parenting she received that makes yelling viciously at any child (especially a preemie!) seem excusable. There is a place for a stern raised voice (when a child is hurting a sibling, about to do something dangerous, or run in the street) but never as a form of correction. Children literally cannot understand to be instructed when they're all worked up (bc of the stress hormones released during a tantrum/screaming) and screaming at them just escalates the situation. :-(

I'd bring it up again now before it happens a second time. You can address it calmly when you're both in a positive mood (if possible) and in a way that preserves her dignity. I imagine if she's the sort to scream at a baby, she probably already sort of "idles high" (is uptight, easy to provoke) and such people are usually just a step or two away from their own blow up, so dealing with a screaming inconsolable child easily triggers an aggressive response. She may not have even meant to yell, and may me embarrassed but trying to save face. Either way, let her know you know that she loves you and the baby, but that it made you uncomfortable that she yelled at the baby. You can state that yelling at any child is not something you will tolerate (if that's true), and that if it happens again she'll need to go home and have space for a while. Maybe set a piece of time. One or two days, a week, etc. If it happens a third time after the break, you can require that she see a counselor about anger management. No holding baby until that happens.

Might be overkill, bur that's just me sort of verbally processing what I would do.
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Old 08-20-2012, 08:16 AM   #9
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Re: My mom yelled at my 3 month old

sounds like my mom
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Old 08-20-2012, 08:19 AM   #10
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Re: My mom yelled at my 3 month old

I would have flipped out! That's an INFANT!!! If she couldn't handle it and she felt that him arching his back was unsafe she should have laid him down in a safe place, made his bottle, then picked him up to feed him and comfort him... Grrr this is why I don't let anyone take care of my dd lol. I'm too scared
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