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Old 08-25-2012, 11:57 PM   #1
pretty girl
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My story (loss, abortion, and pregnancy mentioned)

This is my story that no one knows until now.

When I was 18 and in april of my senior year of HS I started dating a boy who was 20. He was also a reservist in the army. We were dating for 1 month before we started having sex. I was on birth control and we weren't using condoms. At the same time I was taking an antibiotic that no one bothered to tell me would effect my BC. At the end of june I started feeling funny. By july 4th I hadn't gotten my period. So I took a test. I was pregnant. I went to the doctors and had it confirmed. I called him and told him we needed to talk. So he came over and took me to dinner. I handed him the paper that said I was pregnant. I told him I could take care of it if I needed to. Tears welled up in his eyes and he told me don't ever talk like that. He said we would have this baby together no matter what.

He was so supportive, at all of my appts, holding my hair as I puked. He was more excited than I was. He carried an ultrasound picture in his cover (his hat).

I got a phone call one morning from my OB who said he had a student that needed practice on learning to read ultrasounds and wanted to know if I wanted one. I said sure. I called up my boyfriend and we headed in. The student was super nice and showing us all parts of the body. Then the OB asked "wanna know the sex?" We looked at each other and nodded. The tech found the parts right away

It was a boy! He was ecstatic. He called his mom and told her. She was the first to know.

We spent the next week getting little things, decorating, talking about names. Then on the 19th of september I woke up and knew something was wrong. I went in to the bathroom and there was blood in my underwear. I went back to our room and woke him up and told him we needed to go to the hospital.

we made it to the hospital in 10 mins flat. We get to L&D and they can't find a heart beat. They bring in an ultrasound machine. They can see the baby but there is no movement. They keep looking for the heart beat. still nothing. They bring in the doctor who told me that I had lost my son. I broke down in to tears and asked them to look again. The doctor spent 25 mins looking. I knew there was no hope. He was gone.

My boyfriend was holding me as we talked about options. We decided to put me in to labor and have me have the baby.

It took me 4 hours to go from 0-10 cm. and 20 mins of pushing. I cried the whole time. I hoped with every push I would here a cry of a baby. Once the doctor said "baby is out." there was nothing. I just cried and cried and cried. My Boyfriend held me and I just kept saying to him over and over again "I'm sorry. I couldn't keep him safe."

My son was born at 12:22 pm on september 19, 2010. I didn't hold him or anything. They laid him on a bed and when I was all cleaned up I walked over and just told him how much I loved him and that I was sorry for letting him down.

I was in the hospital one night. My boyfriend never left my side.

After the loss of our son my boyfriend and I all we did was fight. By the middle of october we decided to end things.

At the end of october I met my husband. November 3rd we made things official. A year later we married. On November 4th 2011 I found out I was pregnant with my rainbow baby. On july 19th 2012 we welcomed that rainbow baby.

I know no matter what my son is watching over his sister keeping her safe.

Sorry this was so long winded and some parts might not make sense because I'm crying. Thank you for reading


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Old 08-26-2012, 12:17 AM   #2
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Thank you for sharing
Nickel - mama to boys D 09 and F 10 and my girl H 12
#4 due in October!
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:35 AM   #3
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Re: My story (loss, abortion, and pregnancy mentioned)

I haven't fully come to terms with my miscarriage and waiting for my rainbow baby in 2013.

and congratulations on your DD.
WAHM to DS 10|08, DD 09|10, Rainbow DD 01|13.
Wife to a bearded one. Childhood Leukemia Suvivor. Got amazon!
*please don't quote me so I can delete if needed thanks*
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Old 08-26-2012, 01:20 AM   #4
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Re: My story (loss, abortion, and pregnancy mentioned)

Losing a baby is so difficult! I've lost 3 in total, two were early and the other was my daughter's twin. I have five children here on earth & I love them so much. I'm so happy you found love & your rainbow baby is here!
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Old 08-26-2012, 02:40 AM   #5
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Re: My story (loss, abortion, and pregnancy mentioned)

The sweet pain of loss will always be a part of your life story- as is your beautiful son. Let it well up when it needs to, cry when you need to, then smile and remember his sweetness. They are waiting for us in Heaven.

I lost my own son in a very similar scenario in Feb 2011, and have since had a little rainbow baby girl. Their big brothers are up there watching over them-

When my DD was about 4 months old, I was holding her by the fireplace mantle where our family pictures are, as well as my Nolan's footprints- she was looking back and forth at the pictures, but then her eyes locked on to his footprints and she just stared at them- and reached out her hand- and it struck me- I asked her (not expecting any kind of answer from a 4 month old!) "you know him- you've met him, haven't you?" and she turned her head to me with a smile and a look on her face that I've never seen before or since- that told me yes, she had.
Tanya~ Mom to 7
( '99) ( '07) ( '08) ( '10) ( '11) ( '12) (It's a Boy! 8/14)

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Old 08-26-2012, 08:44 AM   #6
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Re: My story (loss, abortion, and pregnancy mentioned)

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