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Old 03-28-2013, 08:10 PM   #1
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Lamenting my VBAC

I've been feeling so sad about this all day...Today is my due date w my second. My pregnancy has been PERFECT, no issues or problems. I was given the green light to try for a VBAC from the start, and my doctor has been and is still so supportive...

IF I go into labor. As a backup plan we scheduled a repeat C section for next week. Yesterday at my last visit I was 0 for 0: not dialated OR effaced in the slightest. AT ALL.

I wasn't too surprised because I just don't FEEL like I'm close to going into labor...but it just hit home that I may not get the chance. I just wanted the chance!

The C section is scheduled out almost an entire week after my due date...and I thought "No way will we get that far!" But now I'm just planning on it. And I hate it.

I don't want to get cut open again. I want to have more babies, and I'm scared. 2 was never going to be my number, and I'm scared that if it goes down this way I'll be too scared to keep going. I have 100% trust and confidence in my doctor and even today she's saying "I'm on shift for the next 4 days, I'll be crossing my fingers!" She's so sweet! I just don't think it's happening.

I'm trying not to let it ruin my next few days, but it's hard. I'm trying to think about that sweet pink goopy baby and snuggling and everything that comes after, and I'm trying to tell myself that if it's planned at least it's not a terrifying emergency like last time. But for 9 months I've been visualizing this beautiful, perfect birth. And it will be perfect in it's own way...

I'm just scared. That's it.

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Old 03-28-2013, 08:25 PM   #2
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Re: Lamenting my VBAC

I was right with you 10 months ago Mama. Feeling all the feelings about my 2nd c-section rapidly approaching. All I can say is that no matter what happens, you will be on the other side of it before you know it. You will be snuggling your baby soon, and as long as you trust your doctor than you know she will only make the decision she feels is best and safest for you and your baby. Being cut open will be what it will be (if that happens), and you are strong enough and brave enough to get through it. I had to tell myself (over and over and over), "I can make it through anything for just a day or two" and "The fear is always worse than the reality". It was my mantra....I can...I will...It will be...I will be fine. I hope for you that you get the birth experience that you want, but if you don't...I wish you a speedy recovery and tons of cuddle time!

ETA: And it IS easier the 2nd time around. When it is planned, there isn't so much emotional trauma. I too had an emergency section the first time around (after 36 hours of heavy labor), and the 2nd time I knew what was going to happen, what was happening while it was, and what to expect afterward. I felt more comfortable with everything and knew how to be a better advocate for myself. The hardest part for me was accepting that I didn't get a natural birth emotionally, and for that...I hope you tell yourself that some things are out of your control. That sometimes we don't get the things we want, but the things we need.

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Old 03-28-2013, 11:18 PM   #3
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I had a "failed" vbac in feb of 2012. Went into labor on my own, got close to 6 cm and then something just felt off and I asked for a section. Baby was in the same position his older brother had been in (posterior brow presentation) and I feel that my instincts may have prevented a repeat of my first hard long labor and emerg section.

Go with your instincts. If you happen to get to the date of your scheduled section and it still doesn't "feel" right then talk to your dr about pushing it back as safe as possible. Try to do what you can to be at peace with your birth. And go with what feels right to you.
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Old 03-29-2013, 12:08 PM   #4
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Re: Lamenting my VBAC

You've got lots of time yet, mama, don't give up on that VBAC yet. And you can push for more time as long as your little one is doing well. You can ask for non-stress tests to be done after 1 week post-dates, and as long as baby is happy, there is no reason to do the section.
Also, is there any chance you can get a doula yet? I really think that would be a big help. Having someone who can really support you and coach you through this delivery and remind you that you can do it, and that you're doing great, can make a huge difference in the outcome of labor, especially VBAC labor.
You can look into some natural labour induction techniques. (google should find you lots.) Acupuncture, massage, walking, squats, using a breast pump, etc.... You might be able to nudge things in the right direction if your body is ready.
Finally, see if you can get your hands on some good natural birth literature. I'd recommend Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin. She's a bit of a hippy, but she knows birth really well, and I've found that book to be very reassuring to read before my babies are due.

All the best for a wonderful birth!
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Old 03-29-2013, 03:28 PM   #5
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Thank you for your words of encouragement, ladies! I'm feeling better after trolling the VBAC forums. Planning some long walks for the next few days, I'm not giving up yet!
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Old 04-01-2013, 12:56 PM   #6
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I was 41w+ and still 0cm, 0%!!! I went from that to a vbac baby less than 24-hrs from a scheduled c-section at 42-wks.

Basically, I went from NUTHIN' to baby in 3-days!

It can happen.
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Old 04-01-2013, 01:02 PM   #7
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Also, I couldn't decide at the last minute if I wanted to try for a vbac or just have a c-sec.

Pros of vbac I remember thinking of:
1) healthier for baby
2) faster recovery time
3) GET TO EAT SOONER!!!
4) up and around/cath out/epi out sooner
5) paperwork I signed said vbac safer than csec

Pro of a csec for me:
1) had already been in labor for a few days. Get it over with
2) could also have endometriosis removed while open on the table

The epidural:
1) had been in labor for days already with back-to-back contractions
2) could get epi, try for vbac, if not, could get it kicked up for c-sec
3) reduce chances of being knocked out for emergency c-sec

After I got the epi, I relaxed enough that I could actually dilate. Wish I would have had one with my first baby!!!! But no one told me the possible benefits!
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Old 04-01-2013, 08:40 PM   #8
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Re: Lamenting my VBAC

Dilation means nothing! Just relax and remind yourself why you are planning a VBAC. You will go into labor
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Old 04-01-2013, 10:59 PM   #9
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You guys are awesome! Baby was born this afternoon, unfortunately it was another emergency but I'm happy she's healthy. I noticed she wasn't as wiggly as she normally is so I went in and an hour later they took her out. I guess she was swimming in meconium and struggling. I'm so thankful I trusted my instincts and went in when I did- almost 24 hrs before my scheduled RCS.

Still hoping for a VBAC next time, but we won't be trying for 3 anytime soon
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:18 PM   #10
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Congrats on your baby!!! Glad you listened to your gut, mama!
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