Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-21-2012, 09:37 AM   #1
Lesley@CottonBabies's Avatar
Lesley@CottonBabies
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 377
Hard situation:Any ideas on how to break the news?

I love my mom to death, she is an awesome mom who is always there for me, and she is an amazing Grandma to my daughter. She has been taking care of me and my daughter every day for the past two months until my husband gets home from. We had originally planned on my mom and dad taking care of our 15 month old daughter while I was in the hospital having the baby, and we shared these plans with them. My daughter is much closer to them than my in laws, and I know she does well with them when my husband and I aren't around. My in laws have only ever had my daughter alone 2 times, and one of the times she cried the entire time I was gone. So obviously my parents were the logical choice for my husband and I. Things have changed though.

My mom has bipolar disorder, which normally doesn't interfere with her every day life, however she recently went into one of her mania stages. When she goes through this, she is very distracted, talks constantly, spends a ton of money, makes absurd plans, drives crazy and is very undependable. She realizes that she is manic, but doesn't see it as a problem. My husband and I are not comfortable with her being alone with our daughter when she is like this. Not that she would ever purposefully do something, but she is very distracted and unable to watch her closely. If I knew for sure that my dad would be there the whole time, it wouldn't be a problem. I can't really count on having the baby on a weekend though, and he works Monday through Friday.

So with all of this going on, my husband and I have decided to have my in laws watch her. She is much more comfortable with them than she used to be. They finally realized that the more they see her, the closer they'll be to her. They now make sure to see her once a week on their days off. They still haven't been alone with her since she was 9 months and she cried the whole time though, my husband and I are always there with her. I'm still kind of worried about this, but our plan is to have them watch her multiple times without us, so she gets used to being alone with them before she spends the night. Hopefully she'll do well, and I'm going to ask if my mother in law would mind bringing her up once a day to see us at the hospital. I work from home and am with my daughter 24/7, the thought of not seeing her for 2 or 3 days brings on the tears.

So how do I go about telling my mom this? With the state she is in, she doesn't listen to anything anyone says. She knows that we would rather have her keep our daughter (if she was in her normal state of mind), because we have explained our reasons to her. I'm not worried about my dad, he'll completely understand. He knows she isn't the best of caregivers when she is like this. How do I get my mom to understand though, when part of her illness is not realizing she has a problem? I have enough stress right now, I'd really like to avoid as much family drama as possible.

If you read this, thank you! I know it's very long. If anyone has any words of wisdom I would appreciate it. Thanks!

Advertisement

Lesley@CottonBabies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2012, 10:02 AM   #2
kelpie169's Avatar
kelpie169
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Tampa Bay Area
Posts: 1,838
It sounds like you generally have a good relationship with her. Can you maybe just make it about you? Say something like "I don't want to be stressed out and this will just work better for us. And (daughter) can get to know her other grandparents as well as she knows you." something like that maybe? Is it possible that the mania will have passed by then?
kelpie169 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2012, 10:05 AM   #3
GumpR's Avatar
GumpR
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North Texas
Posts: 820
Re: Hard situation:Any ideas on how to break the news?

Ugh. I'm sorry you have to deal with this added stress! My father-in-law is bipolar and we went on a 10 day vacation with them to Hawaii earlier this year. He was manic while we were there and we turned him down several times when he asked to take our son (13 mo at the time) to the beach. Like you said, he wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt our son, but how do I know he won't get distracted and let him wander away (into the ocean??).

I don't have any particular solution for you, just wanted to give you the reassurance that even if she gets her feelings hurt, you have to do what you feel is best for your family and daughter. Is there some reason you can give (other than the actual one) that your in-laws should keep your daughter? Maybe they haven't gotten to see her much lately, or something like that? Maybe you can say they are begging for an overnight sleepover with her?
__________________
Robin- a stay at home, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, piano teaching mom to Palmer (1/26/11) , Russell (9/26/12) , June (2/6/14), and wife to my college love Tyler - boomer sooner!
GumpR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2012, 10:05 AM   #4
GumpR's Avatar
GumpR
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North Texas
Posts: 820
Re: Hard situation:Any ideas on how to break the news?

double post, sorry
__________________
Robin- a stay at home, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, piano teaching mom to Palmer (1/26/11) , Russell (9/26/12) , June (2/6/14), and wife to my college love Tyler - boomer sooner!

Last edited by GumpR; 08-21-2012 at 10:09 AM. Reason: double post
GumpR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2012, 10:07 AM   #5
GumpR's Avatar
GumpR
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North Texas
Posts: 820
Re: Hard situation:Any ideas on how to break the news?

internet went nuts, triple post whoops
__________________
Robin- a stay at home, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, piano teaching mom to Palmer (1/26/11) , Russell (9/26/12) , June (2/6/14), and wife to my college love Tyler - boomer sooner!

Last edited by GumpR; 08-21-2012 at 10:09 AM. Reason: triple post
GumpR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2012, 10:13 AM   #6
GumpR's Avatar
GumpR
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North Texas
Posts: 820
Re: Hard situation:Any ideas on how to break the news?

Just wanted to add and clarify, I don't think lying is a great thing to do, but it may help to ease the blow if you emphasize why your in-laws ARE keeping DD, instead of the focus being on why she's NOT keeping DD.
__________________
Robin- a stay at home, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, piano teaching mom to Palmer (1/26/11) , Russell (9/26/12) , June (2/6/14), and wife to my college love Tyler - boomer sooner!
GumpR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2012, 10:36 AM   #7
abunchoflemons
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: usa
Posts: 14,411
My Mood:
Re: Hard situation:Any ideas on how to break the news?

Is she one that remembers well? I don't have parents with bipolar moments but lots of relatives with altimers (sorry 4 spelling). Can u say something like can u be back up if this other plan doesn't work so she knows u guys have other plans but keep ur mom kinda in there?
abunchoflemons is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2012, 06:49 PM   #8
ajjulian's Avatar
ajjulian
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The snowy tundra of upstate NY
Posts: 2,038
My Mood:
Hugs! Thats hard. Can you have your dd spend some alone time with your IL's leading up to the birth and then maybe play it off saying something like the IL's really want a chance to keep her and this is a great time to do it and we think it will be good for all?... I know it is a fib but might create the least amount of drama and pain.
__________________
Jasmine- Christ follower, helpmeet to Aaron , mamma to DS Cadence (10/10/05) and DS Zechaiah (6/12/08) and DD Ayden (8/1/09) and DS Esias (3/31/11) ing, : nonvaxing, b-fing and homesteading family.
Mommy behind Cherished Style baby carriers (www.cherishedstyle.com)
ajjulian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2012, 03:12 AM   #9
el's mama
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,069
Re: Hard situation:Any ideas on how to break the news?

I'm so sorry. Your Mom sounds very loving and I'm sure she would change this in a heart beat if she could control it. You are a very kind daughter to be concerned about her feelings. I don't know much about BP disorder so I'm not much help with how to tell her. As for the hospital stay, is there a reason you have to be there 2-3 days? DS2 was born in a hospital but we got the heck out of there ASAP. He was born at 3:00 pm and we went home the next morning at 10:00am. I know every birth is different, but hopefully you can go home sooner and be with your girl. My DD is 22 months and I'm worried about being away from her too. We're delivering at a birth center this time and will head home 3-4 hours after the birth, but I could be there hours before that since I have long labors.

GL to you!!
__________________
In with my DH, crunchy, attached Mama to 4. Homeschooling, long term breastfeeding, CD'ing, babywearing, homebirthing. Could I BE anymore addicted to cloth?!
el's mama is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.