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Old 08-20-2012, 07:21 AM   #1
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Unhappy I don't want her to go to school :(

So my 4 year old will be going to preschool next week and I am finding myself losing it everytime I talk to her teacher or even think about it for long periods of time. She's my first, my only little girl and all that is going through my mind is how RUDE some kids are I really just honestly don't want anyone to hurt her feelings or make her feel like the person she is -isn't ok. She is a strong and tough little girl, she gives it right back to her brother (who's 2 years old and likes to push her buttons ) so I'm not really worried about her not being able to "hold her own" I guess you could say. I just don't want anyone to hurt her, that really hurts me to even think about it. I KNOW she is going to get hurt and that -that's a part of life, how you learn and she will have to learn to cope with things like that for life and relationships and what have you. But I just am worried that when this does happen, whenever that may be, that I will have a hard time dealing with it. Am I going to flip out on a preschooler for making her cry? I just don't like the thought of this. (Obviously I am not going to be mean to a preschooler or the parent but I know I will feel that way inside). So I guess my question is....how do I cope with this? I need to feel a little better about this before she goes, as my anxiety is getting the best of me at times. Did any of you moms feel this way? What did you do to make it better in your mind? And when it happened how did you react?

****UPDATES- 8/28-

So I just got home from dropping her off with my husband and I cried my eyes out. There was another dad there that was very comforting by saying- it gets better, that was me yesterday. His son was the one screaming and gripping the door while they were trying to shut it

We got there, each grade lines up and they did the pledge of allegiance, prayer and announcements. She held my hand the entire time, kissed and hugged her goodbye and she was off.

I'm home now with the two boys and I just feel so empty. I cried the drive home. Why do I feel like I just abandoned her? I know she will be fine, she didn't shed a tear, smiling the whole time, she was excited this morning. It's really hard for me but I suppose it is for everyone? I have been taking care of her, staying at home with her since the day she was born. Does it get any better? I feel confident that this was the right choice for her and I know she will do great. I just hope these feelings reside.

****UPDATE 8/29-
Ok so the outcome?.... dah dah dahhhhhhhhhhhh
SHE LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED SCHOOL! She did great, her teacher said she had an excellent first day, no crying, didn't even ask for me!! I walked in, she was all red faced from gym class and she gave me a great big hug and told me how much she loved school. It made my day. Seeing her big bright smile while she ran to me, after hugging her teacher, made this choice sit perfect with me. She is so happy and that makes me happy. I'm so proud of her, she can't get enough I hope this helps all of you terrified mothers like me! I dropped her off this morning and didn't shed a tear.

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Last edited by SamanthaLove88; 08-29-2012 at 08:47 AM. Reason: updates
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:26 AM   #2
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Re: I don't want her to go to school :(

HUGS mama. I just went through the same thing with my 4 year old. She loves school. I however got throwing up sick for a month before school started. It was so hard for me. And I had already went through it last year with my 5 year old going to PRE-K5.

It is hard to believe now, but it does get easier..I promise. I know it seems like it will never, but it does. Hang in there. Just make sure not to show your sad feeling in front of her. It will make it harder for her to go. Always be happy and upbuilding to her. That helps them to not cry and enjoy it more.

Good luck, and PM me if you need a shoulder.

ETA- Focus on all the fun she will have and all she will learn. And believe it or not, the day goes by super fast when they are in school. I drop them off and turn around and its time to get them. Also, see if you can go eat lunch with her some days. I love doing that with my LO's. I am actually doing it today.
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:32 AM   #3
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HUGS mama. I just went through the same thing with my 4 year old. She loves school. I however got throwing up sick for a month before school started. It was so hard for me. And I had already went through it last year with my 5 year old going to PRE-K5.

It is hard to believe now, but it does get easier..I promise. I know it seems like it will never, but it does. Hang in there. Just make sure not to show your sad feeling in front of her. It will make it harder for her to go. Always be happy and upbuilding to her. That helps them to not cry and enjoy it more.

Good luck, and PM me if you need a shoulder.

ETA- Focus on all the fun she will have and all she will learn. And believe it or not, the day goes by super fast when they are in school. I drop them off and turn around and its time to get them. Also, see if you can go eat lunch with her some days. I love doing that with my LO's. I am actually doing it today.
That made me smile, you're absolutely right. It is hard but I know I have to be encouraging. It doesn't help that I have had people tell me horror stories- one of my friend's neices got hit in the face by another kid, etc etc. Kids seem to be meaner these days, it upsets me
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:39 AM   #4
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That made me smile, you're absolutely right. It is hard but I know I have to be encouraging. It doesn't help that I have had people tell me horror stories- one of my friend's neices got hit in the face by another kid, etc etc. Kids seem to be meaner these days, it upsets me
OH I know, for sure. I am the momma who would stand in the class and get on to every child who is mean to mine. But I just have to swallow my fear. And know that they have great teachers and they are learning a valuable skill for life. My oldest has really learned to stick up for herself.

And remember, there are horror stories with everything, and people still make it through.
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Old 08-20-2012, 09:29 AM   #5
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Re: I don't want her to go to school :(

Same boat here. I'm not quite a blubbering mess yet, but being less than a week PP on her first day - yeah, I have no idea how I'm going to swing it without looking like a fool. I don't think a descrite travel pack of tissues tucked in my pocket will suffice.

I feel like I'm lying to her when I tell her she's going to love it and have so much fun. I believe she's ready and that this is the appropriate next step, but to just tell her she's going to love it seems like sugar coating it. Maybe she will. But if she doesn't....I don't want to think about that.

My girl is a sensitive follower. She's MY girl. We're inseperable when I'm not at work. Nothing technically changes in that respect except I feel like I'm throwing her to the wolves. It's not like SHE chose to go to school this fall. Mamma chose that for her. So the guilt is on me if something doesn't go perfectly for her, kwim?

Hugs, mama! These firsts are such a small speedbump on life's road. Or at least that's what everyone keeps telling me. I feel like punching people who say that, though. YMMV. LOL Dig deep, your strength to get through this is in there. Cry as much as you want to in the car in the parking lot. And all day, if you want. You are in good company.
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Old 08-20-2012, 09:50 AM   #6
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Re: I don't want her to go to school :(

I think you just have to focus on what is best for HER and not your own feelings or anxiety about it. For HER, the best thing is to start transitioning to school, meeting new people, learning social skills and having new experiences. There WILL be times when her feelings are hurt or things arent fair. Trying to shield her from that is doing a disservice. The best thing you can do for HER is to teach her appropriate behavior and responses when things dont go her way. Take yourself out of the picture for the moment and just think about what is best for her.
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Old 08-20-2012, 09:55 AM   #7
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Re: I don't want her to go to school :(

Are you 100% set on sending her? Because to me, I would just keep her home! This is coming from a homeschooling mom though... My DD is almost 4 also, and I couldn't imagine sending her away yet. Just a thought. If you're set on sending her though, I'm sure everything will work out fine.
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Old 08-20-2012, 10:23 AM   #8
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I think you just have to focus on what is best for HER and not your own feelings or anxiety about it. For HER, the best thing is to start transitioning to school, meeting new people, learning social skills and having new experiences. There WILL be times when her feelings are hurt or things arent fair. Trying to shield her from that is doing a disservice. The best thing you can do for HER is to teach her appropriate behavior and responses when things dont go her way. Take yourself out of the picture for the moment and just think about what is best for her.
What's best for her is school, if I wasn't focused on what's best for HER, she wouldn't be going. And my feelings matter, children focus on parent's emotions. I'm trying to find a better way to handle the fear of someone hurting HER feelings. Obviously, working on this will be better for HER as you've stated many times.

If you don't understand the thread the first time you read it, reread it or dont reply! This is exactly what I meant by my starred portion in my post.
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Old 08-20-2012, 10:27 AM   #9
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Old 08-20-2012, 10:46 AM   #10
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Re: I don't want her to go to school :(

My daughter was 4 the first time a kid was truly mean to her at a playdate. We were both in tears on the drive home afterward. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and never let go. Kids are pretty resilient, though. I think in the long run it was harder on me than it was on her. She learned that some people in this world are just mean for no reason, but life goes on and she has choices. She could choose to be upset by it, or she could find someone else to play with or learn to enjoy playing on her own. She is 9 now and has been happily going to school for years now. She's a happy, well-adjusted kid. I really think she's stronger and more resilient than I am.

ETA: To refer back to your original post, when it happened I did feel like flipping out on the other kid, but I held back. It's a learning experience for us as parents too.

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